The journey continues...

So a bit ago I posted on "A Crisis of faith, and the journey toward redemption" and shared about the experience of England.

Now it seems, I see a little more of why I'm back in the states.

Part of me has come to realize that I miss England, and knowing what I know now I would have stayed. But God knew then (as He knows now) that I did the best with what I had to work with. And maybe in that, God intended for me to be back now. Here's what's happened:

At my church here in Oak Park, our senior pastor has resigned. Before you get all wild and crazy with shock, it's nothing "bad" this time around. But it is still sad.

Over the last 12 years Dave and Anita Frederick have led the Oak Park Vineyard. They helped shape the church from two churches that were merging, to the current size of about 400 or so. Over the years they have seen many people come to Christ, get healed, get married and have children. They have poured so much love and encouragement into the lives of the people who currently attend and those who passed through on their journey of faith.

The Fredericks have also had their low times with cancer, other health issues, a death in the family, and moving a few times from here to there and back again as well as tending to the pastoral duties required of them. In short, they have not had much room to breathe.

The other sobering aspect is that often the pastor who helps grow a church finds that he or she has a differnt skill set than what is needed to carry the church past a certain point. I think we all know that nothing lasts forever this side of heaven, but that doesn't make trasition phases any easier. The Fredericks have recognized these issues with an amazing ammount of humility and grace. I can vouch for them, and say with certainty that they have put the needs of the church above their own even to the last day. They are my heroes, to say the least.

I have been very honored to know the Fredericks over the years that I have been around at Vineyard Oak Park. I have seen all three of their children in the youth group, and the kids have taken on a faith of their own that is encouraging, warm and amazing in the face of the "usual" happenings of pastor's kids.

I've known about the resignation for a few weeks now, and it's been a tough reminder of the reality of ministry. Sometimes you know things before other people, and due to various circumstances or other details you have to keep under wraps. Ministry is wonderful at times when people get healed, or experience a major life change by the love of God. But there are other times where ministry has to be handeled much like a corperation or organization. It's the side to church life that no one really enjoys cause it can smell at times of "organized religion" but at the same time it is crucial to running a church.

So last Thursday the news broke to the wider church that the Sr. Pastor's are resigning. The news was met with several questions, and overall the meeting went very well. While my first reaction to the news when I first heard it was to not even want to hear it and be emotionally shut off (cause it brought back a flood of undealt with emotion from England) I have come to see this as a hard thing, but a good thing.

This time I had forwarning. I had the assurance that this time around, I am not alone. I have people I can talk to, and the best part of all is that the story has hope behind it. Sure the Fredericks are stepping down, but there is hope that after a year of re-working through their strengths and weaknesses, they could be leading another church that needs to benefit from what they have to offer.

All this got me thinking: For has hard as it was to watch the Bognor Vineyard go through the hurts of a leader who made a bad call, there are also times when leaders can do everything RIGHT and still have to transition on to something else. It's not easy, but it does have tons of hope behind it.

Is this why God brought me back here? To see that yes, ministry is hard, but not all leaders step out due to sin or some other flaw...

I don't know what all God has in store for the Fredericks, or me. But I am priveleged to see the view from the inside out. For now the next step for us as a church is to take a few months to grieve the loss. So many people have been touched by the lives of the Frederick family, and it's not going to be a smooth transition. However, it is comforting for me to know we are giving plenty of space to the grief process before we make any decisions on what's next. I'll keep you posted.

Till next time,
~Paul

New Mexico Adventures

So last week I was away for a few days to see some friends down in New Mexico (I know, you might be thinking "why New Mexico? isn't it more like New Mexican't??" and you would be right, but I'll explain....)

So a buddy of mine, Tim got asked to go play for a youth worship conference by another friend, Ray. Ray is a good guy who we've known for a few years. Ray and his wife left Oak Park Vineyard a few years ago and moved to N.M. Ray is now the volunteer youth leader for his church in Taos, N.M. Two years ago Ray brought some of his young people up here to attend our summer youth conference, Engram (see previous posts).

So Tim got asked to go lead worship, but how did I fall into the plan?

Good question. I knew you readers were smart :-)

I was kind of whining a few months back about how I really wanted to get away. Tim had talked about going to Mexico in the past, and I thought that sounded cool. But as usual, money was tight and it looked like Mexico wasn't going to happen. Then Tim mentioned that he and Ray had talked, and they thought it would be cool for me to tag along. Hee hee, I got the better end of that deal I think. For Tim, it was more work with planning and prepping a talk for the conference. I got to go have my vacation :-)

Well, as plans unfolded Tim got asked to speak for 45 minutes the opening night. I was impressed to say the least when Tim came and asked me to help him prep his talk on "What does Worship mean?" and even more humbled when Tim asked me to help wrap up the talk and pray at the end. Here's a bit more detail after we landed on Wed. June 4th:

Wed. eve we went to Taos to check out the youth group and talk a bit about what the next few days would look like. It was great to see familiar faces as well as new ones. It seemed they were all really excited to have Tim and I there as guests.

Wed. eve we went back to Ray and Brandy's place and got settled. Their dogs (Sydney and Jasper) were really wild to have guests. Their house is about a 20 minute drive out from Taos, and really close to the mountains. Wed. it was like in the 80's when we got there, and Thursday morning when we woke up there was 2 inches of snow on the ground! I tried to get pictures with my camera, but the batteries died on me :-( so I was slightly sad that I had all these great ideas for pictures, but no way to take them.

Thursday we had Brandy's car. We drove to Ray's work and posed as two delivery guys with a box for Ray that we needed him to sign for. It was funny when Ray came out to see us. The whole place laughed when Ray said he knew us and started taking us around to meet his co-workers. Ray gave us a map and some really good ideas of places we could go to see (the day was still fairly cloudy and cool, so we weren't really motivated to do much sight seeing). We did drive into Taos and had a bit of a walk around. The place is kinda boring with loads of art galleries that look a lot alike. We saw a few galleries and I was like "didn't we see this same art in that last place??"

Thursday night was the start of the worship conference. Tim and I opened with a bit of worship, followed by teaching by Tim and wrapped up by me with a time of prayer and then more worship led by us (I played hand percussion, which went OK, but I really wanted a drum set!). After the session we went out for ice cream with the youth, and had a great time just chilling. We then watched a movie at Ray and Brandy's before bed.

Friday Tim and I hiked around the Gorge that's just outside of Taos, and then we went to meet up with Ray. The Pastor was talking to Ray at the church when we got there to meet Ray, and James (the sr. pastor) offered us jobs if we wanted to move to taos. Without laughing too hard at the idea, we told james we would "pray" about it, lol. I think he knew we probably wouldn't but he made sure we knew the offer was always open. We left the church and went to Brandy's work to drop off her car. I went in first and pretended I was there for a meeting with her for insurance quotes. The lady who greeted me bought it until Tim and Ray walked in. I had a whole prank worked out, but I didn't get to play it. Probably a good thing.

Friday night was more worship with a message on worship by Ray. It went well and after the session we got to pray for a few people, including the Sr. pastor's wife who had a back injury due to a car accident a few weeks ago. She didn't seem to get healed, but she was open to prayer which was cool.

After the session we went back to Ray and Brandy's with a few of the young people. Ray and I had to go back to the church to get something for one of the youth. While we were there a homeless guy came up and started talking to me and Ray. We got to help him a bit with items to make his night a bit more comfy and we even got to pray for him. We really wanted to see him at church on Sunday, but I guess he lived out in the far reaches of town, so maybe he didn't get a ride back.

