Bgonor to Arizona

Time is a funny thing.

When you're "bored" or doing something you're not interested in, time seems to move so slow. But the flip side is, when you're doing something you really enjoy, time can feel like a cruel beat that marches on and waits for no one.

Such is life, I guess.

As I sit here amidst the lovely surrounding hills and distant painted mountains, I can hardly believe that I spent 15 months in England. My last week there was very surreal. I knew that the clock was ticking, and days soon passed into hours, and the hours to minutes.

That last sunday was especially heavy for me. After the service, I was called up front for a "sending off" prayer. As people started to pray, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders, and I was really struck by the sense of "this is it, it's done. No more straining, or struggle to make it through the year in England". Some of the year has been captured here in the blog, but for the most part, I know that there are no words to convey the joy, pain, struggle and excitement that I experienced in my year abroad.

That last Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday all had seperate leaving parties for me. My last tuesday was spent mostly in Cambridge with really good friends, and the rest of the week seemed to fly as i made the rounds to say farewell to so many people. At the farewell party on Wed. I was really surprised by the turnout of so many people who I now not only know by name, but people who I have spent time talking with, laughing with, crying with, and praying with over the last year.

My last night in Bognor was a really good lasting memory. Some of the University students planned to attend the annual winter Snow Ball, and I was invited to go along. With the live music, and general hang-out atmosphere, I soaked up every last minute of life in England with some of the people who made the year laughable and even more than that- actually liveable when I was at my lowest.

It's very weird now to be out of England and back home in the states. I see more of the cultural differences now than I did last year, and I am thrilled to be looking ahead to the next step. But there is also a part of me that misses Bognor. I count myself very privileged to have the expereince of living in another culture, and expanding my worldview. Of course in that experience, it was the people that made it so special.

Now it's another interesting chapter. Where does the road lead next? Who will I meet? What IS God doing with me, anyway? All very current questions for a lot of people, I think. Only time will tell...

Till next time,
~Paul

Two weeks and counting...

WOW. So it's been just a little while since I've posted here, and if I'm honest, I haven't REALLY been that enthusiastic to post another update. I wonder why that is...

But where do I start? Last entry was a high note after Slum Survivor. Since then, I don't really know how to fully explain the experience of phasing myself out of my role here and finding flights home, and actually realizing that, NO REALLY I am leaving my life here for good. Some days it's rather exciting, and I am filled with wonder at what awaits me when I return home. What does God have in store next? And I can't wait to see people I haven't seen in a year, and hear all that I've missed and how people have grown since we last really talked.

But then some days its not so exciting. For all the stress and tough moments of this year, I have invested in this church, these people, and this community, and vice versa. There is a debt of love that I have to these people that I know I will never repay. I had hopes of laying longer term roots here. How can I really put into words what it's like when I'm trying to move on? Underneath the funny accents and the odd customs ("Baked beans on toast? Eww..." You mean I have to have a license to watch TV!? in my country you only need a license to do something dangereous like drive a car, fly a plane or own a gun!") I have made friends with really fantastic people. It's difficult to think about moving on to something else.

Rudyard Kipling has a line in my favorite poem that has played in my head a lot these last few weeks:

"If you can watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools"
"If" -Rudyard Kipling

Sometimes in life, for whatever reason (growth, change, maturity, etc.) we have to stand back and leave something that feels incomplete. It's all part of life's experiences that shape who we are, and more imprtantly, who God intends for us to be.

If I had known what this year would have entailed, I would have opted out. Call me crazy, but I don't like having my faith, my heart and every aspect of my life tested to it's limits. I'd rather do something that I can handle, or have a bit more control in. Human nature I guess. But does that mean I think this year wasn't worth it, or that everything I've been through was for nothing? I wish you could hear the deep resounding NO that echos in my heart. I may not know it now, and I may not know it in this life, but this year produced something in me that probably would not have happened in any other circumstance. I guess God had his way of bringing me into it, and He had all the plans to make sure I survived.

I look forward to coming home to family, friends and church. Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouragements, and I hope that you have been as blessed on this journey of faith as I have.

~Till next time,
Paul

My Slum Survivor experience

Many thanks and loads of gratitude for your prayers over this past month!

This past weekend we held our first Slum Survivor event. We partnered with some of the youth form a local church (Yapton free church) and on Friday afternoon we met up to start work on building our slums. The weather wasn't perfect, but it could have been a lot worse!

Soul Action (a partner project by Tearfund and Soul Survivor) have done a remarkable job in spreading the word about the poor living in slums. According to UN figures, 1 billion people currently live in slums around the world. They also project that if nothing is done to relieve the situation, that number could double by 2030. Throughout the Bible God speaks of His heart for the poor and that we as Christians are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus in reaching out to them. When Paul first set out on his journey form Jerusalem, he says that the disciples were pleased to send him and that all they asked him to do was to remember the poor. His response "The very thing I was eager to do" has been very inspiring to me as I have worked on this project with the young people.

The weekend felt very long, and there was a lot of ground to cover in the various ways we were challenged to remember the poor. The only food we could eat during meal times was rice and chickpeas. Very often people living in slums do not have enough money to maintain a healthy diet. Compared to how much money is spent in western society on McDonald's and other easy food options, it was a very sobering experience for me.

Another thing slum dwellers have to live with is the uncertainty that at any time their home may be demolished. Most slum communities are not legally allowed by local governments, so if they decide to build a mall for example, they will go in with bulldozers unannounced and start crushing the slums. Slum residents have only minutes to gather their few belongings and run. To simulate this, we had the pastor from yapton and the pastor from Vineyard come by and decide which slums at random to demolish. We all had 3 minutes to clear our belongings out before they started. As we waited in a concealed area away from the slums, I was a bit more nervous than I thought I would be. When we came back we found that one of the girls and one of the guys slums had been completely taken down, and the guys slum that was torn down was mine! We rebuilt it a little better and got on with the rest of the weekend.

Our youth really took the weekend to heart, and they even said that next year they wouldn't mind it to be a bit more challenging! Most of them said it really felt like camping, and they felt that more could be done to simulate the real slum experience. Oh, and as far as money raised, as of Sunday it looked like we hit at least the £ 800 mark, or about $1600. Money is still being sorted, so it may be that we end closer to the $2000 mark. For a weekend, that's not bad at all!

Sunday morning I shared at church for a few minutes on how the weekend went. In spite of being tired and not being very clean, I felt very inspired to share how much I admired the young people for taking on the challenge, and what the Bible has to say about the poor. A lot of people gave very good feedback, and overall I am very pleased with the seeds that were planted this weekend.

As we move on from this experience, we could use your prayers. Please pray that God continues to water the seeds that were planted this weekend and that the fruit that we're already starting to see would be protected.

Thank you again for your prayers! Without you prayers I am very convinced that this weekend would not have been the same.

God bless,
Paul

Taking steps...

I love books. I wish I had more time to read these days, cause sometimes there's nothing like sitting down to read a really good book.

There's a lot that makes a book stand out from the rest. The characters are relatable, and easy to understand, no matter how complex the story becomes. A great book will make you laugh, cry and experience a whole range of human emotion before the last chapter. A great book gives twists and turns that you didn't see coming. Characters you love suddenly die, other characters find redemption, and sometimes the bad guys get away, just like in real life. What makes a great book great is that it causes us to pause and really think about our own short exsistence on this planet. Great books contain love, heartache, defeat and triumph, and when you finally put the book down you know that on some level, you've been changed.

That was my experience the first time I read the Lord Of The Rings trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien when I was 17. I had the unfortunate accident of dislocating my knee, and my doctor signed me off work for two weeks to let the swelling go down. To pass the time my dad and I would spend evenings after dinner to read the trilogy out loud to each other, each taking a chapter in turn. Never before had I been drawn in by such a great story, and few books since have reached that standard in my opinion. The story is dynamic, and I love the way events flowed from one chapter to the next.

