Nothing fancy, just me

The changes life brings...

2009-10-29T22:35:00.004-05:00

"We are marvelously able, as humans, to assimilate this thing we call change-- on this side of heaven it is inevitable. It doesn't mean, however, that we will ever really become accustomed to it or even like it. We much prefer what we know.
The Lord has set eternity in our hearts! We are designed for a never ending, dynamic relationship with the Father-- our only true constant! It's just how we are wired." -Stephanie Bradac

The above is a quote I heard this evening from a friend of mine living in Atlanta. Funny how she's miles away, and yet shared something so profound to my current state. Let me explain:

In 2007 when I was living in England, I can vividly remember sitting in front of a computer screen in the Vineyard fair trade shop about a hundred yards from the sea. I was reading an email about a boy in my home church who had been diagnosed with cancer, and the call was going out to pray for him. As I sat reading that email, I knew that boy was in a great church family. What I did not know was how profoundly his story would impact my life.

After I returned to Oak Park in January of 2008, I began a process of returning to serving in church (which has been recorded through out this blog). Part of that journey was taking up the volunteer leadership of the Junior High ministry.

One particular Sunday morning (after I started leading the Jr. hi) I was sitting in class waiting for the students to arrive. As they trickled in and we began chatting about random things, I remember the distinct sound of foot steps hopping up the stairs, and in walked a boy with dirty blond hair and a surfer necklace with a tee shirt and shorts, and sporting a hat that I wished I could wear. He introduced himself and I thought "The boy who fought cancer while I was away!"

Alex Smiley is his name. he has a laugh that can brighten any room, and an ability to speak to just about anyone. Age boundaries do not apply to him, unlike quite a few his age. Alex became somewhat of a staple to our group. His humor, his vocabulary, even his questions about God and what it all means to follow Him were amazing to me. He even offered his talents as a bass player in the youth band toward the end of the 08-09 school year.

In the house group I attended in 2008 I had the opportunity to get to know his dad, mom, and younger siblings. During the starting process of transformation that our church is going through, his mom was in my work group. His dad plays guitar in our Sunday morning band. As you can see, I got to know Alex and his family fairly well. Erin and I were even asked to go babysit while the parents were away one evening. Alex was there to hang out with us, and we left feeling amazed at the relational ability that Alex showed.

Then in May (If I recall right) he returned to the hospital for a routine check up on the cancer. He had been healthy and fine for several months. But this time was different. The cancer wanted another battle and Alex braved the challenge. Along the way his church family stood with Alex and his family as best as they could. Countless prayers were said, and everything that could have been done this side of heaven was done.

Then on Thursday, October 15, I got the news that Alex had passed the night before. After the chemo, Alex had a very weak immune system, and contracted a virus. Alex's body just couldn't take it.

I know there are those out there who are grieving Alex's loss more than I am. But to me, Alex was a spiritual son. It's funny because people use that term sometimes when talking about youth leaders. We have "spiritual" children, and it's usually packaged in nice words and fuzzy feelings. But let me say that when your spiritual child passes, it brings a whole new dimension to youth ministry and the impact that one leader can have on a young life.

Last Friday I found myself performing a first: sharing some memories of my spiritual child at a memorial service. It was a hard night to say the least. With his mother, father, and siblings all weeping in the front row, I stood and shared how I had the amazing honor to know this boy, and how I am amazed at the things I learned from his life.

I know that Alex is 100% ok in heaven. As my friend Stephanie said, we are amazingly able to adapt to this thing called life, but for however well we adapt, it doesn't always mean we like it. I don't like losing Alex. But I also know it's not a goodbye forever. I know deep in my soul that I will see him again, and that gives me comfort. It isn't easy...there are times when I want to scream in anger, laugh with no control, and cry my eyes dry all at the same time. But underneath it all is the comfort that Alex is Ok, and we'll meet again.

May you be blessed to know someone who's laugh can brighten any room, and who's questions about life simply astound you. May you know the joy of teaching a child that they have not only the choice, but the ability to change the world with their character, words, and smile. And may you know that long before they pass on to the next life.

Till next time,
Paul

Tense, relaxed, tense, relaxed....

2009-09-10T22:08:00.002-05:00

So it's been a while since I've posted. Let's recap what's happened this year:

Started the year dating a wonderful girl. Erin and I were engaged around the first week of February (officially, that is). I turned 29 in April and am kissing my 20's goodbye each day. I enjoyed my 20's for the most part, but I hear that 30's are the new 20's (whatever that means).