We hung out for a bit with a few of the youth and some stand up comedy that one of the guys had on his computer, and finally kicked them out at like 1am.

Saturday some of the youth went over to a local park (in Taos) with instruments and we hung out, sang a few songs and played a few games. One of the guys brought his family dog (it actually was a HUGE animal, and when I first saw it I said "who brought the polar bear!??")

After that we had a pretty free day so we went and took a bit of a nap at the house. We were invited over to the Sr. pastor's house for dinner with their family, which went well. Sunday was church which Tim and I led with one of the youth. After church there was a "family meal" kind of like a church pot-luck, and then we had to head out to our flight. We said our goodbyes, and I could tell that some of the youth and adults we pretty bummed out to see us go. I knew we had a good weekend there and that God really used us to get them thinking ourside the box on what it means to worship God in everything.

Our flight home was a bit crazy due to weather in Chicago (almost 8 hours on a plane that normally takes about 3!!) but we got home and as I look back at the weekend, I'm really thankful that God used us to bless people and help build the church.

End of entry part 1

Weekend fun, new adventures and the night sky

I love summer weather. I love the sun, the warmth and the reminder that new life is always in the air.

I was away this past weekend on a 4th and 5th grade retreat (as a guest speaker/ leader). We had about 11 or so kids going, and it was AWESOME. We went to the Lake Geneva Youth Center, and had a full weekend of activities.

Friday night, just after we arrived I spoke on Ps. 31.7 and shared that it's ok to have feelings. It's ok to feel sad at times, and that in everything we're feeling we need to be able to trust God. I was a bit bold and said that God won't ALWAYS take away our sad feelings, but He is always there to be with us in whatever we're feeling and to comfort us. I felt really good about it. It was interactive and the kids participated really well.

On Saturday we had a great time. After our morning meeting we went to the zipline (about 20 or 30 feet off the ground) and had an amazing time. Let me just say, in my mind every one of those kids are amazingly bold. When I was that age, I was so scared of roller coasters, or anything off the ground with speed. I actually conquered my fear of coasters at age 14. for these kids that's another 4 or 5 years away. So for them to take the risk of climbing a long ladder, standing on a TINY platform in the wind, and then jump off and trust the line to carry them to the end was so cool.

After that we went over to the gym and played a bit of dodge ball while some of the other kids went down to the water and played around in the canoes. We then went to the Giant Scream Swing. The Giant Scream Swing is a large swing(as you may have guessed) that's about 70 feet off the ground. The swing is raised by wench, and it carries 3 people, and once you get to the top, you have to pull this cord that releases the swing.

I went with two of the guys, and the first two times we had minor issues with the release hook, so it actually DIDN'T release! They finally got a new part in, and took us back up a 3rd time and WHOOOOOOOSH!!! away we went. It was AWESOME, and every kid there was so brave to ride that thing. I was really shocked by the lesson in faith that was there. It took a lot of faith to get on the zipline and swing and trust that everything was going to hold up and that the rope we were given was going to carry us through to the end. What a major lesson in faith! In England I had to trust that as thin as the "rope" felt at times, it was enough to get me through. And I will always be grateful for those friends that I had who stuck with me, even when I didn't know how to talk about how I was feeling. They were there to support me in what ways they could, and that is no small thing. Sometimes, we just need people who are willing to sit with us and not say a word (like Job's three friends when they first came and sat with him).

last night Dan was the other guest speaker and he did SO GOOD! We had a time of soaking (which is just getting comfortable and focusing on what God wants to say to you with some God-focused music on in the background). I think most of the kids were challenged and impacted by that as well. I know I for one loved it!

Overall, I was really pleased with the weekend, and God totally showed up and rocked my world with a new passion and fire for getting back into ministry.

To further challenge me, I am going away this Wednesday to New Mexico (just like Old Mexico, only a lot less fun!) for a youth conference. I'll be going with a buddy of mine from church and we'll be staying with a friend of ours who is a youth leader of a church in a small town called Taos. I can't wait to be out with the stars at night.

I used to love going out to see the night sky when I was in England. There was even one night where I saw a meteor shower. Something about the vast expanse of the sky at night fills me with wonder and awe. I find a lot of comfort in the wonder of the creativeness of God in nature. I love the mountains, the sky at night, and wandering through the forest. I love riding horses, going swimming and generally enjoying the outdoors (away from the big city). But I also love the social times of city life. This is where my friends are and my roots. I wonder if I will ever be able to re-plant somewhere else?

There are moments like this weekend, where I feel that life is such a beautiful thing, and it's a sharp contrast to where I was 6 months ago. I don't want to live in my comfort zones, but I also don't want to be pushed to those limits ever again. Is there some way to live between these "life is beautiful" moments and the "I'm done with life!!" moments? I hope so...

Anyway, My parents are coming to see me in a week and a half, so this next month is sure to be a good one. We'll see when I post again :-)

~till next time
Paul

A crisis of faith and a journey toward redemption

So for a while I have been thinking how to share this. I guess a "precursor" to the rest of this entry is that some words, thoughts and descriptions won't REALLY convey the whole situation. For a while I think that's why I did not want to share this here, because the thought was that in the retelling, I'll feel that most (if not all) won't REALLY get the depth of the situation. I could go on ranting about the frustrations I have with the disconnection that can come with sharing deeply personal trials, but for now I'll conclude the intro.

So, in reading the previous posts, you have some sense of my personality and some of the issues that I faced while away in England. But the story has more to it than a simple "it was challenging" answer.

Last year (2007) around mid May, our assistant pastor came forward and confessed to an affair. This hit a lot of us hard. This wasn't expected at all when I started my year, and while there were challenges, 2007 was looking like a promising year overall. What hit me was that I felt a strong connection with him and his family. His wife had migrated to the UK from South Africa and I felt that out of anyone at church they understood how hard the re-planting process could be.

In short, when that happened I lost my main roads of social support. I value my social life, and the people around me to a degree that maybe some might not understand, but being in a country where no one knows me, or how I grew up, or my family history or ANYTHING about me, I began to feel very alone.

As the summer unfolded, I was trying to keep up in ministry while feeling it was hard to really recharge or talk about the building emotional pain. By July, I had spiritually run myself into the ground. I was serving because I thought "that's what a pastor does, you just keep going because it's what people expect". I was doing things FOR God, and totally missing the relationship that God was wanting to have with me.

I eventually got a bad cold during the last big event of summer, and felt terrible that I was present but unable to really serve in the capacity that I had committed to. All this going, going, going and not taking time to REALLY sort out my heart really began to weigh on me. Burnout hit probably in August sometime, but I ignored the signs (the growing anger and frustration, the fatigue in my spirit and emotions). Eventually in all my "serving" my faith and resolve to survive was slowly dissolving.

I hit "bottom" sometime in October. I was serving at our weekly Alpha course, and as each week went by, I was growing more and more restless in my soul. I was really angry because people were sharing how good God had been to them, and how much He loves people, and yet my experience was telling me something else. Finally one night I came home after Alpha to an empty house, and I had it out with God...