And funny enough, life is like a great book. Each year is filled with hopes and dreams and some years we find that our hopes and dreams are met beyond what we thought, and some years we find that it's just like reading a difficult chapter in a great book.

I'm looking at my life now, and in an odd way I'm happy with where I am. I'm in a difficult chapter, but as with a great book, things have a way of getting better. And from a Christian standpoint, I know how the book ends.

After weeks of praying over my situation and my future, I've come to see that if I stay in England, it would be to please others. I would probably find some work (if I got the visa to do so) where I wouldn't be very passionate, and I would probably define my success by how others thought of me. It wouldn't be the first time that's happened since my arrival. It's kind of hard to keep going as well when you feel that hope has proven as good as wishful thinking. I need to get my sense of hope and direction back, and the only safe place I know of is with people back in Oak Park.

I love the people here. It has been a real hard year of growth for everyone, and yet my heart is calling me home. After the ups and downs of this year I feel I need a safe famillair place to recharge and "de-brief" as one of my friends here put it (I wanted to get rid of baggage this year, not pick up more of it! :-)

Change is happening left and right these days. We have two new DNA students, both very different from the one's we had last year, so they should be able to branch out in new areas as well as help lead some more "solid" aspects of church life. The youth are soon to be taking on a new leader, as over these past few weeks one of the other leaders in the church as stepped in to build a core youth leadership team.

I will continue to play out my role until December when I return home. In that time we've got one last major event called Slum Survivor (Soulaction.org to find out more) which is a weekend designed to build faith and raise awareness of the 1 billion people living in slums around the world. We're doing that at the end of this month, and we are very excited at the potential.

Leaving here is not easy, and I know some here won't like it. But it's the end of a chapter for me, and I think signs are pointing to moving on. So many wonderful memories I'll take with me, and I hope I can return again to Bognor and have the experiences here that I wish I could have had this year.

Thanks for reading, and all your support :-)

Till next time,
~Paul

The challenge of taking risks

John Wimber once said faith is spelled R-I-S-K. The Bible tells us faith a substance that is unseen (Heb. 11) and that for believers it is impossible to walk the jouorney without it. Faith sometimes means taking a step and then knowing that you're on solid ground. The journey of faith looks different for each one of us, but I think some of the lessons learned are the same all around.

When God speaks, it's a good thing to listen and follow as best as you can. The amount of grace that God must have for us is really staggering sometimes to think about. In basic terms in a relationship with Jesus it's you (in your weak human state) and it's Jesus (totally perfect). The lessons I've learned this year have come mostly through finding out how NOT to do things. On the one hand there is God who has called me here and has a plan and a purpose for me, but the other hand there's me and try as hard as I might I have my failures and I feel at times like I'm stumbling through this journey. In the midst of feeling like a failure, I find there's so much grace to carry me through (though I admit I don't always see that grace right away and thus make the choice to deal with my percieved failures in a spiritually unhealthy way).

Let me explain what I mean:
At about the half way point through my internship at Vineyard Oak Park, I took a short survey that helped me map out (or understand) my work personality, or how I approach my job. The thing I remember the most was that I'm a minimal risk taker. I gather as much info as I can before I make a calculated decision how to proceed to A. find the best outcome and B. keep everyone happy. I won't take on a task that I think I won't be able to finish. Some people flourish with ideas for projects and that's where they thrive. Others thrive on the execution of plans or ideas and they love to take on a challenge. I thrive on a job well done. When I finish a task I like to stand back and know that it's been finished to everyone's liking.

When I first arrived here in England I had the confidence (over confidence, maybe?) to take on the task of leading the youth. I thought that with my two years intense training and four total years of serving the youth in Oak Park, God was calling me on to the lofty heights of REAL ministry ;-)

In the this year there have been more challenges than I expected. There are probably a number of reasons why things didn't go the way we hoped. But in some ways, that's life. You try some things and some things work, others don't. I think because of my work personality, I am taking this a bit more personal than I should be.

So what's next? I feel I've poured my best into this year and right now I'm pretty worn out. This past sunday I didn't want to be at church. I somehow got through it (even getting through the youth class was rough). I still feel that I have a calling in ministry, and I really want to pursue that. But how do I keep pursuing something when I feel I can't even function well in my current role?

Thats the downswing of the circle I feel I'm running in. Some days I'm rather excited at the idea of moving on to other things and I see that God may be calling me out of here sooner than I expected. But all in all I still don't know where I'll be after January.

So that's my life as of now. What a year it's been. Please do keep praying for me and that I would keep going with whatever God has in store.

Till next time :-)
Paul

Future options

Well, after the craziness of New Wine, Soul Survivor and YOB camp, life is finally settling down.
Each event had it's own challenges and frustrations. But overall I think they went very well, and we are very excited to see the fruit that develops from each one.

One highlight for me at Soul Survivor was during the last night. We were praying for one of the young people who had pain in her jaw and in her ears. It was affecting her so much she had to move to a quiter venue to listen to the main meetings. I got a few people around her to pray for her and as we were doing so God began to speak.

The back story here is that this young person has had a tough summer. Her parents are currenly seperated due to her father having an affair, and overall it's been hard for her to take. As we were praying I felt God saying that He isn't angry with her, and that she is loved very much by God. As we prayed this over her, it was clear that God was meeting the needs of her heart. It's one of those moments when everything that I've been through this year seems worth it. All the callenges financially, socially, and emotionally can seem so easy to bear when God show's up in the life of a young person like that. This young person doesn't usually show emotion around people, so I knew the tears were real and that God was doing something amazing. I don't think it solved everything for her, but I do believe God started some process of healing, and I am excited to see how that continues. Oh, the pain in her jaw and ears was healed too.

Since being back from the end of summer events, I've spent the last week recovering from a head cold. I really managed to run myself into the ground with all the running around I've done with the programs, so that's been kind of a bummer downside. But God has had something to say about that too. A lot of what He's been showing me is that I've been doing things for Him instead of with Him. On the surface they can seem very much the same. But the difference I think lies in the heart. And the heart issue has really begun to show in me.

These past few months (or most of this year for that matter) I've said yes to a lot of things without really taking the time to think them through, or much less pray about them. The result is doing things that look good, or make other people happy, and end up just burning me out. As I sit here today at the one year mark I feel most of my personal expectations for this year have been let down.

While good things have come from this year (like building better relationships with the young people and making friends here) there have been a lot of taxing cirumstances as well, and it's hard to say that it balances out. After meeting with Jan yesterday, we now have a bit more of a plan for the next three months. Overall the year has been good, but not as great has it could have been, and for where the church is wanting to go, we're not sure if I'm the right one for leading the youth. So as of right now, I will be stepping away from the youth pastor role in December. It doesn't mean I can't stay in England, it doesn mean though that my role will drastically change and if I stay I'll have to find alternative means of doing so.

Pleas pray for me. At the moment I'm very tired emotionally and feel very split over my two options (either I find some other way of staying, or I go back home to Oak Park and weigh my options for work back in the states). I'm feeling a bit stessed at the moment and I really want God to show me what He wants me to do. Part of me wants to stay and see what God does here, and part of me longs for Oak Park and just being with the people who knew me best.

Sorry if this all seems a bit depressing. It's been a hard experience and I'm a bit frustraited over the current situation. But God is in control and whatever He wants to do I'm sure will be for a good purpose.

Till next time,
Paul

I think I'm spending more time in a tent than in my house this month...is that nromal?

Wow...what a month!!