Right around March I started looking for full time work. Working for the church was great, but it was not full time and as marriage loomed on the horizon, I wanted to venture into something new. Little did I know that it would be a 6 month drought on finding work.

Near the end of June, Erin and I got married :-) We spent 10 days in St. Lucia and about 5 days in July camping in Michigan. Summers off is not a bad gig, let me tell you.

But alas, our summer fun had to come to end sooner or later. Erin started work not too long ago (end of August) and I was still searching. In June, a week before our wedding I took a test to be state certified as a Paraprofessional (a teaching assistant is the job I was shooting for).

So as Erin started work, I was looking at just about any suburban school district that would take a "green" teacher's assistant. Little did I know that something was stirring in a bit of a familiar location.

I've been to Erin's school a few times to see her class (special education, really great kids). Just a few days ago, the other special ed class at Erin's school called us to say they need a male teacher assistant to come help the class. I didn't think too long on whether or not to take the job :-)

I started today. A full day in the class assisting the teacher, checking the work, and relating to young children with special needs. It was even picture day at school, so I got to take one of the children to get his picture taken. The young lady who took his picture was so patient with him. I don't know how, but she knew the exact moment to snap his big grin and great pose.

But all this is really interesting for me. Let me explain:

I was home schooled. I don't mean a year or two here or there, it was all the way through. I sat at home in Elementary school and high school. I didn't really set foot into a classroom until I was 21

So for me this is almost all new. And it hit me this evening. I've been a bit insecure about the job. Can I learn it? am I going to be what the class needs? But really, I'm insecure because on some level, I feel like I'm learning it all for the first time. That's crazy for me. a 29 year old elementary kid? wow.

All in all, I am confident that it's going to work out. I am excited because Erin and I get to eat lunch together. We get the same holidays off. We get to go to work together and come home at the same time (most days that is).

I am happy that tomorrow is Friday, because then I get two days away from the class to let what I'm learning settle in. We'll see how it goes, but like I said, I'm confident it will work out. It's a great school, a really good district, and Erin and I are on the same schedule. I really can't complain at this rate.

Till next time,
~Paul

Spending my inheritance...

2009-03-03T13:26:00.002-06:00

So over the last few months, I've heard this said:

There are three levels of life that we can experience. The first is the aspect of the curse (at the fall of man in Genesis). Living under the curse can be described as, no matter what you do, you can never seem to get it quite right. The next stage is the concept of sowing and reaping, or what goes around comes around. It's the idea that you get what you worked for. But the third stage is what really has caught my attention. It's the idea of inheritance, where someone else did the work, but you get the benefits.

I took this before God in prayer and started asking for my inheritance. At first glance it may seem like the Prodigal son asking for his inheritance and then running off and wasting it only to return to his family in a very depressed state.

But what I'm talking about is my spiritual inheritance in Jesus. When Jesus died, rose again and ascended into heaven, he did the work for me that I could never do. And then he commands us to go and do the things he did: healing the sick, cleansing the leper, driving out demons, binding up the broken hearted and yes, even raising the dead.

So this idea of my inheritance in Christ has been burning in me for a while. It's like it's been in a cocoon stage inside of me, morphing me from a caterpillar into a butterfly. If you've read this blog over the last 18 months, you can almost see the morphing going on. And now, dare I say it, it's bursting forth.

This past Wednesday to Saturday I was in Redding California at a prophetic conference with two others from my church. I must say, I thought at times that the conference was good at best. We were in the overflow room, which was nice, but when it came to prayer times we felt it was hard to be a part of what was happening one room away. We did get some prayer, and God showed up in some cool ways (a friend of mine broke her wrist a few years ago, and we prayed for the bones to be fully re-aligned, and they were!) so it was not a fruitless adventure at all. But my prayer through out the event was "God, I want to look back years from now, and see that after this conference, something radically shifted in our relationship." God heard me, I'm sure.

This past Sunday at church, I had a word about people feeling that some areas of their life are in death. Financial, emotional, even areas physically. I sensed that God was wanting to bring life when the verse came to mind that Jesus said "I have come so that you may have life, and life to the full." After second service, Ian got up and shared the word, and that if anyone wanted to hear from God, they should grab Dan or me because we've been to a prophetic conference. As I stood at the front of the sanctuary, I looked behind me and there was a line of about eight people waiting to talk to me. I thought "Lord Jesus, you gotta be with me, cause I can't do what you can." With that, I started to pray for people, and here's a rundown of some things that happened:

A friend of mine was in tears as God was restoring joy to her. God was saying that he saw every tear she shed, and that He was moving to bring the joy back to her life.