I thought "God, you know all things, and nothing is hidden from you. So you had to have known when you called me here that this year would play out like this." I was angry. Livid in fact, at the thought that God had filled me with such hope, enthusiasm and expectation at my arrival in 2006, and here it was a little more than a year later and hope and faith were all but gone. What kind of God allows that to happen??? God is love??? Give me a break. He's misleading, he's withholding information and distant when I need him the most. Those were my thoughts, and in that lonely moment there were two sad options before me. Either stay in England, find some other job that I won't be passionate about and hope to somehow stick out the toughness of the situation and keep fighting, or return to Oak Park. The idea of return seemed a bit more appealing, but it also felt like I was abandoning the fight, and even though I felt so ragged and worn and forgotten in the midst of all the pain that people were feeling around me, I wanted to stay and fulfill my commitment.

As I was lying there in bed that night, I was lost, lonely, and depressed. I felt defeated even. I told God "If I don't belong in Bognor or Oak Park, then take me from this damn rock of a planet now!" I awoke the next morning, and found that God didn't strike me down. The next few weeks I contemplated how I might make my own exit from life.

Somehow, I made it through and returned to Oak Park sad and empty. I still had lonely days after my return and even now I am still unsure of the future (but the Zoloft is helping, I think). But the one thing I do know is that my heart is still in ministry. I still want to see the King and Kingdom come and move on earth as it is in heaven. Does God love me? Absolutely. Is God good in all He does? YES (the Bible says so, and if I'm in this, I can't just abandon the promises of God). Does that automatically mean that He will keep me from experiencing the consequences of others actions? ...not really.

God has an interesting way of restoring. In the midst of the wrestling and working out my faith after almost losing it, God has shown me signs that He's still beckoning me on to that relationship.

This past Sunday at church I was up front for prayer. I noticed a woman who looked in pain who was asking our Senior pastor for prayer. I watched them for a bit, and I could tell she must have had some accident with her right ribs (cause she was holding them during prayer). I thought to go over and join in the prayer, but then I thought "naw, the pastor has this one. If he comes and asks me to go pray, then I'll take it as a sign from God and go." Well, it was only a matter of time :-) Sure enough, I was asked to go pray, and probably the most amazing miracle happened.

You have to understand, this woman took a fall in the shower this past week and landed her ribs on the edge of the tub. The look of pain on her face before prayer told me that she had at the very least, bruised the ribs (if not fracturing them). She couldn't even laugh without wincing in pain. After prayer, she said she felt that something had moved in her ribs, and she was laughing, smiling and moving with normal function! Tell me God doesn't care! :-)

So, this all presents an interesting issue for me. I'll tell you now, most (if not all) my current issues with God are probably selfish. I don't want to see another church crisis or be alone like last year ever again. But I also have to reconcile these issues with who God is showing Himself to be in my life and in the lives of those around me. I tell you, this isn't easy, but I also understand that all these experiences have to be for some good if I am to get "back in the saddle" of ministry.

I also have to reconcile my feelings with the reality of ministry. I won't always "feel" up to the challenges. The experience of burnout and the related issues may not be the last time I experience that (and that doesn't sit well with me). But is that not a reality I have to live with? I can't (nor would I like to) go and just bury my head in the sand and just pretend that everything is all peachy for the rest of my life. But sooner or later, I have to reconcile these issues, ya know?

At least though, for the moment, Hope is returning, and faith is being restored. Everything isn't all going to be worked out in a day or overnight, and I'm not done with sorting these things out, but I guess I felt the need to be honest and just lay it all out there. At least for now, I am starting to see that I don't need to walk this alone, and the lessons of England will continue to unfold as life goes on :-)

Till next time,

~Paul

11 days shy...

So I'm turning 28 in a little over a week. It's interesting, really. Do I FEEL 28? no...not yet. Heh heh, it's a little too close to 30 for me. Not that 30 is really BAD..it's just...older. 30 sounds like a person has wisdom and something solid to life. I don't know, I guess this entry is going to be a bit of a ramble.

I mean, after 25 why keep track? 16 you can learn to drive, 18 you can vote, 21 you can drink alcohol (lol, legally!) and 25 your insurance goes down. But between 25 and retirement, it just seems...anti-climatic.

I guess 28 isn't so bad. Maybe this year I'll actually go skydiving :-) I always take stock of my life around my birthday and I ask myself if I'm at least OK with where I'm at. The last few years it's been a yes. This year is...a bit of uncertainty. I was out earlier to walk my cousins dog (I'm back temporarily in the neighborhood where I grew up) and I was walking along the old route my family used to walk our dogs on. My how things have changed in the years since. Sure, there are the obvious changes, like houses looking slightly different, and the area that's under construction around the hospital. But as I was walking along and looking at all these things, part of me felt a twinge of sadness. The inward changes are pretty staggering too. I wonder if the changes in me are as noticeable as the physical changes to the neighborhood?

It's interesting to look at the changes of even the last year. A year ago I spent my birthday on the English seafront with friends listening to the seagulls and waves, having good conversation (and I thought that was where I was going to be this year). Funny how things change. Last year I wanted to be with American friends for my birthday...this year I miss England.

I was talking with someone recently about some of the reasons why this transition has hurt so much. He said that it's a blow to my identity, in that some people DO something for work. They clock in and they clock out and they can remove themselves from the work. The hard part about being "pastoral" or in "ministry" is that part of your identity is wrapped up in what you do. And if that work comes under stress or other hard experience, then it hits deeper. I thought "so true".

I guess birthdays are a time for reflection, but they are also a time to look ahead. I never thought I would have had the kind of experiences I've had by this time in my life. I've seen the beauty of the Canadian Rockies, I've been to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, I've grown up in Chicago, I've lived in England, I've seen the nightlights of Tokyo, and the extreme conditions of poverty in Haiti. I literally have friends around the world, and I know what it is to feel like the most forgotten person on the face of this rock of a planet. And for all that experience and the highs and lows of my life, if I died tomorrow I would probably be one of the most grateful souls to enter heaven. I look forward to many more adventures on the road ahead, and I'm thankful for all of you who have shared the journey with me (in spite of my current state of sarcasm and teasing).

Till next time,
~Paul

All this feels strange and untrue

Sorry, just listening to Snow Patrol. There's a line in one of their songs that this entry title comes from.

It's crazy to think that I've been stateside for over a month now. WIthin the job hunting, socializing, and general re-adjusting, is a mixed bag of feelings. As I refelct on my time in England, I have come to realize how much I was challenged in so many ways (spiritual, mental, emotional, physical) and all within a culturally different context.

It's very weird because in my first months of transition to England, I felt like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. Now that I'm stateside again, I feel the same thing is true as I try and pick up with life again.

It's funny because I find that I miss the people I met in England very much like I missed my stateside friends over the 15 months I was away. I guess it's not too surprising when I think about it, that's probably the way connections come and go. Only this time I didn't really think I would be back in the states to live so soon.

I had hopes of staying in England for a while (a lot longer than 15 months). When I left in 2006 it seemed like a very good place to leave life here. I was done with the internship, I was done with VBI training, and it seemed the world was waiting for me. I had hopes that working abroad would be rewarding with growth challenges along the way. I thought I was prepared for the challenges, and when I returned in December for my Visa in '06, even then part of me wanted to stay here because Oak Park seemed so comfortable and safe. But more of me was curious to find what was going to happen in England. It seemed like a great chapter was about to unfold, and the only way to read it was to go and expereince it.