After new wine, I'm now gearing up for Soul Survivor. With all there is to do over the next two weeks, I wonder if I'll even make it alive to september!
Anyway, here it goes:

This Saturday the 18th four churches from Bognor will leave for Soul Survivor, a yearly christian festival with a number of events going on with the aim of encouraging young people aged 12 to 19. I believe this is such a needed event in the lives of so many young people. Recently in the news results were given from a study of young people in this age range, and when compared to similar studies done in the rest of Europe, a few key things stood out to me:

Young people in England have been found to be the most violent. In all of Europe, British teens have the the record for committing violent crimes, and one look at the BBC news really brings the reality home. A huge factor of this is due to such widespread underage drinking. One of the papers here today reported that kids as young as ten are getting drunk, and the knock on effect is that as they grow up without the discipline needed, they form a lifestyle of "anything goes".

British teens have the highest teen pregnancy rate. Underage relations is happening in just about every culture, but in comparison to other countries here in Europe, the scene is worst overall here in Britain.

These are just a few of the problems facing young people here, and I believe the only real hope they have is in the gospel. Please pray that our time at Soul Survivor would bear good long term fruit in the lives of everyone going (the leaders as well as the young people).

After Soul Survivor I will have a few days to reorganize myself for the next event: YOB camp. This is an event that we at Vineyard are doing for kids aged 7-11. Again, there is a real opportunity to teach and to share who God is and we need your prayers. Please pray for me specifically that God would use my short talk on the sower (Matt. 13).

After YOB camp and sometime in September I will be reviewing my contract with the church here. I don't know how this is going to go, but as of right now I think it may fall to me to decide whether to stay or move on. Please pray that God would show me/us what He wants to do.

Please pray for the weather to be kind and not rain over these two weeks! I don't mind camping, but camping in the rain just isn't my cup of tea. Please pray for my attitude as well. I know that when I get stresssed I can be a sour apple to be around! It'll take an act of God for me to be pleasant with all that's happening right now :-)

God bless! I miss you all and am looking forward to Christmas and coming home to visit again!

Till next time,
Paul

Post New Wine and pre Soul Survivor

It's amazing what a week away can do...

On July 27th I arrived at New Wine (a large Christian conference. John Wimber had a pretty big hand in some of the direction of new wine years ago). This year I thought it might be a good idea to apply for serving on a team (team members go for free and have most of their meals taken care of during the week). Back in march, it sounded like a good deal to me.

I had no idea that I would be in a dry place in life. At the start of the week I was pretty drained and didn't feel like serving. A situation all too familiar if you have spent anytime in just about any capacity of service. Just another time of forgetting why I serve and what my motives should be.

As the week progressed though, the leaders were very encouraging in the time we spent on our own to be refreshed and recharged. Most of what was said in the main sessions for the young people and in the team meetings in the mornings really resounded with me. By Thursday night I felt like I had come back to some familliar place in my personal walk with God, and felt more equipped to serve and pray for the young people.

One of the consistant themes they hit on was the fact that being at New Wine (or any big God centered conference) is time spent in a bit of a bubble. While being away gave me some new tools and perspectives on my life, I find that coming back to reality is quite difficult. I'm still waiting on God for direction and giving the best I can in the way I serve. I really hate em, but low points are great teachers too. They show me that I need God more than I ever thought I did, and I find to at times I'm really surprised by how much God does through me when I'm feeling low and have nothing to give. I'm also aware that for as bad as things seem with me, I don't have the worst of circumstances to contend with.

It's been hard at times to find people to really confide in. While I do have friends here and people who I can share a laugh with, it's hard to find someone I really connect with. If you know me you know how much I value that connection. It's in my personality...I may be a bit introverted, but the ones who I do open up to are very dear to me and I value that bond very highly. Heh heh, I love being an INFP...

I had a fairly relaxing week though since coming back from New Wine. As hard as it was being on team, I've taken most of this week off to recover. I can't believe it's friday already, but I guess time stops for no one. The plus side is that the rain is holding off and we may have a bit of a dry spell here in the wake of all that flooding. I'm glad I live near the coast. Did I mention that Bognor has recorded the most hours of sunlight in the last 100 years or so? Yeah, pretty sweet...

I hope this finds you all well. It's the best way I know how to communicate, so my apologies if it seems impersonal and distant.

Till next time,
Paul

Friends from Brazil and 24 hours of prayer...

I heard a joke recently. It goes like this:

Donald Rumsfeld enters the Oval office to brief the President. He says "Mr. President, I have some bad news. Today in Iraq, three Brazilan soldiers were killed." President Bush turns white as a sheet. He begins to sob, and sob. In the midst of his tears, the President is trying to find the words to describe how terrible he feels. After a few moments, he finally composes himself. After a brief moment, a puzzled look crosses his face, and he leans over to Rumsfeld and says "Exactly how many is a Brazillion?"

This past week was a tough one for me. I have been here 10 months, and somwhow I imagined that by this time I would be at ease with the pressures of leadership and the weight of responsibility. I thought that my heart for home would have lessoned, and that bonds of trust with new friends would be grounded. But some things in life don't really go as you plan, do they?

So last Wed. I was feeling fairly down. I went to go visit one of my newer friends named Guga (pronounced Googa), over at the Baptist church. Guga is from Brazil and has been in the UK for 6 years now. As we talked about the challenges of being in ministry, I gained some new perspectives.

Guga shared that for his first year here he didn't know the language, and had very few friends. He said that for the first year here, all he could do was watch and listen and learn. He had to learn the culture, the language and the way things are done. I could hear in his voice that life was a struggle in that first year.

After spending days praying and pondering my situation, I came to a point of realizing that God may have other things in mind for me, and my plans may need to take a back seat. What that all means, I don't know. I do know that with an uncertain short term future (the next 3 to 6 months) I'm once again waiting on God to give direction.

The nice thing though, is that I have some down time between now and the Big Three of summer. Our youth night on Wed. is on break for a bit, we just had our last Youth Alpha this past Sunday, so that really opens up a few nights for me. It's a welcome change of pace to say the least.

This past weekend we had a 24 hour prayer weekend. Kate (one of the DNA students) really had a heart for 24 hour prayer when she came back from a trip to Germany about 7 weeks ago. It was amazing to see her take the lead and pull together a rota to cover each hour in prayer from Friday night to Sunday morning. I can't wait to see what God does in response to the prayers this past weekend.

Please do continue to pray for me and the church here. It's been a hard few months for us as a body, and the strain is hard on everyone at the moment. I believe that God is faithful, and his Love and grace will always endure even in the toughest of circumstances. I believe that together with your continued prayers will we make it through this season of challenge and change.

I hope this entry finds you all well and enjoying life wherever you are.

