coming together...

so it's been awhile...

I'm settling in, and making great frinds (i can't tell you how nice it is to feel like I can laugh and be myself around more and more people). The university group has been a good deal of fun. I don't know if we'll meet tonight, but that aside I am making good friends there.

Paul (another drummer here) has been a good friend. We like the same movies, music and his personality is almost exactly like mine! I'm blown away by how God can send someone around the world and know what type of people they would fit with.

I have been very challenged on faith and trusting God for things. I guess it's part of finding my feet here.

Anyway, I have to sign off for now, but wanted to drop a line and say I'm alright and to please keep praying. The ups are good but the challenges are going to get interesting as life goes on I expect...exciting though being a first time leader and finding out all sorts of new things!!

Miss home and hope you all are well!
Paul

Back in the UK

So...a lot has happened since I last posted, and I mean a LOT.

in a bit of a socially active room at the moment, but I'm going to attempt to fill in the blanks of the last week since I left Chicago (sigh...again) and arrived back here.

It was a great time with my folks, and Christmas day I was a bit...emotional to say the least. I couldn't figure it out, but it was really nice to be with my family (even though Aaron didn't come in the end). After home I went back to Chicago for another 9 days and had a good time seeing people. I really miss everyone. Dan and I had a GREAT chance to get caught up on life and I realized how much I took for granted all my time at Oak Park.

I will warn you now:-) that I'm going to do a bit of soul bearing, so if emotionally charged blogs isn't your thing than maybe this is one to skip...

It's amazing how easy it is to take for granted friends and co-workers. I knew when I started the internship that it would be short term and there were times where I couldn't wait for it to be over. There were days when I was so mad at the ammount of work I had to do, and I didn't realize how much growing was happening. And having amazing people around (Dan, Ian, Jen and Fifer to name a few who I saw almost every day for those two years) and people who stood with me in prayer and so much more from church...it was amazing and I miss it.

So my last night in town I was up packing at 11:30 and I thought to call my dad (we hadn't REALLY talked when I was there and I think we both wanted at least one really good quality conversation before I left). I called Dad and it hit me almost as soon as I heard his voice on the other end: I want to go home.

in 2003 I lost home. My parents moved to Arizona, I was out on my own and I knew deep inside that I would never be able to really go home. I made a secondary home of sorts at vineyard oak park, but now here I was home temporaraly and set to go back to the UK in the next 24 hours...and life felt like it would never be the same. It really hit me there talking to my dad about how much I want to belong someplace. any place where I can be myself and have people who know me and who don't tell me what I want to hear. Where I can cry and not feel I'm surrounded by strangers...I sat there talking to my dad and said "I feel like the last dregs of home are draining away and part of me wants to hold on with everything I have" and yet even with the tears streaming down my face I knew there was nothing I could do to stop the flow of time.

Dad knew how I felt and he said "I remember taking you with me to work when you were three years old. As I watch you now moving out into the world, I realize that I can't protect you anymore" as I heard the words through his teary voice I knew it was a caring father who always wanted the best for his boys and now they are all grown up. What he said next really impacted me for the journey ahead: "I want you to know that I support you in the face of the challenges and I'm cheering you on every step of the way". I knew then why I felt so emotionally charged at home. Because I wanted to be there and hang on to every last bit and memory of home.
The next day was church and I had the priveledge of playing drums. I enjoyed it much and after the 2nd service people gave their applause in thanks for being there. I talked to Ian about the subject of home and he told me everything would be ok, and that I just need to give it 5 years and then I'll be in the groove:-) that's encouraging. It was hard saying goodbye again and not knowing when I'll be back around. My visa is for one year (with an optional 1 year extension) so for at least the next year this is home. I've spent the week trying to get over jet lag (waking at 4 in the morning is hard...it's a very lonely time and it's really the only time when I look at my watch and wonder what all my friends are doing back in Chicago).

Aside from the jet lag, it's been ok so far. The jet lag has had a domino effect with feeling ready to tackle the position here. I've been trying not to worry about little things and keep my focus on God and so far I've been pleasntly surprised by how famillair things seem here (part of me that was totally worried about getting along with people before has gone and I try to just be me (I'd rather people like me for me anyway!). I've gotten along with people who I wasn't so sure about before, so that's a good thing.

I realized on the plane here that I can't do this on my own. I was praying about it and felt God say "you're right, you can't". I guess the truth is that God may be using me and working through me, but it's not about me. God has a plan here and I want to stay focused on him and that's hard to do when I'm working on so much...friendships, work, and making this place my home. The times I get worried are when I lose that focus and start to worry about me or how I'm going to get on with my life here. It is different though this time around cause I know more of what it's going to take and I've got some good foundations here already.

I've had a good weekend and there is so much more I want to say about all that I've been thinking, but I guess this will do for now. I'm thankful that my surroundings don't feel so foreign, and I don't feel like such a tourist. Prayers are still needed, and I do miss home. The upside is that I made it three months here and if I can do three, I can do six, and if I can do six...well so on and so forth.

ok I think I'm done for now. thanks for your prayers and friendships! miss you all!
Paul

Arizona: 2nd full day

So here I am. Listening to some Chicane and whatever else my MP3 player decides to dish out. It's been a nice time so far. Although the aspect of an injured mom isn't so cool. I went to ride horses today and in years past she's always gone with me. It was nice to go, but I missed her.

I think I'm getting back on my usual food intake level. I think my stomache shrank in England, so it's nice to eat:-) I know I might not enjoy the holidays in years to come when my body starts to REALLY age and dislike my food choices, but for now I'm going to be happy and eat and enjoy this time with my family. The one upshot to mom's injury is that people have been SO nice from my Dad AND my Mom's churches. I think we have enough food here to last us till the next milennium.

My brother Ethan (middle one) is coming tonight. I think we're all hoping Aaron (oldest brother) pulls a surprise and show's up this weekend. I hear he has the time for it, and it's just a question of him getting a plane here from Korea.