I know there will be a day when I look back at the England experience and thank God so much for it. But where I stand right now, I look at it as a very tough year, and if I had to do it over again, I would probably choose not to go. Does that mean I don't apprciate the time I had there with friends and the church? No. The people are what made it so speacial, and I hope to stay connected with them somehow for the rest of my life.

I guess what made it so hard for me is that I am a relational person. I like having friends, and within my group of friends I usually have two or three people that I can really count on, and who I can really open up to about what's really going on. And the reason I can do that is because I feel they understand me and what makes me tick, so to speak (and vice versa).

The major challenge of my year was that it seemed that the people I grew close to in that deeper way didn't stick around for very long. As the year went on, I found it harder and harder to REALLY confide in people, the way I was used to in the states. I began to feel very alone by the time Summer came to an end, and feeling alone and trying to lead people is something I can't do very well. I don't have any complaints against people in England, it's just the way things happened and in the end it seemed to make sense that I should return home. Maybe I didn't want to really confide in anyone because as I said, it seemed people I grew close to didn't stick around.

But now I'm stateside again (it's not really "home" becuase I don't know where home really is at the moment) and rebuilding life is hard going some days. I guess I presume that others don't really understand what my time in England was like, because I'm not sure I fully understand what it all was for. Somehow God has a plan with it, and I really want to see that unfold.

In the meantime, I'm taking time off my "pastoral" role, and I'm looking for work that isn't really in any leadership position. I may have a part time admin post with my church, and on top of that I'm looking for other work too. Long term I hope to get back out into the pastoral scene later this year. But for now, I'm focusing on readjusting and reconnecting with people here.

"ALL things work together for the good of those who love God"

Till next time,
~Paul

Bgonor to Arizona

Time is a funny thing.

When you're "bored" or doing something you're not interested in, time seems to move so slow. But the flip side is, when you're doing something you really enjoy, time can feel like a cruel beat that marches on and waits for no one.

Such is life, I guess.

As I sit here amidst the lovely surrounding hills and distant painted mountains, I can hardly believe that I spent 15 months in England. My last week there was very surreal. I knew that the clock was ticking, and days soon passed into hours, and the hours to minutes.

That last sunday was especially heavy for me. After the service, I was called up front for a "sending off" prayer. As people started to pray, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders, and I was really struck by the sense of "this is it, it's done. No more straining, or struggle to make it through the year in England". Some of the year has been captured here in the blog, but for the most part, I know that there are no words to convey the joy, pain, struggle and excitement that I experienced in my year abroad.

That last Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday all had seperate leaving parties for me. My last tuesday was spent mostly in Cambridge with really good friends, and the rest of the week seemed to fly as i made the rounds to say farewell to so many people. At the farewell party on Wed. I was really surprised by the turnout of so many people who I now not only know by name, but people who I have spent time talking with, laughing with, crying with, and praying with over the last year.

My last night in Bognor was a really good lasting memory. Some of the University students planned to attend the annual winter Snow Ball, and I was invited to go along. With the live music, and general hang-out atmosphere, I soaked up every last minute of life in England with some of the people who made the year laughable and even more than that- actually liveable when I was at my lowest.

It's very weird now to be out of England and back home in the states. I see more of the cultural differences now than I did last year, and I am thrilled to be looking ahead to the next step. But there is also a part of me that misses Bognor. I count myself very privileged to have the expereince of living in another culture, and expanding my worldview. Of course in that experience, it was the people that made it so special.

Now it's another interesting chapter. Where does the road lead next? Who will I meet? What IS God doing with me, anyway? All very current questions for a lot of people, I think. Only time will tell...

Till next time,
~Paul

Two weeks and counting...

WOW. So it's been just a little while since I've posted here, and if I'm honest, I haven't REALLY been that enthusiastic to post another update. I wonder why that is...

But where do I start? Last entry was a high note after Slum Survivor. Since then, I don't really know how to fully explain the experience of phasing myself out of my role here and finding flights home, and actually realizing that, NO REALLY I am leaving my life here for good. Some days it's rather exciting, and I am filled with wonder at what awaits me when I return home. What does God have in store next? And I can't wait to see people I haven't seen in a year, and hear all that I've missed and how people have grown since we last really talked.

But then some days its not so exciting. For all the stress and tough moments of this year, I have invested in this church, these people, and this community, and vice versa. There is a debt of love that I have to these people that I know I will never repay. I had hopes of laying longer term roots here. How can I really put into words what it's like when I'm trying to move on? Underneath the funny accents and the odd customs ("Baked beans on toast? Eww..." You mean I have to have a license to watch TV!? in my country you only need a license to do something dangereous like drive a car, fly a plane or own a gun!") I have made friends with really fantastic people. It's difficult to think about moving on to something else.

Rudyard Kipling has a line in my favorite poem that has played in my head a lot these last few weeks:

"If you can watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools"
"If" -Rudyard Kipling

Sometimes in life, for whatever reason (growth, change, maturity, etc.) we have to stand back and leave something that feels incomplete. It's all part of life's experiences that shape who we are, and more imprtantly, who God intends for us to be.

If I had known what this year would have entailed, I would have opted out. Call me crazy, but I don't like having my faith, my heart and every aspect of my life tested to it's limits. I'd rather do something that I can handle, or have a bit more control in. Human nature I guess. But does that mean I think this year wasn't worth it, or that everything I've been through was for nothing? I wish you could hear the deep resounding NO that echos in my heart. I may not know it now, and I may not know it in this life, but this year produced something in me that probably would not have happened in any other circumstance. I guess God had his way of bringing me into it, and He had all the plans to make sure I survived.

I look forward to coming home to family, friends and church. Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouragements, and I hope that you have been as blessed on this journey of faith as I have.

~Till next time,
Paul

My Slum Survivor experience

Many thanks and loads of gratitude for your prayers over this past month!

This past weekend we held our first Slum Survivor event. We partnered with some of the youth form a local church (Yapton free church) and on Friday afternoon we met up to start work on building our slums. The weather wasn't perfect, but it could have been a lot worse!

Soul Action (a partner project by Tearfund and Soul Survivor) have done a remarkable job in spreading the word about the poor living in slums. According to UN figures, 1 billion people currently live in slums around the world. They also project that if nothing is done to relieve the situation, that number could double by 2030. Throughout the Bible God speaks of His heart for the poor and that we as Christians are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus in reaching out to them. When Paul first set out on his journey form Jerusalem, he says that the disciples were pleased to send him and that all they asked him to do was to remember the poor. His response "The very thing I was eager to do" has been very inspiring to me as I have worked on this project with the young people.

The weekend felt very long, and there was a lot of ground to cover in the various ways we were challenged to remember the poor. The only food we could eat during meal times was rice and chickpeas. Very often people living in slums do not have enough money to maintain a healthy diet. Compared to how much money is spent in western society on McDonald's and other easy food options, it was a very sobering experience for me.

Another thing slum dwellers have to live with is the uncertainty that at any time their home may be demolished. Most slum communities are not legally allowed by local governments, so if they decide to build a mall for example, they will go in with bulldozers unannounced and start crushing the slums. Slum residents have only minutes to gather their few belongings and run. To simulate this, we had the pastor from yapton and the pastor from Vineyard come by and decide which slums at random to demolish. We all had 3 minutes to clear our belongings out before they started. As we waited in a concealed area away from the slums, I was a bit more nervous than I thought I would be. When we came back we found that one of the girls and one of the guys slums had been completely taken down, and the guys slum that was torn down was mine! We rebuilt it a little better and got on with the rest of the weekend.

