11 days shy...

So I'm turning 28 in a little over a week. It's interesting, really. Do I FEEL 28? no...not yet. Heh heh, it's a little too close to 30 for me. Not that 30 is really BAD..it's just...older. 30 sounds like a person has wisdom and something solid to life. I don't know, I guess this entry is going to be a bit of a ramble.

I mean, after 25 why keep track? 16 you can learn to drive, 18 you can vote, 21 you can drink alcohol (lol, legally!) and 25 your insurance goes down. But between 25 and retirement, it just seems...anti-climatic.

I guess 28 isn't so bad. Maybe this year I'll actually go skydiving :-) I always take stock of my life around my birthday and I ask myself if I'm at least OK with where I'm at. The last few years it's been a yes. This year is...a bit of uncertainty. I was out earlier to walk my cousins dog (I'm back temporarily in the neighborhood where I grew up) and I was walking along the old route my family used to walk our dogs on. My how things have changed in the years since. Sure, there are the obvious changes, like houses looking slightly different, and the area that's under construction around the hospital. But as I was walking along and looking at all these things, part of me felt a twinge of sadness. The inward changes are pretty staggering too. I wonder if the changes in me are as noticeable as the physical changes to the neighborhood?

It's interesting to look at the changes of even the last year. A year ago I spent my birthday on the English seafront with friends listening to the seagulls and waves, having good conversation (and I thought that was where I was going to be this year). Funny how things change. Last year I wanted to be with American friends for my birthday...this year I miss England.

I was talking with someone recently about some of the reasons why this transition has hurt so much. He said that it's a blow to my identity, in that some people DO something for work. They clock in and they clock out and they can remove themselves from the work. The hard part about being "pastoral" or in "ministry" is that part of your identity is wrapped up in what you do. And if that work comes under stress or other hard experience, then it hits deeper. I thought "so true".

I guess birthdays are a time for reflection, but they are also a time to look ahead. I never thought I would have had the kind of experiences I've had by this time in my life. I've seen the beauty of the Canadian Rockies, I've been to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, I've grown up in Chicago, I've lived in England, I've seen the nightlights of Tokyo, and the extreme conditions of poverty in Haiti. I literally have friends around the world, and I know what it is to feel like the most forgotten person on the face of this rock of a planet. And for all that experience and the highs and lows of my life, if I died tomorrow I would probably be one of the most grateful souls to enter heaven. I look forward to many more adventures on the road ahead, and I'm thankful for all of you who have shared the journey with me (in spite of my current state of sarcasm and teasing).

Till next time,
~Paul