Future options

Well, after the craziness of New Wine, Soul Survivor and YOB camp, life is finally settling down.
Each event had it's own challenges and frustrations. But overall I think they went very well, and we are very excited to see the fruit that develops from each one.

One highlight for me at Soul Survivor was during the last night. We were praying for one of the young people who had pain in her jaw and in her ears. It was affecting her so much she had to move to a quiter venue to listen to the main meetings. I got a few people around her to pray for her and as we were doing so God began to speak.

The back story here is that this young person has had a tough summer. Her parents are currenly seperated due to her father having an affair, and overall it's been hard for her to take. As we were praying I felt God saying that He isn't angry with her, and that she is loved very much by God. As we prayed this over her, it was clear that God was meeting the needs of her heart. It's one of those moments when everything that I've been through this year seems worth it. All the callenges financially, socially, and emotionally can seem so easy to bear when God show's up in the life of a young person like that. This young person doesn't usually show emotion around people, so I knew the tears were real and that God was doing something amazing. I don't think it solved everything for her, but I do believe God started some process of healing, and I am excited to see how that continues. Oh, the pain in her jaw and ears was healed too.

Since being back from the end of summer events, I've spent the last week recovering from a head cold. I really managed to run myself into the ground with all the running around I've done with the programs, so that's been kind of a bummer downside. But God has had something to say about that too. A lot of what He's been showing me is that I've been doing things for Him instead of with Him. On the surface they can seem very much the same. But the difference I think lies in the heart. And the heart issue has really begun to show in me.

These past few months (or most of this year for that matter) I've said yes to a lot of things without really taking the time to think them through, or much less pray about them. The result is doing things that look good, or make other people happy, and end up just burning me out. As I sit here today at the one year mark I feel most of my personal expectations for this year have been let down.

While good things have come from this year (like building better relationships with the young people and making friends here) there have been a lot of taxing cirumstances as well, and it's hard to say that it balances out. After meeting with Jan yesterday, we now have a bit more of a plan for the next three months. Overall the year has been good, but not as great has it could have been, and for where the church is wanting to go, we're not sure if I'm the right one for leading the youth. So as of right now, I will be stepping away from the youth pastor role in December. It doesn't mean I can't stay in England, it doesn mean though that my role will drastically change and if I stay I'll have to find alternative means of doing so.

Pleas pray for me. At the moment I'm very tired emotionally and feel very split over my two options (either I find some other way of staying, or I go back home to Oak Park and weigh my options for work back in the states). I'm feeling a bit stessed at the moment and I really want God to show me what He wants me to do. Part of me wants to stay and see what God does here, and part of me longs for Oak Park and just being with the people who knew me best.

Sorry if this all seems a bit depressing. It's been a hard experience and I'm a bit frustraited over the current situation. But God is in control and whatever He wants to do I'm sure will be for a good purpose.

Till next time,
Paul