Our youth really took the weekend to heart, and they even said that next year they wouldn't mind it to be a bit more challenging! Most of them said it really felt like camping, and they felt that more could be done to simulate the real slum experience. Oh, and as far as money raised, as of Sunday it looked like we hit at least the £ 800 mark, or about $1600. Money is still being sorted, so it may be that we end closer to the $2000 mark. For a weekend, that's not bad at all!

Sunday morning I shared at church for a few minutes on how the weekend went. In spite of being tired and not being very clean, I felt very inspired to share how much I admired the young people for taking on the challenge, and what the Bible has to say about the poor. A lot of people gave very good feedback, and overall I am very pleased with the seeds that were planted this weekend.

As we move on from this experience, we could use your prayers. Please pray that God continues to water the seeds that were planted this weekend and that the fruit that we're already starting to see would be protected.

Thank you again for your prayers! Without you prayers I am very convinced that this weekend would not have been the same.

God bless,
Paul

Taking steps...

I love books. I wish I had more time to read these days, cause sometimes there's nothing like sitting down to read a really good book.

There's a lot that makes a book stand out from the rest. The characters are relatable, and easy to understand, no matter how complex the story becomes. A great book will make you laugh, cry and experience a whole range of human emotion before the last chapter. A great book gives twists and turns that you didn't see coming. Characters you love suddenly die, other characters find redemption, and sometimes the bad guys get away, just like in real life. What makes a great book great is that it causes us to pause and really think about our own short exsistence on this planet. Great books contain love, heartache, defeat and triumph, and when you finally put the book down you know that on some level, you've been changed.

That was my experience the first time I read the Lord Of The Rings trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien when I was 17. I had the unfortunate accident of dislocating my knee, and my doctor signed me off work for two weeks to let the swelling go down. To pass the time my dad and I would spend evenings after dinner to read the trilogy out loud to each other, each taking a chapter in turn. Never before had I been drawn in by such a great story, and few books since have reached that standard in my opinion. The story is dynamic, and I love the way events flowed from one chapter to the next.

And funny enough, life is like a great book. Each year is filled with hopes and dreams and some years we find that our hopes and dreams are met beyond what we thought, and some years we find that it's just like reading a difficult chapter in a great book.

I'm looking at my life now, and in an odd way I'm happy with where I am. I'm in a difficult chapter, but as with a great book, things have a way of getting better. And from a Christian standpoint, I know how the book ends.

After weeks of praying over my situation and my future, I've come to see that if I stay in England, it would be to please others. I would probably find some work (if I got the visa to do so) where I wouldn't be very passionate, and I would probably define my success by how others thought of me. It wouldn't be the first time that's happened since my arrival. It's kind of hard to keep going as well when you feel that hope has proven as good as wishful thinking. I need to get my sense of hope and direction back, and the only safe place I know of is with people back in Oak Park.

I love the people here. It has been a real hard year of growth for everyone, and yet my heart is calling me home. After the ups and downs of this year I feel I need a safe famillair place to recharge and "de-brief" as one of my friends here put it (I wanted to get rid of baggage this year, not pick up more of it! :-)

Change is happening left and right these days. We have two new DNA students, both very different from the one's we had last year, so they should be able to branch out in new areas as well as help lead some more "solid" aspects of church life. The youth are soon to be taking on a new leader, as over these past few weeks one of the other leaders in the church as stepped in to build a core youth leadership team.

I will continue to play out my role until December when I return home. In that time we've got one last major event called Slum Survivor (Soulaction.org to find out more) which is a weekend designed to build faith and raise awareness of the 1 billion people living in slums around the world. We're doing that at the end of this month, and we are very excited at the potential.

Leaving here is not easy, and I know some here won't like it. But it's the end of a chapter for me, and I think signs are pointing to moving on. So many wonderful memories I'll take with me, and I hope I can return again to Bognor and have the experiences here that I wish I could have had this year.

Thanks for reading, and all your support :-)

Till next time,
~Paul

The challenge of taking risks

John Wimber once said faith is spelled R-I-S-K. The Bible tells us faith a substance that is unseen (Heb. 11) and that for believers it is impossible to walk the jouorney without it. Faith sometimes means taking a step and then knowing that you're on solid ground. The journey of faith looks different for each one of us, but I think some of the lessons learned are the same all around.

When God speaks, it's a good thing to listen and follow as best as you can. The amount of grace that God must have for us is really staggering sometimes to think about. In basic terms in a relationship with Jesus it's you (in your weak human state) and it's Jesus (totally perfect). The lessons I've learned this year have come mostly through finding out how NOT to do things. On the one hand there is God who has called me here and has a plan and a purpose for me, but the other hand there's me and try as hard as I might I have my failures and I feel at times like I'm stumbling through this journey. In the midst of feeling like a failure, I find there's so much grace to carry me through (though I admit I don't always see that grace right away and thus make the choice to deal with my percieved failures in a spiritually unhealthy way).

Let me explain what I mean:
At about the half way point through my internship at Vineyard Oak Park, I took a short survey that helped me map out (or understand) my work personality, or how I approach my job. The thing I remember the most was that I'm a minimal risk taker. I gather as much info as I can before I make a calculated decision how to proceed to A. find the best outcome and B. keep everyone happy. I won't take on a task that I think I won't be able to finish. Some people flourish with ideas for projects and that's where they thrive. Others thrive on the execution of plans or ideas and they love to take on a challenge. I thrive on a job well done. When I finish a task I like to stand back and know that it's been finished to everyone's liking.

When I first arrived here in England I had the confidence (over confidence, maybe?) to take on the task of leading the youth. I thought that with my two years intense training and four total years of serving the youth in Oak Park, God was calling me on to the lofty heights of REAL ministry ;-)

In the this year there have been more challenges than I expected. There are probably a number of reasons why things didn't go the way we hoped. But in some ways, that's life. You try some things and some things work, others don't. I think because of my work personality, I am taking this a bit more personal than I should be.

So what's next? I feel I've poured my best into this year and right now I'm pretty worn out. This past sunday I didn't want to be at church. I somehow got through it (even getting through the youth class was rough). I still feel that I have a calling in ministry, and I really want to pursue that. But how do I keep pursuing something when I feel I can't even function well in my current role?

Thats the downswing of the circle I feel I'm running in. Some days I'm rather excited at the idea of moving on to other things and I see that God may be calling me out of here sooner than I expected. But all in all I still don't know where I'll be after January.

So that's my life as of now. What a year it's been. Please do keep praying for me and that I would keep going with whatever God has in store.

Till next time :-)
Paul

Future options

Well, after the craziness of New Wine, Soul Survivor and YOB camp, life is finally settling down.
Each event had it's own challenges and frustrations. But overall I think they went very well, and we are very excited to see the fruit that develops from each one.

One highlight for me at Soul Survivor was during the last night. We were praying for one of the young people who had pain in her jaw and in her ears. It was affecting her so much she had to move to a quiter venue to listen to the main meetings. I got a few people around her to pray for her and as we were doing so God began to speak.