I was riding today, and thought what a freakin amazing life I have. I didn't think I would have experienced so much of this world by this age. God is really cool and the way He's mastered this is really amazing to say the least. I've gone through some intense challenges the last two years, but here I am in Arizona and on the verge of living for who knows how long overseas. Something that I don't have the resources to do, but God has made a way and in the process has put some great people in my life as well and I can't wait to see how the next chapter unfolds.

Well, Ethan will be here soon and I should go. But even as I read back the entries of the last few months, I'm glad for all that's happened. Even in difficult moments God is active, and I wish I could see that more when I'm in those moments! Hopefully mom will be doing better by the end of this week. I want to keep praying for her but it's hard to see past myself and let God take it. I can get worried over little things that I know I shouldn't be worried about (what if she doesn't get healed? what if I get hurt or upset at God for not healing her on my timetable?) But I think I need to put all the what if's aside and just go for it. We'll see how it goes from here.

More next time!Paul

Arizona: Arrival

So...here i am "home" with the parents. It feels a bit odd to call this home, but for lack of a better word, I'm home...at least till I'm back in Bognor.

So last friday I applied for my visa. They didn't give me the visa I was aiming for, but they were very nice at the British consulate office in Chicago (I would have thought that living in Chicago would have made them brits hard nosed about letting us in to their country, but I was wrong!) and they helped me get the visa that would suit me better. So I have a one year visa that is renewable from England and post dated for 8th of January 07 to 8th of January 08.

I got back later that day to my friends place to find my dad had left me a message on my phone. About the same time my visa was processed, my mum was busy getting thrown off a horse and she ended up with a concussion, broken collar bone and two broken ribs. lovely...

Since talking with my dad on Friday about the accident, I've been praying and feeling/ hoping that God wants to heal her. I'll give more about that later...

Friday night I saw some friends at one party and before that one ended, I moved on to see family up on the north side of the city. Man I miss this town...so many memories. Friday was cool too as I found out one of my cousin's friends has a strong tie to England, and I might see some friends there next Spring! Looking forward to that!

Saturday I had worship band practice, which was nice. I don't mind playing at Bognor vineyard. I love the church, but they just need a bass player on a consistant basis:-) So it was nice to play with a full band to say the least. Saturday night there was a leaders party at my church, and it was really wonderful to see friends and to feel like I haven't been away for 3 months. And yet in the back of my mind I wondered how my friends were back in England...and that they'd be meeting for church when I'd be sleeping, and I would be at church when it's mid afternoon there...I can't tell you how it really feels to be drawn between two places, and both of which I want to be connected to 100%. I don't have any illusions that this phase will last. There will be a day when friends here move on like I have, and it may not be so easy to connect. But for now I'm doing my best at enjoying the time I have here. God's been in so much of life on both sides of the pond, and I'm glad to see people now and share some of what I've been through while the feelings of friendship are fresh.

Saturday night i ducked out of the leaders party early to see my brother and my cousion who came in to town on his way back to Penn. state. It was a short two hour visit, but it was nice. Even taking the train was sooo familliar. and nice to be in a place where I don't need a map to get around!

Sunday was very good. I saw more people, and it was a full day of activities. Two services at church then lunch at the senior pastor's house with several of the youth (explaining to them the differences of American and English culture that I've noticed so far) and how I've gotten along with the Bognor youth. There was even a broccoli fight in there as well, which was fun.
Sunday night was the worship team christmas party, which was nice to see so many faces of people who I have been honored to serve with in worship over the last six years. I opted out of the gift exchange due to the idea that I don't need any extra crap on the plane with me, thank you very much! After the party I went and had a chance to hang out with another good friend from church, and I didn't actually get back to pack my things until after midnight, and it was after 2am when I finally got to sleep!

Today I was up at 7:30am to catch a train up to the airport. Thankfully I was able to fly standby and get on an earlier flight out of Chicago. I tried to sleep on the plane, but it's always rough trying to sleep in the "economy" class...crappy seat class if you ask me...

But here I am, sitting in my parents office typing another entry to this blog thing. I prayed for my mum tonight as well...I came in to the house and she was lying on the couch (sofa) and she cried a bit when she saw me (she doesn't take too well to vicadin or codine, so she's in some pain and uses ibuprofin to help). I cried a bit cause I felt sorry for her that she couldn't get up to hug me. Her collar bone is broken through, and it's the kind of injury that there isn't much they can do for it so it's going to heal abnormally.

I told my mum that I wanted to pray for her, so Dad and I did so. Nothing happened, at least not there and then. She's still in the other room on the couch. Those of you reading this, please pray that God does heal her. I really want to see a miracle here, and I'm going to try and pray for her every day that I'm here. My hope is that she'll be back riding horses with me by Friday. How cool would that be?

My middle brother is coming in on Wednesday night, so at least 4/5th's of us will be here for the holidays this year. I'm glad to have my passport stuff sorted, and thank you all for praying about that. That was a big hurdle, and now I feel I can relax a bit.

I'll post more later. Miss you all, and God bless!
Paul

SURPRISE!!!!!

So in case you don't know by now, this brit wanna be has returned to his home for a month.
I'm home to complete the transition to England, if that makes sense. Hopefully by Saturday I'll have my Visa all sorted, and then I'm away to Arizona for 10 days over Christmas and then back to Chicago for New Years.

I knew about this trip 3 months ago and it took a lot of effort to keep it a surprise from most people here at home. My plan was to fly in Tuesday night and show up and surprise the youth at church. Maybe even have a shot at playing drums. But due to bad weather and other delays I had the joy of spending about 12 hours seated on a cramped airplane. These things happen I know, but I think just about every other traveling experience I've had where there was time for things to go wrong have gone smoothly. So it was a bit frustraiting to say the least...

But I did get to see some people when I got in, and I can't tell you how surreal it is to be home. I've been away for what felt like ages, and then to come back and feel like nothing has changed is pretty strange. I don't like the fact that I've got a list of details staring me in the face, but I do like being in a place with familliar faces and where I don't really need a map with me to get around.