Paul

Life is grand

It really is. After this past weekend of mud, paint ball and go-karts, I was feeling pretty shattered (english word for worn out, or super freakin tired like you never knew tired before). paintball and go-karts were my fav. Y'know, living in England is an amazing experience. New people, new location, new challenges. it's great when I'm actually enjoying this. Being out with the young people for lunch, playing games of pool or crazy golf (mini golf for you fellow yanks) and even going to the odd movie with friends is great. Recently I've been challenged to step even further out of my comfot zones, and start helping out with Fuel, our tuesday afternoon kids club for ages 6-9 (roughly). In the last month I've been involved with age groups from as young as 6 to 21 year old uni students. that's just one of the small steps I never really thought I'd be taking. But what if it wasn't all peachy? What if under the surface, something wasn't right. What if I told you that if I had known a year ago what it all would entail to be here, I would have said "no"? What about those days when it's stressful, I didn't get enough sleep, I miss my friends and my family back home, I'm barely making ends meet, I have not really left Bognor Regis (for extended holiday/vacation) in over six months, and underneath it all this really frustrating feeling that it's not good etiquette to tell people back home how draining it is to be in ministry! Sometimes it's hard here because I can't find people to really relate to my situation. I can't find the words to describe my challenges, fears, and the weight of responsibillity. Some days I feel I'm starting to crack... This past weekend at the motorsports day, one of the guys there was talking about how God gives life to the full. That we don't need to worry, we can give our cares and stress to God, because He cares and wants to deal with them. That's easier said than done. What about those times when life is more challenging than you feel prepared for, and you know that as passionately as you've been praying, things won't turn around over night? What then? There has to be something more. Nobody said being a Christian was easy, and I'm sure that as of right now, some of you reading this might want to jump in and say something positive, encouraging, or uplifiting. My intention isn't to aks for sympathy. Our lives can seem so much easier to someone else, and if they would just see it from our perspective, they wouldn't feel so bad....yet the challenges we face are unique to each of us.So then, what is my intention? I just want to get this off my chest. I can't do this alone. See if you can relate with any of the following I've been feeling recently: I'm too young for this, I'm not experienced enough, No matter how hard I try to stay on top of what needs to be done, there is always something more, I'm too stupid, I'm too weak, it's really hard trusting in God, No one understands me, I wanna quit and go home, If God gives life to the full, why do I feel like my life is anything but fulfilling? I miss home, and yet I know that when I see everyone again life won't be the same...The list could go on and on. Maybe this isn't new. Maybe I've always been a bit like this. I know I have a history of wearing my heart on my sleeve, so some of you might not be surprised to be reading this. So then, why stay? why endure it?Because of hope. Over the past two years or so, I've had words or impressions either in personal prayer times or where others have been praying for me that I would go through a challenging experience. More of a challenge than I expected, but that in the end God would make it more rewarding than I expected. So it's the hope that in spite of the hardship, there has to be something that God is doing in the midst of it all. Maybe even a bit ironic that while I have some areas of life that I have a hard time trusting God with, I'm still not giving up hope that He hasn't forgotten me. I knew a very good friend who once said "You have to be tenacious in pursuing God. You can't let anything of yourself get in the way of meeting with Him, and you need to do whatever it takes to keep pursuing Him". Thanks Ian :-) So there it is. My crapful rant. Such a mix of enjoyable moments (which I'm sure I'll remember for a lifetime) and stress almost enough to make me pull my hair out (speaking of, I found my first gray eyebrow the other day...I have never plucked an eyebrow before, but I thought it might be a good time to start....it really hurt!) I hope this finds you well! Paul

Paintballs, mud, and Jet skies!

Yeah, those are fun.
Tomorrow some of the men from my church are going on a day away to a place called Life Discovery. It's a Chrisitan based event where guys get to have fun doing a load of stuff (4X4's go carts, jetsskies and paintball to name a few of the day's activities). The main goal of the day is actually for non-believers, to show that we are Church go-ers, but we aren't afraid to take risks and have fun.

I'm excited. In spite of my knee probably making me a darn good target in paintball (ok, more of a target than usual :-) I think the day will be a load of fun and good bonding time as well.
Other than that the big news is all the planning for the big three events of summer: New Wine, Soul Survivor and YOB camp.

New Wine: This is a family oriented week away.A number of people/ familes from church are going to this event. It's loaded with guest speakers and christian artist and fun stuff for the whole family. I signed up to serve on the Youth team, but as of this entry I haven't offically heard if I'm on or not :-) We'll see how that unfolds...

Soul Survivor: I might have mentioned this before, but Soul Survivor is the big youth event of the summer. 5 churches here are going, and a good chunk of my time these last few weeks has been preparing for this one. We had a great meeting last thursday of the youth leaders in Bognor, and we came away very excited about meeting more regularly to encourage and support each other in our shared call as youth leaders in this community. We have about 8 -10 young people going from Vineyard, and they are all very excited over what God has done in years past. I'm very excited to see the relationships and faith rise from this experience.

YOB camp: This is Youth Of Bognor Camp. Young people ages 8-12 will be away for this week to learn about God in a fun and active environment. We had a leaders meeting a few weeks ago and it was a great time to talk and share about the expectations and plans for this event. I hope that by this one I won't be too worn out, as we are leaving for YOB camp two days after I get back from Soul Survivor!

The weather here has been rain, rain, rain and more rain. Today is the sunniest it's been in over a week and a half. Our church camping last weekend was canceled due to rain :-( and there has been a lot of flooding up in the north regions of the country (suddenly people realize it's not a smart idea to build houses in flood plains). I've been wearing jeans and long sleeves these past few days, and it's JULY! It's supposed to be warm! Oh well....that's england for you! I'm sure you all back in Chicago are enjoying the summer heat...

The universtiy students have all gone home for the summer, so socially things are kind of slowing down. It does give me a great chance though to spend more time with the youth, and this has been really wonderful. Yesterday was the second week of meeting for lunch and a chat, and we look forward to more times to talk, pray and socialize.

Not everything has been peachy though. We've had our times of trials (leaders stepping out of leadership) and dealing with the fallout has been very difficult for a lot of us. Stress and rough nights of sleep have been common for a few of us as we are growing in new areas of following God. This church may be a world away from most of you reading this, but as part of Christ's body we need all the prayer we can get. The road has not been easy by any means and behind the smiling pictures and happy faces has been intense trials and at times a severe longing for home. But God has been so good, and the stories of His faithfulness are sure to be what I remember for years to come.

Till next time,

~Paul

Summer Bar-b-ques and other events...

So summer is offically here! It's nice when it's not raining (which seems to be less as of recently) but the weather can move in pretty quickly.

While I'm not running just yet, the knee is making good progress, and I am walking now with no limp. Yes, it's the little things I appreciate these days :-) Over the next few weeks we're coming to the end of the Alpha course and moving on to bigger things for summer. We had the Holy Spirit day last Sunday, and I must say it went rather well! Kate (one of two DNA students and a youth volunteer) did wonderful work at creating discussions on "who is the Holy Spirit?" and "what does the Holy Spirit do?" The comments from the young people in both groups were fantastic, and in some small way we are starting to see some payoff from this course. We have two weeks to go before we finish this round, and I am already thinking of how to run the next one sometime later this year.

Next week on Thursday we have a youth leaders night. There are a few churches here who are sending youth to Soul Survivor this year (the big summer Christian youth conference) and it has been on my heart to gather as leaders to talk and pray about youth ministry in Bognor Regis and to plan out a day when our young people can meet up before the whirlwind of Soul Survivor hits.

This past Tuesday we had a night out to see The Cross And The Switchblade, the story of David Wilkinson and Nicky Cruz. While the events took place over 40 years ago, the message is still really powerful and relevant.

I am really blown away by how far north we really are. I was standing outside last night at about 10:15 and could still see the last light of day fading in the sky. There is still pretty good light at 9pm! It's funny cause I get weird looks from the locals who are used to longer daylight hours.

Overall, I'm doing ok personally. I knew this first year would be a challenge, but there are times where it is more than I expected, and I wish I could convey more to all of you back home what it's really like (both the very good, and the moments where I want to tear my hair out at the stress and frustration). I do miss all of you, and when I do think of you it is with a smile (sometimes in public while walking down the street by my self and suddenly catch that I've got a big silly smile across my face at some random memory in my mind :-)

I hope this entry finds you well!
Paul

A short update...

So last Wednesday I went to see the specilaist for my knee injury. I wasn't expecting much (I was walking fine without the crutches, and aside from not being able to run, stairs are a minor problem, but generally I'm good).

After a bit of poking and prodding, the Specialist said it looks like I tore the ligament in my knee. So I am now scheduled for an operation to have a tiny camera stuck into my knee so they can see the extent of the damage. While it is nice to be on the NHS (National Health Service) receiving free treatment, the waiting leaves something to be desired. My operation isn't untill November 27th.