The back story here is that this young person has had a tough summer. Her parents are currenly seperated due to her father having an affair, and overall it's been hard for her to take. As we were praying I felt God saying that He isn't angry with her, and that she is loved very much by God. As we prayed this over her, it was clear that God was meeting the needs of her heart. It's one of those moments when everything that I've been through this year seems worth it. All the callenges financially, socially, and emotionally can seem so easy to bear when God show's up in the life of a young person like that. This young person doesn't usually show emotion around people, so I knew the tears were real and that God was doing something amazing. I don't think it solved everything for her, but I do believe God started some process of healing, and I am excited to see how that continues. Oh, the pain in her jaw and ears was healed too.

Since being back from the end of summer events, I've spent the last week recovering from a head cold. I really managed to run myself into the ground with all the running around I've done with the programs, so that's been kind of a bummer downside. But God has had something to say about that too. A lot of what He's been showing me is that I've been doing things for Him instead of with Him. On the surface they can seem very much the same. But the difference I think lies in the heart. And the heart issue has really begun to show in me.

These past few months (or most of this year for that matter) I've said yes to a lot of things without really taking the time to think them through, or much less pray about them. The result is doing things that look good, or make other people happy, and end up just burning me out. As I sit here today at the one year mark I feel most of my personal expectations for this year have been let down.

While good things have come from this year (like building better relationships with the young people and making friends here) there have been a lot of taxing cirumstances as well, and it's hard to say that it balances out. After meeting with Jan yesterday, we now have a bit more of a plan for the next three months. Overall the year has been good, but not as great has it could have been, and for where the church is wanting to go, we're not sure if I'm the right one for leading the youth. So as of right now, I will be stepping away from the youth pastor role in December. It doesn't mean I can't stay in England, it doesn mean though that my role will drastically change and if I stay I'll have to find alternative means of doing so.

Pleas pray for me. At the moment I'm very tired emotionally and feel very split over my two options (either I find some other way of staying, or I go back home to Oak Park and weigh my options for work back in the states). I'm feeling a bit stessed at the moment and I really want God to show me what He wants me to do. Part of me wants to stay and see what God does here, and part of me longs for Oak Park and just being with the people who knew me best.

Sorry if this all seems a bit depressing. It's been a hard experience and I'm a bit frustraited over the current situation. But God is in control and whatever He wants to do I'm sure will be for a good purpose.

Till next time,
Paul

I think I'm spending more time in a tent than in my house this month...is that nromal?

Wow...what a month!!

After new wine, I'm now gearing up for Soul Survivor. With all there is to do over the next two weeks, I wonder if I'll even make it alive to september!
Anyway, here it goes:

This Saturday the 18th four churches from Bognor will leave for Soul Survivor, a yearly christian festival with a number of events going on with the aim of encouraging young people aged 12 to 19. I believe this is such a needed event in the lives of so many young people. Recently in the news results were given from a study of young people in this age range, and when compared to similar studies done in the rest of Europe, a few key things stood out to me:

Young people in England have been found to be the most violent. In all of Europe, British teens have the the record for committing violent crimes, and one look at the BBC news really brings the reality home. A huge factor of this is due to such widespread underage drinking. One of the papers here today reported that kids as young as ten are getting drunk, and the knock on effect is that as they grow up without the discipline needed, they form a lifestyle of "anything goes".

British teens have the highest teen pregnancy rate. Underage relations is happening in just about every culture, but in comparison to other countries here in Europe, the scene is worst overall here in Britain.

These are just a few of the problems facing young people here, and I believe the only real hope they have is in the gospel. Please pray that our time at Soul Survivor would bear good long term fruit in the lives of everyone going (the leaders as well as the young people).

After Soul Survivor I will have a few days to reorganize myself for the next event: YOB camp. This is an event that we at Vineyard are doing for kids aged 7-11. Again, there is a real opportunity to teach and to share who God is and we need your prayers. Please pray for me specifically that God would use my short talk on the sower (Matt. 13).

After YOB camp and sometime in September I will be reviewing my contract with the church here. I don't know how this is going to go, but as of right now I think it may fall to me to decide whether to stay or move on. Please pray that God would show me/us what He wants to do.

Please pray for the weather to be kind and not rain over these two weeks! I don't mind camping, but camping in the rain just isn't my cup of tea. Please pray for my attitude as well. I know that when I get stresssed I can be a sour apple to be around! It'll take an act of God for me to be pleasant with all that's happening right now :-)

God bless! I miss you all and am looking forward to Christmas and coming home to visit again!

Till next time,
Paul

Post New Wine and pre Soul Survivor

It's amazing what a week away can do...

On July 27th I arrived at New Wine (a large Christian conference. John Wimber had a pretty big hand in some of the direction of new wine years ago). This year I thought it might be a good idea to apply for serving on a team (team members go for free and have most of their meals taken care of during the week). Back in march, it sounded like a good deal to me.

I had no idea that I would be in a dry place in life. At the start of the week I was pretty drained and didn't feel like serving. A situation all too familiar if you have spent anytime in just about any capacity of service. Just another time of forgetting why I serve and what my motives should be.

As the week progressed though, the leaders were very encouraging in the time we spent on our own to be refreshed and recharged. Most of what was said in the main sessions for the young people and in the team meetings in the mornings really resounded with me. By Thursday night I felt like I had come back to some familliar place in my personal walk with God, and felt more equipped to serve and pray for the young people.

One of the consistant themes they hit on was the fact that being at New Wine (or any big God centered conference) is time spent in a bit of a bubble. While being away gave me some new tools and perspectives on my life, I find that coming back to reality is quite difficult. I'm still waiting on God for direction and giving the best I can in the way I serve. I really hate em, but low points are great teachers too. They show me that I need God more than I ever thought I did, and I find to at times I'm really surprised by how much God does through me when I'm feeling low and have nothing to give. I'm also aware that for as bad as things seem with me, I don't have the worst of circumstances to contend with.

It's been hard at times to find people to really confide in. While I do have friends here and people who I can share a laugh with, it's hard to find someone I really connect with. If you know me you know how much I value that connection. It's in my personality...I may be a bit introverted, but the ones who I do open up to are very dear to me and I value that bond very highly. Heh heh, I love being an INFP...

I had a fairly relaxing week though since coming back from New Wine. As hard as it was being on team, I've taken most of this week off to recover. I can't believe it's friday already, but I guess time stops for no one. The plus side is that the rain is holding off and we may have a bit of a dry spell here in the wake of all that flooding. I'm glad I live near the coast. Did I mention that Bognor has recorded the most hours of sunlight in the last 100 years or so? Yeah, pretty sweet...

I hope this finds you all well. It's the best way I know how to communicate, so my apologies if it seems impersonal and distant.

Till next time,
Paul

Friends from Brazil and 24 hours of prayer...

I heard a joke recently. It goes like this:

Donald Rumsfeld enters the Oval office to brief the President. He says "Mr. President, I have some bad news. Today in Iraq, three Brazilan soldiers were killed." President Bush turns white as a sheet. He begins to sob, and sob. In the midst of his tears, the President is trying to find the words to describe how terrible he feels. After a few moments, he finally composes himself. After a brief moment, a puzzled look crosses his face, and he leans over to Rumsfeld and says "Exactly how many is a Brazillion?"

This past week was a tough one for me. I have been here 10 months, and somwhow I imagined that by this time I would be at ease with the pressures of leadership and the weight of responsibility. I thought that my heart for home would have lessoned, and that bonds of trust with new friends would be grounded. But some things in life don't really go as you plan, do they?

So last Wed. I was feeling fairly down. I went to go visit one of my newer friends named Guga (pronounced Googa), over at the Baptist church. Guga is from Brazil and has been in the UK for 6 years now. As we talked about the challenges of being in ministry, I gained some new perspectives.