I am looking forward to going back as well. I hope to feel more setttled there and ready to tackle the new year. God has been moving so much in Bognor, and I can't wait to see how the new year unfolds for the youth, the church and the cross-church relationships I'm building.

I hope to blog more here as these next few days unfold and I get around to see friends and suss out my Visa. Please do pray that the issues of my visa, and bringing more of my stuff back to England somehow gets worked out. And that above all I'll be able to chill while I'm home.
Paul

Time ticks by...

So...

It's been almost 3 months. A lot has happened in that time.

This past weekend was a bit of a highlight. I went with Kate, Jan, Jess and a few others from church up to Winchester for a leaders day at the Vineyard there. It was really good. It was nice to see and hear from John Mumford (The national director for Vineyard UK) about all that has been happening. I can see why John Wimber liked him! Winchester was the first Vineyard that contacted me this past summer...I could have worked up there!! But Bognor is SOOO much cooler!!

During the first ministry time the pastor from the Salsbury Vineyard came and prayed for me. He had an encouraging word for me. He said he felt that God was going to make my time here more than worth it. Everything I expected isn't everything that God wants to do. BUT that in that there is struggle involved.

Monday and Tuesday were kind of tough days emotionally. I still feel at times like it's tough fitting in. I don't like the idea of starting over getting to know people...but who knows. I have to keep trusting God to lead and keep putting myself out there socially in spite of how hard it can be sometimes. Tuesday night I opened up a bit to the folks in my homegroup and it felt pretty good to feel that much more accepted.

Christmas plans are coming together here. I'll be up in Bedford with my cousins, so at least I'll see family. I did get to speak with my parents and my brother on Sunday, and that was nice. Phones are a sweet invention but Skype is so much cooler!!

I still have some dreams of Vineyard oak park. I miss friends who know me...but it'll be ok. In a years time, I'll look back and be thankful that the first year is down.

Sorry it's a tad random. I find it hard to keep things in order these days. I guess my age is showing! :-) Oh, I went with some people to see Casino royale on Sunday night. It was quite good, and I'm looking forward to the next one in two years!!

Troop and Foam are going ok. The holidays are kind of a challenge and I think we'll be a bit more settled after the new year. Please keep praying for me and the youth here. I know it will be some time before we find our groove, and we need all the prayer we can get.
Please drop me a line when you can!
Paul

Afer a while....

Ok...so it's been a little while.

Today I attended a child protection training session. I'm feeling a bit more "official" in my role now:-)

Thursday night Troop is in a bit of a fragile place, coming off a kind of tough night. My thoughts and plans for the group weren't so well accepted and we had to have a chat about some things relating to the transition phase.

When the church here started looking for a youth pastor they seemingly didn't include the youth in much of the process. These young people started this group out of an alpha course that was done 2 years ago and they have felt strongly about it being "their group" ever since. While they have had adults sit in and give direction it is a very different program approach to what I was trained in. A bit of a hard point for me to not take some of what they said that first of 2 disscussion nights personally. But the more I thought and prayed about it, I realized they don't really have grounds to know me or my life in Chicago, and God had to say "HEY! chill, it's not about you, it's about them and you need to listen to them and gather as much info as you can on the back story here". So the next week I asked DJ to come and help facillitate a discussion on how they feel. It went very well and this past week we had a social night led by Sara. This next week some of the members will take the welcome, the worship and the word time of the night.
Simalliar moves are being made with FOAM on Wed. nights. They want to have one night a month where they have a more active role in the group. So looks like my high and mighty training (or pride) needs to take a back seat and I need to learn to give some things away while at the same time providing direction or helping them stay on track with the focus of the night. If all that makes sense...

A bit of a challenge, but at the same time I feel a bit less pressure to come with something every week. Jess and Kate have been amazing here as well in helping me see the subtle differences between US youth culture and UK youth culture.

I do feel a bif of pride needs to be swallowed as well in the sense that the novelty of my arrival has worn off. So that's been a bit of a challenge.

This last week I met with a student at McDonalds here for a chat (he's from Croatia and is struggling with being a teen at the moment) and I met with another guy at Subway yesterday (he's almost 17 and his parents moved to the states without him and he's probably not going to see them for a year or so so he's going through a lot with learning to live on his own). So I'm seeing that my role is taking on a lot of discipleship aspects as well. I do like hanging out with these guys and just chatting with them about life.

This past week we started a university age small group. We meet again this week and I'm pretty stoked about it all! Please do keep praying for Troop, FOAM and the new house group. It's still challenging but I'm looking at it with some new ideas, and we could use all the prayer we can get.

I'm missing home and wish I could be there....I've dreamed of church and in my dreams no one has changed a bit! I still see the carpet in the sanctuary and the stage and all the chairs...even the lighting is the same...a bit dim at times but a warm place nonetheless...
That's life in a nut shell. Please do drop a line and let me know all that I'm missing!
Paul

quick note

So last Thursday was a bit of a night for the record books.

The las month and a half I've been leading troop and have felt a bit challenged in finding the best way to go about that. Thursday's plan for discussion wasn't well recieved and some of the students were honest about where they were at with some of the changes and I'm realizing some tough things:

The youth here really like to feel that the group is their own. They don't seem to click with the american style of leadership (youth pastor teaches every week). They want to contribute and I haven't really picked up on that.

There are other subtle cultural differences that I'm having to pick up on and adapt to. But it seems a big challenge for them is that for the last two years they've seen a lot with the group and now I'm brought in by the leadership and no one asked them if this is what they want. For them it probably feels like "here's paul, get used to him leading you".

So this week I asked DJ to come and help me clairify some things with them. It really is a learning process and I don't like it some days. But I'm really glad that last thursday some hard things got pushed onto the table and hopefully we can continue to talk about those things as they develop.

I need to run now and get some other things done. But things are really fun, I've been ice skating, off to see fire works, and out to lunch with people over the last four days!! Relationships are moving forward, and that's nice. Sorry this is so short...I wish you all could be here to see these things unfolding. It really is something!