Another woman came for prayer and I asked her if she needed anything specific. She said no, so we prayed for God's blessing and inheritance over her life. As I was praying, I felt that God might be saying something about her heart, but not her physical heart. After asking if she had a broken heart she and the translator both were shocked. She did indeed have a broken heart, and God wanted to heal that. After prayers of healing and forgiveness she walked away with a huge smile on her face and new found freedom.

I had the opportunity to pray for two married couples. Both of those times were filled with encouragement, and I felt honored to be used by God to bless them and confirm some things that God was stirring in them.

But the most profound event was praying for a Spanish speaking woman. I asked her if there was anything specific she wanted prayer for, and she said she was hoping I could interpret some pictures that God had given her. The first one was of a flower blooming into life, The second was a volcano erupting and the last one I really didn't know how to describe it, so I set it aside in the faith that God would reveal it to her.

I thought that the first two sounded like they had to do with the life cycle. But more specifically, that God was wanting to bring in new life to some area over her life. We started praying about new life, and I got a weird sensation in my stomach. I asked if she had anything going on in her stomach or near there, and she said she had a tumor there and that it was cancerous. Over this past weekend, one of the speakers said that cancer is an inferior name to Jesus. So with that in mind, I started praying over the tumor and commanding it to go in Jesus name. The woman looked shocked, and started saying "it feels soft, it feels soft" after praying about three times over the tumor and the cancer, she said she felt no pain, and that it felt better than ever before. She also asked the translator and me if there was a man who was praying for her at any time, because she felt someone come up to her and lay hands on her back and pray "more Lord, more Lord" I told her that was God. I believe that God healed her then and there, but obviously I'm not a doctor. I asked her if she could go see the doctor this week and get it confirmed that the tumor is gone. I haven't heard from her yet, but I hope to see her again on Sunday :-)

God is amazing. And while I sit and type, I can say that not everything is sorted out in my life, but God is stirring up this inheritance that has been on my heart for years to see, and I believe it's not going to stop any time soon. I believe we're even going to see dead people coming back to life. It's a bold vision, but I believe that God is calling His people to be the hands and feet of Jesus, and as we go He is with us and we'll see that nothing is impossible with God.

Till next time,
~Paul

These moments that are fleeting...

2009-01-29T01:06:00.002-06:00

So early this week I had this revelation: i am a finite being. i'm not going to last forever in this body. Now, this may seem obvious to you my readers. You may be saying "of course, we all are made that way." But this was a different level of revelation. This skin that covers me, this heart that beats with life inside my chest, and all the billions of thoughts that whirl through my head are not going to last forever,and one day this body will give out and I will breath my last and go on to eternity.

Since 2004 when I felt the tug of "pastoral" ministry on my heart, I knew that a day would come like no other. A day when I would have the honor and the privilege of standing in a hospital room near the bedside of a hurting or possibly dying human. I knew that it wasn't just a possibility, I knew in my heart that one day I would be asked to go pray and encourage the sick and dying. I had thought it would be an encouraging event...I looked at the "positive" sides of what it would be like.

When I arrived at the church office to check in with them about what I need to do while they are away to a conference, I heard that another Vineyard in the area had contacted us to see if we could send someone to Loyola hospital to pray and encourage a man who was sick and possibly on his way out.

This week, our pastoral staff and our office staff are away, so the email went out to our intercessors to see if anyone could go and be a kingdom ambassador for this man.

The situation was this: a 24 year old male, with a 6 month old boy, and a fiancee was in the intensive care unit with a bacterial infection on his aorta, and it had reached a life threatening level. The doctors aren't sure if he's going to make it.

And as I read that email, I felt a slight tug on my spirit to go. Suddenly that day that I thought would come was here...funny how moments that play out so well in our minds can be so different when they actually come about.

I was thankful to not go alone. An old friend of my family who attends my church here in Oak Park called to say he heard about the situation and he wanted to join. So with that, we drove over to Loyola to play our part in a intervention of God's goodness.

As we drove, the sobering thoughts of the situation settled in. We prayed that God would go before us, and guide our prayers. The thought began to dawn on me that we can't do this in ourselves. While I had thought that when this day came, that I would be able to give some encouraging pep talk, or some "christian-ese" language to help brighten the situation, the reality was that as I began to think about it and what I might say to his fiancee or his parents, the words seemed inadequate as they rolled through my mind.