Guga shared that for his first year here he didn't know the language, and had very few friends. He said that for the first year here, all he could do was watch and listen and learn. He had to learn the culture, the language and the way things are done. I could hear in his voice that life was a struggle in that first year.

After spending days praying and pondering my situation, I came to a point of realizing that God may have other things in mind for me, and my plans may need to take a back seat. What that all means, I don't know. I do know that with an uncertain short term future (the next 3 to 6 months) I'm once again waiting on God to give direction.

The nice thing though, is that I have some down time between now and the Big Three of summer. Our youth night on Wed. is on break for a bit, we just had our last Youth Alpha this past Sunday, so that really opens up a few nights for me. It's a welcome change of pace to say the least.

This past weekend we had a 24 hour prayer weekend. Kate (one of the DNA students) really had a heart for 24 hour prayer when she came back from a trip to Germany about 7 weeks ago. It was amazing to see her take the lead and pull together a rota to cover each hour in prayer from Friday night to Sunday morning. I can't wait to see what God does in response to the prayers this past weekend.

Please do continue to pray for me and the church here. It's been a hard few months for us as a body, and the strain is hard on everyone at the moment. I believe that God is faithful, and his Love and grace will always endure even in the toughest of circumstances. I believe that together with your continued prayers will we make it through this season of challenge and change.

I hope this entry finds you all well and enjoying life wherever you are.

Paul

Life is grand

It really is. After this past weekend of mud, paint ball and go-karts, I was feeling pretty shattered (english word for worn out, or super freakin tired like you never knew tired before). paintball and go-karts were my fav. Y'know, living in England is an amazing experience. New people, new location, new challenges. it's great when I'm actually enjoying this. Being out with the young people for lunch, playing games of pool or crazy golf (mini golf for you fellow yanks) and even going to the odd movie with friends is great. Recently I've been challenged to step even further out of my comfot zones, and start helping out with Fuel, our tuesday afternoon kids club for ages 6-9 (roughly). In the last month I've been involved with age groups from as young as 6 to 21 year old uni students. that's just one of the small steps I never really thought I'd be taking. But what if it wasn't all peachy? What if under the surface, something wasn't right. What if I told you that if I had known a year ago what it all would entail to be here, I would have said "no"? What about those days when it's stressful, I didn't get enough sleep, I miss my friends and my family back home, I'm barely making ends meet, I have not really left Bognor Regis (for extended holiday/vacation) in over six months, and underneath it all this really frustrating feeling that it's not good etiquette to tell people back home how draining it is to be in ministry! Sometimes it's hard here because I can't find people to really relate to my situation. I can't find the words to describe my challenges, fears, and the weight of responsibillity. Some days I feel I'm starting to crack... This past weekend at the motorsports day, one of the guys there was talking about how God gives life to the full. That we don't need to worry, we can give our cares and stress to God, because He cares and wants to deal with them. That's easier said than done. What about those times when life is more challenging than you feel prepared for, and you know that as passionately as you've been praying, things won't turn around over night? What then? There has to be something more. Nobody said being a Christian was easy, and I'm sure that as of right now, some of you reading this might want to jump in and say something positive, encouraging, or uplifiting. My intention isn't to aks for sympathy. Our lives can seem so much easier to someone else, and if they would just see it from our perspective, they wouldn't feel so bad....yet the challenges we face are unique to each of us.So then, what is my intention? I just want to get this off my chest. I can't do this alone. See if you can relate with any of the following I've been feeling recently: I'm too young for this, I'm not experienced enough, No matter how hard I try to stay on top of what needs to be done, there is always something more, I'm too stupid, I'm too weak, it's really hard trusting in God, No one understands me, I wanna quit and go home, If God gives life to the full, why do I feel like my life is anything but fulfilling? I miss home, and yet I know that when I see everyone again life won't be the same...The list could go on and on. Maybe this isn't new. Maybe I've always been a bit like this. I know I have a history of wearing my heart on my sleeve, so some of you might not be surprised to be reading this. So then, why stay? why endure it?Because of hope. Over the past two years or so, I've had words or impressions either in personal prayer times or where others have been praying for me that I would go through a challenging experience. More of a challenge than I expected, but that in the end God would make it more rewarding than I expected. So it's the hope that in spite of the hardship, there has to be something that God is doing in the midst of it all. Maybe even a bit ironic that while I have some areas of life that I have a hard time trusting God with, I'm still not giving up hope that He hasn't forgotten me. I knew a very good friend who once said "You have to be tenacious in pursuing God. You can't let anything of yourself get in the way of meeting with Him, and you need to do whatever it takes to keep pursuing Him". Thanks Ian :-) So there it is. My crapful rant. Such a mix of enjoyable moments (which I'm sure I'll remember for a lifetime) and stress almost enough to make me pull my hair out (speaking of, I found my first gray eyebrow the other day...I have never plucked an eyebrow before, but I thought it might be a good time to start....it really hurt!) I hope this finds you well! Paul

Paintballs, mud, and Jet skies!

Yeah, those are fun.
Tomorrow some of the men from my church are going on a day away to a place called Life Discovery. It's a Chrisitan based event where guys get to have fun doing a load of stuff (4X4's go carts, jetsskies and paintball to name a few of the day's activities). The main goal of the day is actually for non-believers, to show that we are Church go-ers, but we aren't afraid to take risks and have fun.

I'm excited. In spite of my knee probably making me a darn good target in paintball (ok, more of a target than usual :-) I think the day will be a load of fun and good bonding time as well.
Other than that the big news is all the planning for the big three events of summer: New Wine, Soul Survivor and YOB camp.

New Wine: This is a family oriented week away.A number of people/ familes from church are going to this event. It's loaded with guest speakers and christian artist and fun stuff for the whole family. I signed up to serve on the Youth team, but as of this entry I haven't offically heard if I'm on or not :-) We'll see how that unfolds...

Soul Survivor: I might have mentioned this before, but Soul Survivor is the big youth event of the summer. 5 churches here are going, and a good chunk of my time these last few weeks has been preparing for this one. We had a great meeting last thursday of the youth leaders in Bognor, and we came away very excited about meeting more regularly to encourage and support each other in our shared call as youth leaders in this community. We have about 8 -10 young people going from Vineyard, and they are all very excited over what God has done in years past. I'm very excited to see the relationships and faith rise from this experience.

YOB camp: This is Youth Of Bognor Camp. Young people ages 8-12 will be away for this week to learn about God in a fun and active environment. We had a leaders meeting a few weeks ago and it was a great time to talk and share about the expectations and plans for this event. I hope that by this one I won't be too worn out, as we are leaving for YOB camp two days after I get back from Soul Survivor!

The weather here has been rain, rain, rain and more rain. Today is the sunniest it's been in over a week and a half. Our church camping last weekend was canceled due to rain :-( and there has been a lot of flooding up in the north regions of the country (suddenly people realize it's not a smart idea to build houses in flood plains). I've been wearing jeans and long sleeves these past few days, and it's JULY! It's supposed to be warm! Oh well....that's england for you! I'm sure you all back in Chicago are enjoying the summer heat...

The universtiy students have all gone home for the summer, so socially things are kind of slowing down. It does give me a great chance though to spend more time with the youth, and this has been really wonderful. Yesterday was the second week of meeting for lunch and a chat, and we look forward to more times to talk, pray and socialize.