Laters,Paul

24 hours in Bedford (posted Friday Oct. 27th)

So I'm in the bedford library. my cousin Abi has gone back to her flat with her son Owen. I came up last night on the train (a four hour trip from Bognor up through London and then north to Bedford). When I arrived Abi's husband Jon met me and after a brief hello to Abi, Jon and I set out for Damien's house (a friend of Jon's). Jon and some friends are playing a pub show in December so they got together to practice last night. They're really good and in spite of it being their first night of playing, by the end they were a fairly tight group.

Today Jon has been at work so Owen, Abi and I went to the park to let Owen have a run around while Abi and I talked about old memories of being in youth group at Vineyard Evanston and life afterwards. It's interesting comparing my experience to that of the youth here. Some of the same things that they see are on par with some of the same things I dealt with. I find myself thinking of Chris Herning (my old youth pastor) and wonder if he saw things in this way when I was a student under him.

Today was a good day. I woke feeling at peace with the fact that I'm here and that I've made some really good connections with people already. And while it has been hard to stay focused on God at times and trust Him that He is faithful to lead me through this transition phase, it is happening even when I don't see it or feel it. And having a somewhat familiar face around like Abi's is really nice. We weren't super close back in youth group (she was two years ahead of me) but we were a part of the chicago group and we all tended to stick together (late movie nights on Saturday and then go to church the next day only to sleep through the sermons!! great times!!).

Y'know, as crazy as I can feel at times about growing up and moving on, it's good overall. You'll have to forgive me, but I can tend to be a bit dramatic in my thoughts about growing up and moving on...I'm very much a people person and if I could ever put into words how I feel about my close friends I would. I know, not typical of a guy to put feelings out there, but I do have it in me (rarely as it may show!).

If you couldn't tell by now, I am also very much feelings oriented. I don't like it most days cause I can wear my heart on my sleeve (which I think drove Ian Carroll nuts some days!!!). It's funny too though because I come here and I don't have close friends who I can open up to so there is a bit of a clash of wanting to talk about how I feel (cause I can go by my feelings) and yet I have a slight reservation in opening up too quickly to people. So it's been a challenge walking that line and just letting things happen "naturally". I'm laughing at myself as I write this cause I see a bit of a paradox there if that makes sense.

Oh, something else that I've noticed here. There is a LOT of diversity in ethnic groups here depending on where you go. I know we have it in the states, but it's somehow different here. Indian, Asian, Italian, various African faces....it can really stand out to me sometimes. Even here in the library, I'm surrounded by a lot of different people.

Church is like that too. English, Scottish, Irish, Dutch...so many accents when you listen for it. It's pretty cool, and I really like getting to know people from different backgrounds. Even to see how life has progressed here since the war is interesting. I think in the states we can get land locked and we're not really the kind of people to think too far beyond our borders. But here where it's a much more central location to the rest of the world it's a lot more open. If that makes sense.

Anyway, do come and visit when y'all can. OH!! I met Sarah (an AMERICAN!) last night who was in Chicago just days ago! She was talking about Pilsen and how much she liked the city....made me miss home! We also had a bit of fun taking the mc out of the brits in the room. It was nice to hear some VERY american phrases....we had a good laugh in a way the english wouldn't understand! Heh heh heh...

But seriously. Come visit, I'd love to show off my flat and show off my surroundings. It's great here and I am moving forward. Keep in touch!
Paul

Half term

Wow. a good week overall.

Tues. night I went to housegroup and had a nice time. We had a "fun" night and did some karaoke...I did a splendid imitation of Vanilla Ice with Ice ice Baby. Made everyone laugh and I had a good time.

Wed. I went with a few others from church to a Discipleship course at a local college/ hotel here in Bognor. It was a good time all three days (Wed. thurs. Fri.). I was challenged with some new things as well as reminded of things I need to keep in mind when in leadership and teaching others as well as being taught myself....

Wed. night was FOAM. Jess was away so Kate was my help for the evening, and we both commented the next day how surprising it was that none of the students could really form their own words in response to the question "what does it mean to be a Christian?" I think that sheds some light on where to go in the future with them.

Thursday night was Troop, and that went really well. I wasn't feeling up for it (I had very little sleep the night before) and I wasn't sure if what I had prepared would fly. But after some prayer and focusing in on God, I shared what I had and the response was really good.

I opened the night by explaining that if their expectation of me is that I'm here with some great revelation from God and that I'm the one who's going to help them get their lives in order and speak direction into their lives then they're wrong. I explained that the only real amount of authority I have over them is how much they give me. I may hold the title of youth pastor, but when it comes down to it they have to make the choice to either take my suggestions to heart or go their own way. I can't make any of them do something if they don't want to do it. After that I shared about loving yourself and seeing yourself as God sees you. It was really good because I think in their lives they hear so much about love and all these great ideas surrounding that, but if a person can't love themself, how can they expect to receive love from others? or more importantly from God who created them?

Anyway, I thought it was good and one of the students even came and talked about it with me afterwards.

Friday was the Raise Ya Hands benefit concert that Sara and other students put on, and it was a really good night! Four of us opened the night with drum/ percussion solos, and Nick (a percussionist) and I were asked to close the night! It got the crowd going and a lot of good comments and overall I feel it was one of those nights that deepens friendships. All in all about 16 different acts performed, and as tired as the team seemed at the end of the night, I think it went off really well. Sara seemed relieved that it was over and done with.

Saturday was a low key day and now we head in to the half term break, so a lot of people are away this week on vacation or some other event to break away from the usual. Troop and FOAM are cancelled this week, so I may try to get out and see some sights. I'll post more when I can....miss you all!
Paul

Walking on...

Whew. what a week.
Jess and Kate (the new DNA students) helped with FOAM on WED. and Jess is in Troop on Thurs. so it's good to have some help there (FOAM needs more guys to come along...the last two weeks it's been all girls and me...I'd love to see more guys there! please pray for that to happen).
Last Tues. was bit better than monday, so things are being worked through. I still feel lonely and disconnected at points, but as I said, it takes time for all this to work out...I don't like it but it's the process God has me in I guess.