By then the knee will most likely be healed, but I'm sure they want to see what the scar tissue is like. The ligaments inside the knee (or any joint for the matter) keep a certain tension. If the tension becomes too loose, then the knee can't function right and there could even be problems later on with scar tissue or arthritis. So I'm sure if I do wait till November, there will still be something to look at in my knee. At this point I am praying for total healing, or at the least an opening to go in for the operation sooner than November. After the operation, they will decide if knee surgury or anything else is needed.

Please be praying for my knee. I'm trying to not let it affect me, but it is a bit hard to take that my summer events here are limited by the physical condition. The whole turn of events is quite a surprise, comsidering I thought I was doing very well.

Other than that, I spent the day at Alton Towers on Saturday (it's a theme park kind of like Six Flags Great America, and while it's not on part with Great America, it was fun to be there). My friend Rex is getting married this Saturday, so a few of us took him out to have some fun at Alton Towers.

Sunday we had a speaker and band come from Hillsongs church. Hillsongs church is a fast growing movement out of Austrailia, and over the last few years they have produced some quality christian music. It was different from our usual sunday morning experience, which was refreshing I think for most people :-)

This week we look forward to the Holy Spirit day for our youth alpha course. Sunday (yesterday) we had a break from the course to listen in the main service with the young people, and I heard one of them comment that she really liked the speaker and actually wanted to listen to him. This rallied her boyfriend to sit in the service as well :-) I'm very excited by those kinds of comments, and I hope this next week more walls can be broken in how the young people view church. Please keep the youth alpha course in your prayers.

Thank you for your prayers! I hope you are enjoying summer and sunshine wherever you are.
Paul

Summertime Fun!!

So after (what feels like) many days of rain, the sun seems to be up for more sunshine! (although it is amazing how fast the weather can change here! I rarely go out without a light jacket or my umbrella!) This past week was the half term break, so the young people were off of school (some of them went away on holiday with their families) and the uni students have all but reached the end of the year. So I had a lot of time on my hands to say the least. Which was kind of nice, really.

Just over two weeks ago I was out with some friends who are attending the university of Chichester, and it was their last real night before heading off for the summer. So we decied to make a day and a night of it, which was packed with silly fun (mini golf, a few games of pool, dinner and a bit of cranium, one of the craziest board games). It was a late night and about midnight we got the crazy idea to go over to the skate park near the seafront. I had the wonderful idea to run around on the half pipe. What seemed like a silly idea didn't end up so well as I twisted my knee and damaged the ligament that runs along side my left knee cap. Ouch.
My friends were real troopers. They prayed for me right there at my request (I thought I had dislocated the knee again, and I was not thrilled at the thought of going through that again). After resting a bit my friends got me up and helped carry me to a taxi and back to my flat. At this point my friends could have just left me at the comfort of sleeping on my couch, but they insisted on staying with me the night. I was sad that such a fun time was topped off with an injury (a very silly one at that!) but I am still very thankful for friends who carried me and took care of me under the frustrating and painful circumstances.

The next day I went to the ER (A&E as it's called here, for Accident and Emergency) and as I thought, they took x-rays, said I had done some streching or maybe tearing of the ligament and that I would need crutches.

Two weeks later I am walking without the crutches and I am due to see the specialist again tomorrow to find out if there is any serious damage (I don't think there is at this point, but we'll see what the doc has to offically say).

So that kind of slowed me down a bit. I am still playing drums and I've been asked to play drums for cousins of one of my friends here (It's nice because it's a bit of a different atmosphere to play in).

Last Thursday I went bowling with some friends from church and while the leg was a bit of a handicap the first game (I think I managed a 55 the first game!) the second game I scored a 144. One of my best games in a looooong time. I was out done by my friend Pat by two pins. My glory was stolen! :-)

The youth alpha course has continued to go well (thanks for your prayers!!). We are six weeks in and have about 4 more to go. The young people are bringing very good questions and this next Sunday we have a real opportunity to pray for them there and give them an experience that could change their lives. Please pray for the Holy Spirit day to be a success and that God would be speaking directly into their lives.

Overall church life is exciting as we head into summer. I am finding more and more personal challenges, but at the same time I am thankful for the friendships and the trust that is being built. It's a surreal experience at times of being so far from home and the "usual" life that I was used to. Living in England can be close to life back home at times, but it can also feel very different. All in all though, I am enjoying it and am looking forward to more adventures.

Till next time!
Paul

Sunshine and rain

Well, it's hard to believe it's been 7 months. Over the past few weeks I've been really excited, and there is the potential for so much to happen this year here.

Saturday the 6th of May, about 7 of us from my tuesday night home group held a 1940's themed birthday party. We rented out a hall over in Eastergate and decoreated the room in 1940's style. Food, music and dancing (there may be a very embarrasing video of me dancing posted online at some point in the near future...don't worry, I'll let you know when and where!)

Last week from Monday through Friday I was pretty much out of comission with a head cold. When I was finally better I didn't feel at all prepared for the weekend. Saturday was a very full day with a large portion going to the Holy Spirit day (part of the Alpha course we're running here). Over the last 10 weeks we have run a very successful Alpha course. For those of you who maybe don't know what an Alpha course is, it is a place where people can come and find out about the Christian faith in a friendly and warm atmosphere over a hot meal. I have been a part of the course in a supporting role over the last 5 weeks or so, and it has been interesting to watch the changes that are happening in the non-christians who have been coming along.

Saturday was a big day of prayer and finding out more of who God is. After the day away, I went to a barbeque for one of my friends to celebrate her birthday. I had to leave the party a early to go attend another church event over in Chitchester (ReturnUK). I was quite tired after that, and decieded not to go meet up with another friend's birthday party....so it was a full weekend.
Sunday was church and over the last 4 weeks now we have been running a youth Alpha course. This has been a very good experience so far, and I am convinced this is due to the team really coming together in the support of the vision. we hope to see young people develop their faith and experience the love that God has for them. I can say that so far that goal has been met more than I expected, and it has been wonderful to see the youth growing in their faith. Please pray for this course as we continue on over the next few weeks. There is so much potential for good relationships and mentoring here, and it is our goal to do our part in making sure that growith continues to happen. Ultimately, without God in it, we won't see anything longterm, and I cannot stress how key the longterm impact needs to be.

Recently I have had a deep desire to see more of God. I want to see more people coming to faith, and more people finding freedom from the various issues that are keeping them tied down in one respect or another. I firmly believe God wants to do so much more here in Bognor. Over the last two days however, I have come to discover that the price to pay can be a bit painful. Personally I have been challenged to put aside my pride and my expectations or assumptions of how God wants to work. I don't know if you can relate to the feeling of pushing down pride and the desire to have everything worked out, and going through spiritual discipline...if you can relate then you know what I mean when I say that the more I see of God's plan, the more frustraited I can be at the fact that I need to rely on God for EVERYTHING.

While the challenges can feel immensly difficult at times, I do find that I am consistantly humbled at the many ways in which God shows his faithfulness and confirms that this is indeed, where I am supposed to be. And I wouldn't trade that for anything.

This next week a lot is unfolding. I have been asked to take on more leadership in the trip to Soul Survivor (the big summer youth conference here in England). I'm aiming to get away sometime and hopefully go see France or Scotland. I know the summer will get busy very fast, and before that happens I hope to have a chance to get away and recharge my batteries. Please pray that God opens a door for me to have some good time away and soon.

I hope this entry finds you well. I do miss home and think of you often.
Paul

These past few days...

Below is a bit of an email report I sent to my parents about what's been happening here. Thought you might like to hear as well. I miss you guys and am praying for you when ever I think of you. Enjoy!