Walking through the halls of the hospital was even more sobering. I had never been to Loyola before today, and I was very surprised at how clean it is, and how well managed it seems to be. We found our way up to the intensive care unit, and met the young man, lying alone in his room, watching the television.

At 24 years old, he was probably one of the most pale (if not the most pale) person I have ever seen. I couldn't help but think that this guy shouldn't be here. Of all the places for a guy his age to be, this was not anywhere close.

As we prayed, we asked for God's goodness and his healing. I knew in that moment that a miracle was possible, but it wasn't going to come from me. We needed God in that room. And as we prayed, I believe this man had an encounter with God. I had the impression of the word "freedom" as we were praying, and afterwards the sick man shared that it was drug use that landed him there, potentially at death's door.

He began to tear up when he shared how he had realized that the next time he uses drugs may literally be his last, and he doesn't want to miss out on the life of his son and his fiancee. I told him that I got the word "freedom" and that I wanted to pray for that. We prayed again before the nurse came in to run some tests. We left him with a contact card in case he wanted us to come pray for him again, and said farewell.

Walking back out to the car, I couldn't help to think about what that must be like for him, and the impact it must be having on his whole family. Life is finite, indeed, and while this young man knew it was his choices that landed him there, I also know that no one knows when their time will come. Life is full of fleeting moments, and all we can do is take advantage of the time we do have and be thankful for it. I for one am thankful and honored that I could have some small role in bringing God into this sad situation for another human being.

Till next time,
~Paul

Major tranisitons...

2009-01-27T22:59:00.003-06:00

So this past Autumn, life got interesting. After jumping into the relationship with Erin, I found myself re-thinking about what it means to be in a relationship, and more importantly all the things that God is calling me out on.

The whole story of how Erin and I started dating can be summed up in this: I wasn't romantically attracted, but then God happened. And when God happens, it's hard to ignore...

While there was no burning bush, parting of the sea, or any other physical trace of God moving, I was sure that God was on the move. I think more often than not, God is moving behind the scenes, and we only notice it's Him because it's that thing, that *IMPOSSIBLE* thing, that suddenly IS possible, and it's staring us right in the face.

If you had told me back in July, that I would be dating Erin, I would have had a lot to say about it, and not even a hint of what I would say would give any trace that I thought it was possible. In fact, by late August, I was done with dating. I didn't want to think about it. I actually loathed the thought of going through the motions of having to "prove" myself to another girl. I thought for the longest time that I would have to prove something to "her" (either with money, or feelings, or my intellect for example). But then God happened. All summer long, a relationship was developing, and I had no idea until that day in early October that God had been working all along behind the scenes.

And then six weeks in to dating, I realized that I really get along with Erin. For lack of a better word we have fun. What I mean by that is that in every level of conversation we have, I see life blooming. Even in some of our moments of disagreements, there has been that feeling of life blooming. That to me is fun. The thought of spending the rest of my life with her is fun. I want our future to be enjoyable, and with God in the mix, I believe it will truly be an adventure.

So that realization brought on another transition: why not probe the idea of spending the rest of our lives together? As we talked it over, we came to see that we're probably as ready as we're going to be to get married. It's exciting to me because we aren't in our early 20's with the questions looming large of what we want to do with the rest of our lives, or wrestling with college debt, or considering how we're going to live out the rest of our days. We both feel that marriage is a journey that we want to embark on together, and that leaves me totally amazed. God has truly done a marvelous work behind the scenes and I for one, am very thrilled to watch it start to unfold here and now.

I recently came to the end of my (paid) role at church. I knew all along it would be temporary, and while there is part of me that looks out to the road ahead with some uncertainty, I believe that God still has a plan. Waiting with baited breath for the next stage to unfold isn't fun. The stress is disheartening at times, to be totally honest. But then there are moments where I realize that I am not alone. God has put wonderful friends around me who are praying for me, and I am confident that God knows what he's doing, even when I struggle to understand, or keep my faith.

Hopefully the next day or two will tell what I need to be doing to prepare for the next part of this journey. I wonder what I'll say in 6 months when I look back at this entry?

Till next time,
~Paul

Catching up...or trying to

2008-12-12T23:51:00.003-06:00

So a LOT has happened since my last post. And I wish I had actually posted as it was happening, but alas, life has gotten away from me once again...