Saturday night Jess, Kate and I went to go to Chitchester to see a movie. It was a good time (although I think we all wished more people could have made it out with us). It was nice to have time to NOT think about work and the transition phase I'm in.

Sunday was church and I am now in the lead role for Grapes (the 12-18 age group). It's been going ok this past month, and in Nov. I'm going to split the ages 11-13 and then 14-18. I'll take the older crowd and see what to do with them...please pray about that. I really want to see them take steps towards a place of maturity where they can (and want to) sit in with the main service.
This week I'm busy all nights except tonight (Monday). Housegroup on Tues. FOAM on Wed. Troop on TH. and then Raise Ya Hands on Fri. RYH is the benefit show for AIDS victims in S. Africa. Pat (one of the uni students here) and I are going to open the night with a drum off! I'm pretty stoked, and I can't wait to have a bit of crazy fun:-) DVD's will be available thanks to support by Apple (yes, Sara pulled out some really amazing stops for this thing in the way of sponsorship) and I'm really thrilled to see what they put their hearts to next.

Troop has been going well. We've had some real moments of voulnerability, and I'm so thankful to God for leading the group in relationships and how He's using me to challenge them to a deeper level of relationship with Jesus. Plese pray that I would stay real and keep MY eyes on Jesus. I want to point the young people to Him and I want to speak from being in that place of a real relationship with Him.

That's most of the main news here. I'd love to hear how you all are doing. Take care! Paul

Rough day

So the last two days have been interesting. by that i mean very challenging.

I had a rough night of sleep Sunday which probably didn't help my day get off to a great start.
I got lost on my way in to work, and it wasn't fun. I felt like such a flippin' tourist and wayy out of my comfort zone.

After working at the shop all day (tearing out shelves and the leftover pieces of the wall) Jan took me shopping at a place called Tesco's (it's really close to Jewel or Dominicks). For some reason walking around tesco's really caught me off guard and I really felt insecure being there. Everything was so close to being at home yet it all stood out as completely foreign.

After that I was supposed to go to a youth and childrens worker meeting, but due to a fluke in texting here I missed a ride to the meeting and didn't go.

All that was really frustrating. I'm a world away from anything familliar and while i'm ok with it there are times where it is REALLY unsettling. I really miss home. I know I'm called to be here, but I don't like this stage. No close friends, and I feel like I'm stumbling to find my feet and fall into a rutine.

The honeymoon phase is over and coming into the fact that this is really happening is hard. Verity came back last night and she saw I wasn't having a good day and we had a long talk about it which was helpful. But I miss my friends! I miss the silly moments, the serious moments, the dull moments. In coming here I see how much I've changed over the last 6 years and a lot of that is from God, yes, but also through godly friends and I really miss you all.

Oak Park Vineyard is still MY HOME church. I may be gone, but it doesn't mean i don't want to know about life back there. I want to hear the funny, the silly, even the boring news from home. cause right now I don't exactly feel connected here...or there. I do want to know that I have friends who think of me...

I may not be the worlds greatest communicator, but I will try and keep in touch as best as I can. I miss you all so much and I can stress how much i want to still feel conneceted to home. I really want to call you and hear how you're doing in a more personal way than through a cold keyboard, but I left my cell (with all the numbers!) in the states! Email me and let's setup a time to chat over the phone...

Time for supper. There is so much more I want to say, but for now I miss home and I dearly want to know what's happening there. Ian, how did you do it? wow...
Paul

Over the wekend...

So...let's see...

Friday we met the new students coming on board for a year of discipleship training. They're cool and they seem really excited to be here (one of them even got a vision of looking out to sea a week before she heard she would be here...on the seafront!)

Saturday I moved in and last night I slept in my new flat (that's an appartment in case you didn't know. Appartments here are what we would call condominiums). I STILL have not met my new roommates yet!! They got in at like 3am and I was like "no way am I getting up now to meet them". Oh well...maybe later tonight.

saturday evening I went over to Alex Hamiltons for dinner and to watch the England Vs. macedonia football game. Alex and his wife are a really nice couple from the church and two of their kids are in the youth group at church. After that DJ came and picked me up and I went and saw "Crash" with Dj, Matt, Jess, kate, and Verity. Good movie...

Today at church I played drums and it was a good time. God really showed up and there was even an encore for "How Great Is Our God". I don't know how much I'll really use that gift here cause there is so much other stuff going on and as much as I love the drums, part of me wants to focus on other things.

After worship I led the Grapes class (12-17 age group). It went OK and I look forward to the next few weeks when we tackle Hebrews chapter 11!

After church there was an open house sort of thing at the home of one of the church members, and it was a nice time. i sat and talked mostly with the new comers which was pretty cool.
So this next week will be finding out what I need over at the new place. I'm a bit frustraited over not being able to find a power converter to plug my american electronics into (and then from there into the wall sockets here). I may get back over to Portsmouth this week to see if the stores there have what I'm looking for.

OH! i did go swimming yesterday with Jan and two of his three boys which was cool. I'm also looking at getting a membership there so I can get back into swimming three days a week.

So there's my weekend. Hope all of you across the pond are good!

Oops...

Sorry! This blog was meant to go BEFORE the post marked "A month out". Read this before that and some things will make sense...

10.5.06
Ok so i wasn't going to post today, but this dream I had last night was really stirring. I thought I'd post about it and ask y'all to pray.

I was camping with a group of people (I couldn't make out anyone I was with, but my gut tells me we were somewhere in England). Storm clouds moved in and the weather turned on us. Someone came running up and said there was a tornado down the hill coming up against us. I went out and looked and sure enough I saw a tornado forming and coming for the camp. The group got scared and fled. I stood my ground and did the only thing I could think of. I put my hand out in front of me (palm out against the tornado) and screamed at the top of my voice: "IN THE NAME IF JESUS, I COMMAND YOU TO LEAVE!!!" At that the tornado disappeared. Three more formed up and came for me and I did the same thing. The next thing i knew the group had returned and they helped fight back the tornados in the name of Jesus.

Pretty powerful, huh?