Paul

Saturday night I was at an event called ReturnUK, a christian worship night put on by a really gifted worship leader here who used to attend Vineyard. He now works with Uni students in Chitchester 1 night a week and is a successful web designer. Rex (that's his name)called me last week and told me that if there was one event to bring young people to, this was it. So I invited Sarah, James, and Poppy (three of our core young people...james couldn't make it in the end, sadly) and I invited Kelly, Laura, Kate and Helen from the uni student group. Rex had a guest speaker (Gearald Coates) come along. Gerald kind of reminds me of John Wimber, and like wimber he has started a church movement here called Pioneer church. Seems pretty close to Vineyard to me. Anyway, Saturday was amazing. It started with worship (as it usually does) and then we kind of wait and see what God wants to do. It's all a very relaxed environment kind of thing. And after Gearald shared some things, he asked if there was a Sarah in the room. Now, you have to understand that there were about 40-50 of us in this room. There was bound to be at least two sarah's in the room, or so I thought. In the end, Sarah Morris was the only one, and she went up with Poppy and got a powerful prophectic word. Knowing what I know of Sarah and her heart for Africa and children, I think most of the word was spot on. The word was basicially about Sarah being called to the missions field, and that she has a heart to work with children and that God is going to use that gift to touch thousands of lives. And that Sarah and Poppy are friends for a very specific reason, and that they have a call together to serve God.

After this, Kelly (who's been a Christian for about 8 months or so) came over to me. I was sitting on the floor, and she came up next to me and said that she felt God had a word for me. She said that while Gerald was sharing some things about how to hear from God she asked God "if this is real, can you give me a word for Paul?" and she said the response she heard was so clear, and like nothing she had heard before. The resoponse was "Tell him I believe in him". It got me at first when she said it, and I knew it was God in my heart. I thanked kelly with a smile and was so proud of her for taking the risk to share that. After she went away and started talking to someone else, I broke down crying, cause it was so good to hear. I've been stressing about the youth alpha (we started that this weekend) and I've had a lot on my plate as a young leader and have been asking God "when is it all going to be worth it? when do I see fruit from my sacrifice?" and while that didn't answer all my questions about direction, or about what I'm meant to be doing, it certainly cut to my heart on a lot of things.

Sunday we had a full service. We had two children dedicated and we had 8 people get baptized sunday night. 5 of them under 21, and individuals I work with. We all were so encouraged to see young people taking such a stand in faith. Helen and Kelly were two of the five. Really great young believers, and I am so excited over how far they have come in their faith these past few months. Last monday Helen asked me to baptize her. I was blown away, and was so honored to be asked. I've been here barely 7 months and already I'm honored to be baptizing people! wow.

Sunday night I got a call from Helen. She lives with 4 other students (all female) and one of her housemates (who I'm kind of friends with as well) talked to Helen before bed and said that she thinks she believes in God! Helen called me wanting to know what verses to go to and some steps to maybe walk through. I gave her a few and said that if they wanted to chat more I would be available today before group or after. i was so thrilled to hear of another entry into God's kingdom, and I'm so proud of Helen's testimony and the way she lives her life in front of 4 non-christian housemates.

We also had the start of our youth alpha course. I was a bit nervous of how to take the opener, but I felt good about it in the end. The team is very excited, the young people are ready for it, and I feel confident that God has plans to use it to encoourage, train and equip the young people in their everyday life. Wow. A lot is happenening at the moment!

This next weekend is our annual men's weekend away, and I'm very excited about that as well. Jan has asked me to take a session over the weekend, and I said I was more than happy to do so. I have yet to hear what the theme will be or if there is a specific topic I should go for, but overall I am very honored to have a chance to share something of God in my life with the men.

Wed. we are starting a youth night for younger guys. We have a pretty good crowd (5 or 6) and I hope to see those numbers grow. Jan and I will be leading it, I am a bit uneasy over the first week, but once we fall into a routine, I'm sure I'll be more comfortable with the role.

So that's what's been happening. I'm learning new things and seeing a lot of good come from it, and yet I am constantly reminded of the fact that i am a young leader and in leadership I can't please everyone or get everything right 100% of the time. It's a tough lesson and one I may always have to be reminded of. But for now I'm thankful for this weekend and all that God did!

Birthday Fun!!

So last Wednesday was my 27th birthday. Kind of funny to think, I'm already 3 years shy of 30!

The day was really good though. One of my downstairs neighbors prepeared breakfast for me. We had Crepe's (french pancakes). It was a good start to the day. The weather was FANTASTIC and I spent a good part of the day out in the sun. Throughout the day I had texts on my phone from friends here wishing me well and I even had a few cards. I now have a nice collection sitting on the mantle at home, and I even got a b-day box from my folks, which was a lovely touch. I went out that night with a few friends and had a nice time chatting and relaxing near the beach. Other friends are talking about taking me out at some other time to make up for missing the day (most of the university students were away on break).

As nice as the day was, I must admit I did have twinges of homesickness as I remembered past birthday's, and I wished that ALL of my friends could have been here with me to celebrate.
This week I'm heading back in to the swing of things as youth and uni students return back to Bognor from different places around the country and the globe (we had a few youth go to South Africa for a missions trip).

As life continues to move forward here, I am still thinking of home. Been dealing with homesickness, and trying to keep focused on the bigger picture. While I would love to be home in Oak Park comfy and secure, I also know that God has something here, and I don't want to miss it.

Yesterday, James, one of our young people met me for breakfast. James has recently returned from America to visit his parents there. After breakfast, James and I went to pick up a couch that he had purchased earlier that morning. It was quite funny, cause neither of us have a car, so we had to carry the couch half way through town to get it back to James' place! We got a number of odd looks to say the least!

Thank you for your prayers. Please keep praying for me to stay focused on God and to find my peace, strength, hope and comfort in Him.

till next time!
~Paul

April Showers...

well, almost april.

This past weekend I went with two friends (Martin and Debie) up to London to see the sights! It was a very good trip to say the least. We left Friday morning and arrived in London just around lunchtime. I was a bit queasy from the car ride, but I soon got over that (thankfully keeping down the pie and mash we had for lunch).

After lunch we took a walk in to more of London, starting at Tower Bridge. Shortly before we got to the bridge, I was inspired to sing and dance to the song "my little buttercup" from the film "The Three Amigos". This set a trend for the weekend that came to be called a "pob" (public out-burst). We made our way down along the thames river and arrived at the Tate museum of modern art. Me and my friend Martin were quite amazed at the large main hall, and while it probably would have been nice to browse the galleries, we were heavily distracted by the overwhelming need to go down the immense slide (debie took one look at the slide and decided it wasn't her cup of tea). There was a curly slide that went from the 5th floor all the way down to the ground floor- totally free to ride. We had to go and get tickets for it (tickets told us what time we would need to line up for the ride) and we had a little over an hour to kill before we had to be back for the adventure. We took a walk aross the Millenium Bridge and went around a local market for a bit and then made our way back to the museum. After standing in line for the slide, it was Martin's turn. As we were in line the man who wa taking tickets said it was a good idea to wear elbow pads. When asked why he replied "because you can get up to 30 miles per hour in there, and you don't want that kind of skin burn!" I was laughing at that. The ride took a little over 10 seconds, and it was quick. Quite fun too. We also found out it's the longest slide in all of England!

Friday night we went to go see the Lion King on stage. A very good show, and even though we were at the last row of the balcony, it was still a great show and took me back to being 9 years old and going to see stage shows with my family. I even found a 10 pound note on the floor at the theater! It helped later when we took a taxi back to the flat where Debie's mom lives.

Saturday We went and saw the Natural history museum and the Science museum, both really close to Hyde Park (made me think of Chicago!). We got lunch and ate near the water in Hyde Park even though it was a cold and windy day. I don't know if I'll opt to do that again...

We left London at about 3:30 and drove over to Greenwich and saw the Cutty Sark (a famous ship) but it was under construction, so we walked up the hill to the meridian line (where time zones "start"). Took some pictures and then had to be off again!

