The challenge of taking risks

John Wimber once said faith is spelled R-I-S-K. The Bible tells us faith a substance that is unseen (Heb. 11) and that for believers it is impossible to walk the jouorney without it. Faith sometimes means taking a step and then knowing that you're on solid ground. The journey of faith looks different for each one of us, but I think some of the lessons learned are the same all around.

When God speaks, it's a good thing to listen and follow as best as you can. The amount of grace that God must have for us is really staggering sometimes to think about. In basic terms in a relationship with Jesus it's you (in your weak human state) and it's Jesus (totally perfect). The lessons I've learned this year have come mostly through finding out how NOT to do things. On the one hand there is God who has called me here and has a plan and a purpose for me, but the other hand there's me and try as hard as I might I have my failures and I feel at times like I'm stumbling through this journey. In the midst of feeling like a failure, I find there's so much grace to carry me through (though I admit I don't always see that grace right away and thus make the choice to deal with my percieved failures in a spiritually unhealthy way).

Let me explain what I mean:
At about the half way point through my internship at Vineyard Oak Park, I took a short survey that helped me map out (or understand) my work personality, or how I approach my job. The thing I remember the most was that I'm a minimal risk taker. I gather as much info as I can before I make a calculated decision how to proceed to A. find the best outcome and B. keep everyone happy. I won't take on a task that I think I won't be able to finish. Some people flourish with ideas for projects and that's where they thrive. Others thrive on the execution of plans or ideas and they love to take on a challenge. I thrive on a job well done. When I finish a task I like to stand back and know that it's been finished to everyone's liking.

When I first arrived here in England I had the confidence (over confidence, maybe?) to take on the task of leading the youth. I thought that with my two years intense training and four total years of serving the youth in Oak Park, God was calling me on to the lofty heights of REAL ministry ;-)

In the this year there have been more challenges than I expected. There are probably a number of reasons why things didn't go the way we hoped. But in some ways, that's life. You try some things and some things work, others don't. I think because of my work personality, I am taking this a bit more personal than I should be.

So what's next? I feel I've poured my best into this year and right now I'm pretty worn out. This past sunday I didn't want to be at church. I somehow got through it (even getting through the youth class was rough). I still feel that I have a calling in ministry, and I really want to pursue that. But how do I keep pursuing something when I feel I can't even function well in my current role?

Thats the downswing of the circle I feel I'm running in. Some days I'm rather excited at the idea of moving on to other things and I see that God may be calling me out of here sooner than I expected. But all in all I still don't know where I'll be after January.

So that's my life as of now. What a year it's been. Please do keep praying for me and that I would keep going with whatever God has in store.

Till next time :-)
Paul