All day i've been thinking and praying about it. I don't know if it means the church here is in for some attack or what, I just know that it's a call to stand in the confidence of Jesus name whatever happens.

So I'm off to Troop (the sr. youth group) tonight. It should be interesting as I think we'll be talking about wholeness and what it looks like when God comes and deals with stuff on every level of our lives.

Foam was good last night and even thoough we didn't totally get through the lesson (there were a lot of questions ranging from the Big Bang to dinosaurs, and to the question of how do we know Jesus IS the answer? what about islam or other options? that's all for next week I assured them). Oh well. At least they seem an inquisitive bunch!

Sara Morris went home early from school today after another bad headache and a really bad dizzy spell. Please pray that she comes through this and finds total healing. It's a challenge for me to not let my burden bearing self kick in and try to do more to help her. She's got a lot going at school and everyone here feels pretty sad for her.

Tomorrow is sort of a day off and I think I move into my flat at Highfield Road (along with some shopping and other errands to make my room a bit more comfy)! We also have two students coming on board to do a sort of "discipleship/intern" year with us. There is talk I may have some significant role in helping them develop their gifts and help them find ways to plug in and serve. I'm excited!

Well, that's it for now. I miss you all and it's hard not having the comfort factor that I did when I was home. But good things are happening here, and I'm very priviledged to be a youth leader who's worked on two continents! Truly more from God than I could ever ask for or hope for. Till next time!
Paul

A month out...

So here it is, a month since I left home. a lot has happened, and I'm really excited over this weekend!

But first off:

last night (Thursday) was Troop. i was a bit dissapointed cause it was only 5 that showed up (two of them were 19 and 20 year old university students, so it wasn't a big crowd). I wasn't going to share what i had prepared, but matt told me to flip a a coin and if it was heads I would do the lesson and if it was tails I would do the back up lesson (which would have been to recycle Wed. nights object lesson).

The coin landed on heads. So with 5 I started.

We looked at three different stories of Jesus healing people out of Luke. We discussed what the back stories may have been for these individuals and what life was like before and after the healing. On of the students then asked "that's great, but what does this have to do with us?"
Good question i replyed. I then spoke about God coming into our lives and how he loves us too much to let us stay the same. And then i got a bit voulnerable and shared some of my healing experiences over the last two years and what it has been like for me to come out of lies that I've had since childhood. Once i shared that and put my heart out there, the group was dead silent for minutes on end. I don't think they were expecting that and it seemed to stir things in their own hearts. One girl mentioned that she has been struggling with intimidation and feels intimidated by people around her (I think others were probably thinking about their own issues as well and didn't feel like sharing). i think it was a good night and I'm really excited to see where stuff goes over these next few weeks with teaching voulnerability and that God wants us to be healed and to find wholeness.

Today I was up at 6am for the 6:30 prayer meeting at the office. It was a really good time and at the end i shared my dream from two nights ago and some felt that i should be prayed for. It was really encouraging, and God really spoke to me about standing in confidence and that as I do that others will learn it as well and start to fight whatever is opposing them in life.

I have NOT moved into my flat yet. today was raining for most of the day so Jan (pronounced Yawn) said tomorrow might be better. Oh well...

We had a lunch here at Jan and Lisa's for the new discipleship students. Jess and Kate are 19 and 20 (I think) and they are really nice. After lunch kate had a list of really good questions on the youth and what has been happening so far. It was good to have that talk cause it forced me to really think about what stage we're at and where to go from here.

Tonight I'm totally free. Jan and Lisa are going out and the kids are going to be away so I think I'll try and go out or maybe have some people over and watch the ORIGINAL Italian Job. We'll see...

Till next time!
paul

Another post

So sorry that I haven't posted in over a week. I meant to over the weekend but i never got around to it. Oh well. A quick one for now I guess...

Last thursday we had troop. It was kind of hard going cause I didn't plan a real lesson I just wanted to know what the group expected of me and what they would like to see happen in the future. So we made a list of ideas/ expectations. I DID have to mention that I have authority to nix anything from the list so things like having me around one time a week to do the kids laundry was a no go for example. It was a good night overall (I had to use a bit of a stern voice at one point when some of the youth got a bit out of hand with conversations that were not on the subject...they're easily distracted over here!)

Friday night was very fun. It was Jan's last day at his job (he's now a full time pastor and it's a bit of a leap of faith for him...which has been nice to know that i'm not the only one here who's taking a huge risk in life and work). Jan got some of the guys together and we met up at a local pub for a drink and a chat. It was good fun.

Saturday i went and got my hair cut. Now all the blond is gone and it's pretty short. People say I look more like a brit now. I guess I can't get away from that forever, can I?

Saturday night Verity and her cousin invited me to dinner by camp stove on the beach which was quite nice of them. Most of the night was spent taking the mick out of me for this or that, but it wasn't all totally undeserved:-)

Sunday was church and afterwards Jan's family and I went over to his parents place for tea and a bit of snacks. It was a nice time. jan's parents are dutch survivors of the war, so I'm looking forward to chatting with them about it next time I see them.

Monday I got to see my flat for the first time. Jan and I took out the old carpet from my room and today jan and nathan (one of the kids Jan worked with in his last job as a social worker) painted my room while I was here at the Morris' helping them get the place ready in time for the students arrival on Friday. The flat is really nice and I'll be moving in sometime after the new carpet gets put in this week. I'm excited!!

That's most of the major news here. I know I've missed some details cause it's been over a week. Oh, I'm playing drums this week in church! The housegroup i attend on Tuesday's leads worship one time a month, so they've asked me to play this weekend....it's nice, but we need a bass player! I've seen a need for drummers, but never a bass player. I guess I always thought the bass was a bit more of a glorified position than the drums...guess I was wrong.

Tonight is FOAM tomorrow is Troop...and I don't know what exactly will fill in the rest of the week. Oh Jan and I are also doing a bit of demolition work in the Vineyard shop here in town getting the back rooms ready to use as a meeting place. That's been fun and I'll post pics of that along with the 5 million others I'll have to post by the time I actually get around to it...