We were back to Bognor by about 7:30 or 8, went to rent a film (The Prestige) and got some dinner. We watched the film at my place and had a nice time hanging out before our short weekend trip was over.

The rest of my week has been good so far, with various activities with friends (uni students, homegroup friends, and friends from church). Some of the young people from church have left for a missions trip to South Africa for two and a half weeks, so the Thursday night group is off for a bit. In place of that, I have started to attend the Alpha course here, and am looking forward to gaining experience and ideas before we set off to do the Youth Alpha course at the end of April. Along with this, there is a two week break for University students, so some of my friends have gone home for the break. I am looking forward to having some time to do different things and plan new things for the next few months. To top it all off, I turn 27 in less than two weeks!! Wow, my first birthday overseas! Sure to be one to remember...

That's life in a nutshell here. I hope this finds you all well and happy where ever you may be!
Please do drop me a line sometime and let me know how you're doing!

Till next time!
~Paul

Warmer weather and steps of faith...

So since my last entry, lifes been interesting.

It's been great watching friendships build. I feel like I can forget how easy it can be to connect with people, and I can sometimes even take for granted how my personality works and connects with people. Over the last two weeks it's been great cause all these little moments of connection have added up and I'm feeling a lot more confident and comfortable around people.

My time with my cousin Sus was grand (although the weather could've co-operated a bit more!) and I'll post photos at some point soon (maybe today?) Am at the Vineyard fairtrade shope today, so this may seem a bit disjointed as I am back and forth with customers and typing this...

This weekend was clear weather and my first leaders dinner was Sunday night! Was great to be in a relaxed atmosphere out of church and just talk with people. Moments like that are really special, and I am in awe more and more at the work God has done already, and that I am so priveleged to be around such humble serving people.

What's changing? some of it has been my faith. Recently God has been highlighting some of the ways I have not trusted Him. Sometimes faith and trust for God feels like taking a step up on an invisible staircase. But last week I started each day with a prayer that I would trust God and find more confidence in Him. Since then I've rarely shrunk away from decisions or issues that I've needed to face. God has been showing that He's bigger than my fears or situations. Sometimes an elementary lesson, but one I think we keep coming back to and growing in.

I wish you could experience what this means to me. I've been to the top of the world in the Canadian rockies, and I've been to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, but didn't really think I could be the kind of person to go half way round the world in this way. And the joys have been super amazing, and the challenges have been daunting, but God has been dealing with those and opening my eyes in the process, and I am excited to be an encouragement to people as I find my Joy in God.

This past weekend I felt God reminded me what I'm living for. and I shared this Sunday morning to encourage the church. God reminded me:

When I was 15 I went to my first school dance. I was good friends with a girl who asked me to be her date to homecoming. We had talked that week before of what we would wear and so I had some idea of what she would look like. So imagine if you will, me as a 15 year old, so nervous as I'm waiting in her front room with my parents and trying to make small talk with her parents. After what felt like an eternity, I heard her voice from upstairs saying she was ready. The moment she walked into the room for one brief moment the world melted away and it was just the two of us, smiling at each other. I'm convinced my heart skipped a few beats in that moment...her hair done by her aunt, that beautiful burgundy dress and those blue eyes and wonderful smile staring back at me. I thought "that's my date. That's who I get to dance with and I wouldn't want anyone else in the world". As I remembered that moment on Saturday, I felt that God was saying one day when I meet Jesus, it will be like that moment, only a million times better cause Jesus will be so real. Right now it can sometimes feel like he's just another story in the Bible or a list to follow rather than a person. But I'd rather live for a person than a checklist or story. In this place of finding my faith I'm also finding how real Jesus us. And that's what I wish the rest of you could see.

It's been a bit heartbreaking as well because I know that each person has to make that choice for themself, and sometimes watching those around me seemingly miss who Jesus is breaks my heart. The best I can do for anyone (the young people, the university students, the youth staff and whoever else I interact with) is model the Jesus I know.

Last night in the Uni-student group we did a scavenger hunt around town! It was fun, and I may do it with the youth at some point as well. At the end of March, some of my friends and I are planning another trip up to London, so I'm VERY excited to see that city again! I haven't really been around there since last September when I first came.

On a scary note, I think I am slowly adapting to english life. I now call the bathroom the loo, and I find myself phrasing things differently and even adapting to some of the english insults! I enjoy watching rugby, and while I don't think the accent is there, it may not be far behind! Oh I'm also texting people more than I talk on the phone...the things I used to laugh at, I'm now doing! Oh well, when in rome...

I hope this entry finds you well, and please do drop me a line!
~Paul

March already???

What an adventure!

The previeous week was the half term break and that Wed. we took almost 20 young people over to Playzone in Portsmouth (Playzone is a big indoor playground where you can run, crawl, slide and jump off objects). I played tag with some of the young people until I couldn't run anymore. I guess my age was showing...it was a huge confidence booster, and I think we all had a blast.

Each day this past week has been good. Last Friday I met up with Ian Morris and Jan for tea and a chat about how things are going. I was honest with them and told them I've been a bit uneasy and have been dealing with things on a personal level that has spilled over into "work". Some of it I just chalk up to first year in ministry, and other stuff I know goes deeper and God is continuing to work on things He started to chip away at last year about this time. We had a good chat and I felt relieved to share things that were kind of heavy to carry.

Sunday night was a "soaking session" here at the back of the church office/ store. For those who don't know what soaking is, it's an extended time of prayer and meditation with God. I was quite refreshed and it helped me enter the week with more confidence.

Since then I've felt much more open. Tuesday at housegroup I shared some other things and while it felt a bit of a risk to open up, it was well received and I was very encouraged. I've begun to see some steps forward with both youth groups. At this present time we've lost some members in both groups, but overall it seems morale is picking up, and I'm excited to see some of them opening up in new ways. This week was particularly hard on one of the girls in the Troop (Thursday night) group as her older brother is recovering from an attack last Friday that left him needing surgery to put a plate in his left cheek bone (cause his face was beaten so badly) and he now faces a 50% chance of losing most of his facial nerves to the left side of his face. We took time to pray for the family after Troop which went very well.

Personally I have been challenged but I've also been very joyful this week. Sus (my cousin from the states) came over this past Thursday and she came down to see me along with her older sister Abi (my other cousin who lives up in Bedford) on Tuesday.

Life goes on here and I can't believe it's almost spring! The days are slowly getting longer and warmer and I'm feeling more and more settled in to the new environment here. Do feel free to drop me a line when you get a chance!
~Paul

A fun week...

So once again, a ton has happened since I last posted.

last Thursday was the National Leaders Conference. Quite the day on a number of levels! I won't bore you with the details, but I felt God spoke to me about a few things that were on my mind (one big thing was using my time wisely, something I have struggled with now and then). The evening prayer/ ministry time was amazing (prayer for those under 30) and I felt God touching on other things there as well.

Overall it was a day of learning and equipping for the road ahead, and as I've thought more about the year ahead I wonder if I am ready for the challenges...more on that later.

Saturday night was another good evening over in Chitchester. Rex Allchurch (one of the local worship leaders) has partnered with one of his friends (Chris Kent) and they are starting up meetings once a month called ReturnUK which meet on or about the first Saturday of the month. It's just a prayer/ worship meeting. It was another good night and one in which I felt God speaking more about destiny and equipping for the road ahead.

Sunday I woke with a lovely sore throat and cough. Made for a challenging day, but the upshot was I prayed for one of the members of our Uni home group (for re-occuring headaches) and since then she's not had a single headache all week! After church I had a call with the parents (always nice to touch base with "home") and then a youth team meeting.

The meeting...went well for the most part, but really opened my eyes to some things that were hard to take at first. But let me share briefly what I am learning out of that experience:

1. I am leading a team. Something I haven't really done before on a level like this. I have no doubts as to managing the team, but it is more work than I thought. It's people, people who want to know they are appreciated, and that the time and resources they put in to serving the youth are not unnoticed and worth something to someone (it's exactly how I felt when I came in to youth ministry).