Not everything has been peachy though. We've had our times of trials (leaders stepping out of leadership) and dealing with the fallout has been very difficult for a lot of us. Stress and rough nights of sleep have been common for a few of us as we are growing in new areas of following God. This church may be a world away from most of you reading this, but as part of Christ's body we need all the prayer we can get. The road has not been easy by any means and behind the smiling pictures and happy faces has been intense trials and at times a severe longing for home. But God has been so good, and the stories of His faithfulness are sure to be what I remember for years to come.

Till next time,

~Paul

Summer Bar-b-ques and other events...

So summer is offically here! It's nice when it's not raining (which seems to be less as of recently) but the weather can move in pretty quickly.

While I'm not running just yet, the knee is making good progress, and I am walking now with no limp. Yes, it's the little things I appreciate these days :-) Over the next few weeks we're coming to the end of the Alpha course and moving on to bigger things for summer. We had the Holy Spirit day last Sunday, and I must say it went rather well! Kate (one of two DNA students and a youth volunteer) did wonderful work at creating discussions on "who is the Holy Spirit?" and "what does the Holy Spirit do?" The comments from the young people in both groups were fantastic, and in some small way we are starting to see some payoff from this course. We have two weeks to go before we finish this round, and I am already thinking of how to run the next one sometime later this year.

Next week on Thursday we have a youth leaders night. There are a few churches here who are sending youth to Soul Survivor this year (the big summer Christian youth conference) and it has been on my heart to gather as leaders to talk and pray about youth ministry in Bognor Regis and to plan out a day when our young people can meet up before the whirlwind of Soul Survivor hits.

This past Tuesday we had a night out to see The Cross And The Switchblade, the story of David Wilkinson and Nicky Cruz. While the events took place over 40 years ago, the message is still really powerful and relevant.

I am really blown away by how far north we really are. I was standing outside last night at about 10:15 and could still see the last light of day fading in the sky. There is still pretty good light at 9pm! It's funny cause I get weird looks from the locals who are used to longer daylight hours.

Overall, I'm doing ok personally. I knew this first year would be a challenge, but there are times where it is more than I expected, and I wish I could convey more to all of you back home what it's really like (both the very good, and the moments where I want to tear my hair out at the stress and frustration). I do miss all of you, and when I do think of you it is with a smile (sometimes in public while walking down the street by my self and suddenly catch that I've got a big silly smile across my face at some random memory in my mind :-)

I hope this entry finds you well!
Paul

A short update...

So last Wednesday I went to see the specilaist for my knee injury. I wasn't expecting much (I was walking fine without the crutches, and aside from not being able to run, stairs are a minor problem, but generally I'm good).

After a bit of poking and prodding, the Specialist said it looks like I tore the ligament in my knee. So I am now scheduled for an operation to have a tiny camera stuck into my knee so they can see the extent of the damage. While it is nice to be on the NHS (National Health Service) receiving free treatment, the waiting leaves something to be desired. My operation isn't untill November 27th.

By then the knee will most likely be healed, but I'm sure they want to see what the scar tissue is like. The ligaments inside the knee (or any joint for the matter) keep a certain tension. If the tension becomes too loose, then the knee can't function right and there could even be problems later on with scar tissue or arthritis. So I'm sure if I do wait till November, there will still be something to look at in my knee. At this point I am praying for total healing, or at the least an opening to go in for the operation sooner than November. After the operation, they will decide if knee surgury or anything else is needed.

Please be praying for my knee. I'm trying to not let it affect me, but it is a bit hard to take that my summer events here are limited by the physical condition. The whole turn of events is quite a surprise, comsidering I thought I was doing very well.

Other than that, I spent the day at Alton Towers on Saturday (it's a theme park kind of like Six Flags Great America, and while it's not on part with Great America, it was fun to be there). My friend Rex is getting married this Saturday, so a few of us took him out to have some fun at Alton Towers.

Sunday we had a speaker and band come from Hillsongs church. Hillsongs church is a fast growing movement out of Austrailia, and over the last few years they have produced some quality christian music. It was different from our usual sunday morning experience, which was refreshing I think for most people :-)

This week we look forward to the Holy Spirit day for our youth alpha course. Sunday (yesterday) we had a break from the course to listen in the main service with the young people, and I heard one of them comment that she really liked the speaker and actually wanted to listen to him. This rallied her boyfriend to sit in the service as well :-) I'm very excited by those kinds of comments, and I hope this next week more walls can be broken in how the young people view church. Please keep the youth alpha course in your prayers.

Thank you for your prayers! I hope you are enjoying summer and sunshine wherever you are.
Paul

Summertime Fun!!

So after (what feels like) many days of rain, the sun seems to be up for more sunshine! (although it is amazing how fast the weather can change here! I rarely go out without a light jacket or my umbrella!) This past week was the half term break, so the young people were off of school (some of them went away on holiday with their families) and the uni students have all but reached the end of the year. So I had a lot of time on my hands to say the least. Which was kind of nice, really.

Just over two weeks ago I was out with some friends who are attending the university of Chichester, and it was their last real night before heading off for the summer. So we decied to make a day and a night of it, which was packed with silly fun (mini golf, a few games of pool, dinner and a bit of cranium, one of the craziest board games). It was a late night and about midnight we got the crazy idea to go over to the skate park near the seafront. I had the wonderful idea to run around on the half pipe. What seemed like a silly idea didn't end up so well as I twisted my knee and damaged the ligament that runs along side my left knee cap. Ouch.
My friends were real troopers. They prayed for me right there at my request (I thought I had dislocated the knee again, and I was not thrilled at the thought of going through that again). After resting a bit my friends got me up and helped carry me to a taxi and back to my flat. At this point my friends could have just left me at the comfort of sleeping on my couch, but they insisted on staying with me the night. I was sad that such a fun time was topped off with an injury (a very silly one at that!) but I am still very thankful for friends who carried me and took care of me under the frustrating and painful circumstances.

The next day I went to the ER (A&E as it's called here, for Accident and Emergency) and as I thought, they took x-rays, said I had done some streching or maybe tearing of the ligament and that I would need crutches.

Two weeks later I am walking without the crutches and I am due to see the specialist again tomorrow to find out if there is any serious damage (I don't think there is at this point, but we'll see what the doc has to offically say).

So that kind of slowed me down a bit. I am still playing drums and I've been asked to play drums for cousins of one of my friends here (It's nice because it's a bit of a different atmosphere to play in).

Last Thursday I went bowling with some friends from church and while the leg was a bit of a handicap the first game (I think I managed a 55 the first game!) the second game I scored a 144. One of my best games in a looooong time. I was out done by my friend Pat by two pins. My glory was stolen! :-)

The youth alpha course has continued to go well (thanks for your prayers!!). We are six weeks in and have about 4 more to go. The young people are bringing very good questions and this next Sunday we have a real opportunity to pray for them there and give them an experience that could change their lives. Please pray for the Holy Spirit day to be a success and that God would be speaking directly into their lives.

Overall church life is exciting as we head into summer. I am finding more and more personal challenges, but at the same time I am thankful for the friendships and the trust that is being built. It's a surreal experience at times of being so far from home and the "usual" life that I was used to. Living in England can be close to life back home at times, but it can also feel very different. All in all though, I am enjoying it and am looking forward to more adventures.

Till next time!
Paul