Tomorrow is our first "staff" meet where the core leaders get together and stratigize and plan how we'll take over Bognor!! just kidding....

I am also looking at starting up a younger (university) age house group for 18 to mid 20s. We'll see how that goes (I'm excited about it!!)

Right, I need to go clean up from painting and then get some thoughts out on paper for tonight. I'm getting more and more settled here, but the moments of feeling like a foreigner haven't really died off and I'm still trying to find my feet and not worry too much about this that and the other. Today has been kinda hard though cause I haven't been sleeping as well as I'd like and it's been hard to concentrate on even simple tasks like painting a door (it usually doesn't take me much to get a coat of paint on but today was different...) anyway. Please keep praying that I get settled and that God continues to lead me through this process. And let me know how I can pray for you!

Oh yes, and if you could please pray for Sara. She went and had tests done yesterday to see why she get's these nasty headaches. We're waiting on the results. We've prayed for her and it's kinda hard to see the problem still present. Guess that's the hard part of watching students through the good and bad of life.

Till next time,Paul

Since I've been here there are some random things I've had to get used to. I thought it would be nice to list the things I've noticed so far so you can get an idea of what it's like here.

Houses:
This one is hard to explain without a picture to go along with it. But houses here are almost like houses back home yet different. There is a LOT od brick houses around for one, and the designs are well, different. The back yard is called the "garden" (the front is called the front garden, from what I gather) and the back yards of the Morris' and the Van driel's are fairly large.

Roundabouts:
We have some in the states, but here traffic lights are rare and roundabouts are almost everywhere. When I do go out, I'm still a bit thrown by driving on the left hand side of the road and especialy how one navigates these roundabouts without having a major accident (I'm still just a passenger, I'm not daring enough to drive just yet!).

Taking the mick out:
Teasing. When you're taking the mick out of someone your giving them a hard time. Ex: Almost everyone I've met has taken the mick out of me for my accent. I try explaining that I've got the real accent (It's TOE-MAY-TOE not toMAto!!) but no one seems to agree...I guess there's a reason why Americans rebelled against that Queens english...

Football:
Soccer. I must admit we do have a silly way of mis-labeling things in the states. I prefer football because it's played with your feet and you kick a ball. I do like american football, but you don't really use your feet much.

Posh:
It means your very proper. Celebrities are considered posh here. It can also mean you're rich (i think).

Texting:
People here LOVE to text other people with their cell phones. I know some use texting in the states but let me tell you it's everywhere here. At the mall, on the train, in a crowded street...it's crazy.

The carriage way:
The expressway. You know, where you drive really fast. I still haven't figured out all the rules of the road, so I can't tell you where the slow and fast lanes are. Oh yeah, al the cars i've taken a ride in are manual transmission. As much as I like driving stick shift, I'm a bit afraid of learning to shift with my LEFT hand!

The Tube:
The subway where the train goes in London.

CRB:
Criminal Records Buraeu. The agency that performs background checks on childcare workers.

Hole in the wall:
The ATM. I've seen it myself, and it is in fact called the hole in the wall. Why, I don't know.
Con-doms: (yes, two seperate words from what I can tell). i was shocked to hear this word from Ian Morris the other day and I thought we didn't have the word in america-until he called it a rubber. I'm sure the look on my face was a bit embarrased:-)

Cheeky:Acting silly.

The tele: television.

X-factor: Britains version of American Idol. It's different actually. They have a 24 and under crowd, they have the 25 and older and then they have groups. Simon Cowell is part of the show and he's no different here. I don't really know who the other two judges are. They have had some elderly people come on the show and sing their hearts out, so that's been interetesting to see. Apparently two weeks ago some teenage girls came on and did the song "Breath". they didn't get through, and took a bit of abuse from the judges for it, but it was a nice show of faith I thought.

So that's pretty much it for this round. I'll post more as I find strange words or other interesting things that are funny or different. Later!

Over the weekend...

So to update:

Here i am in Bognor Regis (bog is another word for toilet, so in spite of how beautiful it is here, some look down on the town due to it's name). I've been asked to stay on to further explore a role with the church (which is good considering my flight home was Friday, 2 days ago!)
Friday was a low key day here at the Morris' house. It was raining and i didn't get out at all. Saturday was different: Sunny and a darn good day to head off to see the D-Day museum over in Portsmouth. It was a bit of a longer train ride than I expected, but oh well. I got there and went over to the museum straight away and had a really nice time.

I really like WWII history. I think it's a fascinating era, and what the world had to live through was really hard. To see it from Englands perspective was even more dramatic (nightly bombing raids by the germans and facing the threat of invasion for years on end while the Battle of Britan raged in the skies above). Thankfully the Germans never achieved their goal of owning the skies over England, so when the Americans arrived there was quite the anticipation of the tide turning.

The museum told a lot of what life was like for the English living with war on their doorstep. I was amazed at all the artifacts and things preserved from the war. I think there is undue American pride over the war but really it was such a international event that i don't think any country can claim they had the "best" had in winning the war. The simple truth is that if the world had not united in the face of such a threat, many of us would be living much different lives to say the least. But enough of my rambling over history...

Today was a bit of a hard day for me. I woke with emotions going nuts with the thought that I am out of my comfort zone. Now I know that this is where God is calling me, and that He has a plan and I need to trust Him. But in the face of that is some worry over how long it will take before I REALLY feel at home here. I don't have a Dave Fife or an Ian Carroll or other friends who know me and who can offer advice over a meal. I mean I have connected with some people but it can feel a bit daunting when I think of the time that it took at Oak Park and how long it may take to REALLY get to know people here.

I do feel loved and accepted for the most part. But there are hard moments where I just want to be in a place that's familiar and around people who know me (and where I don't feel like such a %&^! tourist!!!). On the other hand if I returned to Oak Park, what would I have to do? This is where God has me, and as hard as it is sometimes, I don't want anywhere else (unless God says "go").