2. I am a new leader. I had hopes that every move I make this year would be as smooth as skating on freshly made ice. That however is not the case. In dealing with people I have to learn how to communicate with each one individually but also lead them as a whole. It's a welcome challenge, but a challenge nontheless.

3. I love working with people. There are fun times, memories to be made, and hopefully in a few years we'll all sit around and laugh about these current experiences in ministry and friendships with one another. I dislike working with people. Miscommunication happens, people carry baggage (I have my own issues to contend with!) and we're all fallen creatures. Funny how it's both and I don't get to choose. We can learn and grow together and work to make the experience less crazy, but there are still things to smooth out and it's all based on the foundation of people and how we get along.

4. Prayer. One of the people at the meeting mentioned that if we are to do this certain curriculum, we need to make sure it is covered in prayer cause it's going to take a lot more than just a 10 week commitment to make it work. I thought "how much prayer cover am I getting? being in leadership is great but it puts me out there and I want to be as protected as possible in these spiritual battles we're facing".

That was sunday. I realized that if I had to do the meeting over again I would have pushed the curriculum agenda aside and just checked in with how people were doing. Instead I did a brief check in and tried to make progress with discussing things that maybe could have waited. Lessons to be learned...

Monday I woke and was still sick (oh yes, being ill at the meeting didn't really help much...). Half way through the day I began to have pain in my lower right side (just below the ribs) and was only comfortable lying down on my left side in the fetal position (not good I thought!) called Trish Morris (she works at the local hospital) and she told me to go get checked out in the Accident and Emergency department (it's their version of an ER). Went to A&E and the doctor took some blood, did some other tests and I waited for a few hours. Tests came back negative...so nothing to do with my apendix like I was worried about. The rest of the week has been a bit less eventful (still have a head cold with a stupid tickle in my throat that makes me cough!) and I've stayed home for the most part. I have had a lot of time to think about what I'm going to do with my time and to pray about what God wants me to do.

I want to ask you, my dear family and friends, if you would consider stepping up the prayer support. There is a lot going on here personally and corporately and it is always nice to know that the prayer support is happening. Please let me know if you would like to make more of a commitment AND please let me know how I can pray for you. If there is a day of the month that you could take or if there is a way to arrange something, let me know. I can't stress how important this issue is.

It has been nice to have down time though. It seems as if God is giving me time to pray and gather my thoughts and seek direction. I have had a load of caring thoughts and texts from friends here, which has been fantastic. In spite of being sick, God has been using it to show me people are supporting me here and I'm very encouraged by it all.

That's about it for now. Hope this entry finds you all well! Till next time!

Paul

coming together...

so it's been awhile...

I'm settling in, and making great frinds (i can't tell you how nice it is to feel like I can laugh and be myself around more and more people). The university group has been a good deal of fun. I don't know if we'll meet tonight, but that aside I am making good friends there.

Paul (another drummer here) has been a good friend. We like the same movies, music and his personality is almost exactly like mine! I'm blown away by how God can send someone around the world and know what type of people they would fit with.

I have been very challenged on faith and trusting God for things. I guess it's part of finding my feet here.

Anyway, I have to sign off for now, but wanted to drop a line and say I'm alright and to please keep praying. The ups are good but the challenges are going to get interesting as life goes on I expect...exciting though being a first time leader and finding out all sorts of new things!!

Miss home and hope you all are well!
Paul

Back in the UK

So...a lot has happened since I last posted, and I mean a LOT.

in a bit of a socially active room at the moment, but I'm going to attempt to fill in the blanks of the last week since I left Chicago (sigh...again) and arrived back here.

It was a great time with my folks, and Christmas day I was a bit...emotional to say the least. I couldn't figure it out, but it was really nice to be with my family (even though Aaron didn't come in the end). After home I went back to Chicago for another 9 days and had a good time seeing people. I really miss everyone. Dan and I had a GREAT chance to get caught up on life and I realized how much I took for granted all my time at Oak Park.

I will warn you now:-) that I'm going to do a bit of soul bearing, so if emotionally charged blogs isn't your thing than maybe this is one to skip...

It's amazing how easy it is to take for granted friends and co-workers. I knew when I started the internship that it would be short term and there were times where I couldn't wait for it to be over. There were days when I was so mad at the ammount of work I had to do, and I didn't realize how much growing was happening. And having amazing people around (Dan, Ian, Jen and Fifer to name a few who I saw almost every day for those two years) and people who stood with me in prayer and so much more from church...it was amazing and I miss it.

So my last night in town I was up packing at 11:30 and I thought to call my dad (we hadn't REALLY talked when I was there and I think we both wanted at least one really good quality conversation before I left). I called Dad and it hit me almost as soon as I heard his voice on the other end: I want to go home.

in 2003 I lost home. My parents moved to Arizona, I was out on my own and I knew deep inside that I would never be able to really go home. I made a secondary home of sorts at vineyard oak park, but now here I was home temporaraly and set to go back to the UK in the next 24 hours...and life felt like it would never be the same. It really hit me there talking to my dad about how much I want to belong someplace. any place where I can be myself and have people who know me and who don't tell me what I want to hear. Where I can cry and not feel I'm surrounded by strangers...I sat there talking to my dad and said "I feel like the last dregs of home are draining away and part of me wants to hold on with everything I have" and yet even with the tears streaming down my face I knew there was nothing I could do to stop the flow of time.

Dad knew how I felt and he said "I remember taking you with me to work when you were three years old. As I watch you now moving out into the world, I realize that I can't protect you anymore" as I heard the words through his teary voice I knew it was a caring father who always wanted the best for his boys and now they are all grown up. What he said next really impacted me for the journey ahead: "I want you to know that I support you in the face of the challenges and I'm cheering you on every step of the way". I knew then why I felt so emotionally charged at home. Because I wanted to be there and hang on to every last bit and memory of home.
The next day was church and I had the priveledge of playing drums. I enjoyed it much and after the 2nd service people gave their applause in thanks for being there. I talked to Ian about the subject of home and he told me everything would be ok, and that I just need to give it 5 years and then I'll be in the groove:-) that's encouraging. It was hard saying goodbye again and not knowing when I'll be back around. My visa is for one year (with an optional 1 year extension) so for at least the next year this is home. I've spent the week trying to get over jet lag (waking at 4 in the morning is hard...it's a very lonely time and it's really the only time when I look at my watch and wonder what all my friends are doing back in Chicago).

Aside from the jet lag, it's been ok so far. The jet lag has had a domino effect with feeling ready to tackle the position here. I've been trying not to worry about little things and keep my focus on God and so far I've been pleasntly surprised by how famillair things seem here (part of me that was totally worried about getting along with people before has gone and I try to just be me (I'd rather people like me for me anyway!). I've gotten along with people who I wasn't so sure about before, so that's a good thing.

I realized on the plane here that I can't do this on my own. I was praying about it and felt God say "you're right, you can't". I guess the truth is that God may be using me and working through me, but it's not about me. God has a plan here and I want to stay focused on him and that's hard to do when I'm working on so much...friendships, work, and making this place my home. The times I get worried are when I lose that focus and start to worry about me or how I'm going to get on with my life here. It is different though this time around cause I know more of what it's going to take and I've got some good foundations here already.

I've had a good weekend and there is so much more I want to say about all that I've been thinking, but I guess this will do for now. I'm thankful that my surroundings don't feel so foreign, and I don't feel like such a tourist. Prayers are still needed, and I do miss home. The upside is that I made it three months here and if I can do three, I can do six, and if I can do six...well so on and so forth.

ok I think I'm done for now. thanks for your prayers and friendships! miss you all!
Paul