Anyway, those feelings wore me out by the time we got home from church. I went and napped for an hour or so before lunch was ready. I met Ian Morris' mother and sister and brother-in-law and that was a nice time. Then Sara, James and I met up with Ronin over at the Baptist church for their "youth led" evening service. It was a nice time and I've been hearing a lot about the team from Brazil that's over there. But they were away for the weekend, so I didn't get to meet any of them! I met the pastor and another leader though, so my goal of making some connections paid off.

In the car on the way home Sara shared some things about one of the young people from Vineyard. Ian asked me my thoughts and I really realized for the first time what may be happening (or about to happen) among some of the students coming back from Soul Survivor.
The good thing about S.S. (soul survivor, a huge youth gathering every year here in England) is that it brings people together and participants see a spike in friendships and in what God is doing. It's a really good thing cause it opens people up in a way they might not in church on Sunday morning.

BUT the downside is that when they come home those tight friendships can:
A: exclude others who didn't attend
B: produce emotional attachments that can be unhealthy and
C: Put the emphasis on friends rather than God when it comes to dealing with hard issues.

I've seen some of all three but my intuition tells me that C may be something that will need to be dealt with soon. There is a line where friends can be a good thing, but there is also a need for "tough love" where the group needs to help point the way to Jesus because He's the one that wants to deal with the deep hurts and the group can not keep covering up those hurts by talking to friends. And friends come and go, but God is around for ever.

So now to try and encourage the group to seek deeper intamacy with God. I realize that when tough love is shown I can only give advice on what might be a good option. Other than that it's up to each student to work it out with God.

So it's a lot starting to form. I need to go to bed now cause there is an EARLY prayer meeting I'd like to attend at 6:30 am (12:30am in Oak Park!! hard to believe...)

Please pray for me and this group as these things develop. It helps me feel a bit more "involved" when I think like a pastor, so I'd like to see more opportunities come up to help point the young people to Jesus. Miss all of you!!

Troop night

So tonight was Troop, the "older" crowd. i think the age range was 15-19 tonight and there were 13 of us crammed into the morris' living room. Sara thought it may have been the biggest group (at least since the start of Troop if not the biggest ever).

I talked to the youth about being bold in faith and where they want to go with their faith. I copied a bit of Ian's talk where he used the terror alert colors as a scale for the young people to measure their faith (where would the enemy be if you came around?) I thought it was a good night in general although some points were a struggle to read how the young people were processesing everything. I imagine it will take some time to feel out where to go with the group and see what sort of rutine we go for. I really see a need for some rutine of learning from the Bible and also taking time for the young people to share with other's what's going on. How that all get's worked (or sussed) out remains to be seen.

I am feeling a bit exhausted with all that's happening now. With all the details to be worked out i somehow missed the step where i check with someone (immagration or the U.S. Embassy) to see if i CAN arrange my visa from this end. This leaves me feeling like a bit of a dork in the wake of cacelling my flight out tomorrow...

But the leaders here are OK with it and see that maybe it's better to get some things settled here and then if i need to go back in three months then so be it. Or maybe i just need to be out of England to apply for it (day trip to France, baby!!) I'm a bit stressed though at working things out.

I may very well be into my new place by next wednesday! I'll leave the morris' Sunday night or so (cause they're water will be off for most of next week while they have work done on the new rooms of the house) so it's back to Jan and Lisa's for a few days before i check out the flat (and meet my new room mates).

I helped Ian (Mr. Morris) paint the new rooms today. It was nice to feel put to use and to not think about all the other stuff...i think i'll try and get out a little tomorrow to walk if it's a nice day. I'm also getting into tea here, so that's kinda funny. I didn't like tea much in the states but with a bit of milk and sugar it's pretty good here.

That's the major news right now. I'm off to bed. Good night! :-)

Continued thoughts...

Ok, so i can't shake the excitement and i wanted to post again.

Housing is getting lined up and tomorrow i cancel my ticket home. I can stay for 6 months as a tourist and during that time i can earn money through "gifts" from friends. So now to get the word back out to former supporters of my new situation...

There is a bit of tension in the air i think for both sides, considering it's totally new territory for all involved! It's a really good thing we all think, but working out the logistical details is kind of a challenge when you're not totally sure how it's all going to come together.

My title may not exactly be "youth pastor" and i'm ok with that. there are a number of young people aged 11 to younger 20's who they are hoping i could draw along side and help disciple. so the plan is to take the next 6 months and then review where the plan is at. a bit of tension there as well at least for me cause it's stepping out in a new place. I think God has equipped me for this task, and i feel he's opened this door so it's just walking out stuff i know in a new setting. yet somehow that seems really challenging.

the young people are really active here. There is an event they are doing called Raise Ya Hands which is a night of music (10 local bands) and other events to raise money for a charity in South Africa! It's happening in October and it seems really cool and I'm amazed at the passion that's driving it forward.

Oh yes, tonight was FOAM (Friends On A Mission) which is the 11-14 year olds. It was a good group, and they really like Pink Spot (a youth group game I learned in the states). I have yet to introduce other games like fruit basket or the i like/ don't like game. Ahhhh....the looks on their faces when it's a new silly game they've never played before. It was also a good night to challenge their faith with stepping out more and take risks to pray for people they might not normally pray for. They really had good questions on how to approach someone if you feel God is leading you. I thought it was good. I'm excited to see where things go.

Tomorrow night is Troop (the older crowd 15-18 although i think the oldest we have is 16 or 17). I think i'll be talking on standing in God's strengh in the midst of trials and temptations.
Oh, James, the young guy who was worried about moving away from the group got news that his folks have decided that if he's old enough to stay in London then he's old enoough to stay in Bognor! So Sara was happy about that tonight. Also i heard James was really happy to hear i'm staying on as well. it's just amazing how God has prepared hearts for this time, and it leaves me speechless to see it all just unfolding!

Anyway, off to bed now. I may get back over to Portsmouth tomorrow to see the D-Day museum...or not. I don't really know. thank you for reading this. it's such a great way to get out thoughts and stories, and even though i'm so far away from home i at least feel some connection with this. come visit if you get a chance!!