Christmas time is at hand, and what can I say?? I am still totally amazed at God. It was about a year ago that I took that last flight home from England. I was so sad a quite a wreck.

But now after a year of re-learning some my values (God, friendship, trust, community and ministry) I can honestly say that I am excited about life, and the future that lies before me.

Back in May I attended a youth retreat with the 10 and 11 year olds from our church. The retreat was a blast, but more than that, little did i know that one of the other leaders would become such a joy in my life.

Since May, she has become a friend, a wonderful partner in youth ministry on Tuesday nights, and a joy beyond description in my life. She has laughed with me, challenged me to grow, and encouraged me, and I have come to do the same for her.

I can't tell you how awesome it is, learning to communicate with someone. Honesty and speaking what's on my mind has been something i thought I was used to. But this is a whole new level.

Not only have I come into a volunteer leadership role with my church, I am now walking in a whole new level of relationship and dare I say it-at a place that I have never walked before. And God has had His hand all over this. When I first met her, i wasn't romantically attracted. I knew her brother kind of well, and over the years I knew her parents in a peripheral sense at church, but I never really got to know her until this year, and for the summer and all the times we spent with working on the video announcements at church and hanging out with mutual friends, i was never attracted at a romantic level.

But then something changed. God stepped in and spoke. And as He spoke, I felt that the curtain on our friendship had been pulled back to reveal what was in the making behind the scenes. I saw how she felt, and what God was asking me to consider. And in that moment, I was speechless. I spent the entire summer around her, feeling 100% comfortable in my own skin, and every time we spent around each other, I had a real laugh. That was part of the healing for me...just to have a friend who I was not romantically interested in and felt the freedom to laugh around and be ME was huge.

In other news, we had an awesome junior high retreat near the end of November. We had about 12 young people come along to a camp in Wisconsin (about 2 hours away from Chicago) and we had a really good time of meeting with God and building relationships. I am very excited at what God is going to do in the second half of the year. We have a really wonderful group of young people, and they have not only so much potential for leadership tomorrow, they are setting examples for the rest of us today.

In short, I am re-discovering a passion for God and His plans for my life. At the end of December i will be ending my role as part time office assistant at Vineyard Oak Park. I have a few leads on jobs, but I really want God to open the next step. We'll see where that is. Please keep praying for me :-)

Till next time,
~Paul

Summer heat, Engram, and good times...

2008-08-08T14:06:00.002-05:00

Can I just start by saying how cool God is? Since last summer, I've really become a fan of Psalm 139. I love the New Living Translation:

1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.

2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.

4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.

5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.

6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"

12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!

18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

and skip on down to verse 23...

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

I read this, and I can't help but think that God knows me better than I know myself. That translates into that God knows exactly what I need to get through any issue facing me. This revelation has been a HUGE comfort to me at times over the last 8 months since my return from England.

This summer has gone really well overall. When I sit and think about the different place I was at this same time last year, I'm totally amazed.

I've been blown away by God's goodness. when my old cell phone was falling apart, God opened a door for me to get a new one. I've been mobile with a car, I have wonderful housemates, and cool place to call home. I've had no major worries this year, and the restoration work by God in my life leaves me speechless at times.

This past week I took part in Engram, our yearly youth project here at our church. One of the major ways that God used me was at the Friday night session. I was asked to join a team of people who would share words of knowledge with the youth. I asked God what he wanted me to pray for and one word came to mind: suicide. It brought tears to my eyes to think of what it must be like at 15 or 16 and really feel that the best option is ending it all. I felt that last year, and that's a point I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Between Friday night and Saturday I prayed for 3 different people over that issue. Hearing their stories and the hurts that led them to feel that way about themselves was staggering, and yet in the midst of it I was amazed that God used me to bring some hope and healing to His children.

During the week of Engram, I almost r an myself ragged between giving oversight to the outreaches and being trained in the office to cover key areas while one of my co-workers is away to Mozambique for 3 months. The upshot though is that I'm now a full time employee of Vineyard Oak Park! Haha, it's better than being an intern!

I can't believe that summer is almost over! Starting in September, I'll be leading the Jr. hi program at church! I'm really excited to be doing this. I've really enjoyed the small roles I've played in various youth projects since I've been back (Toronto, Engram, Vacation Bible School) but coming in to the new role as a leader really excites me overall (haha, it is YOUTH MINISTRY after all, so there are SURE to be some tough challenges ahead!).

Anyway, I think that's enough of a rambling update for now.
Till next time!
~Paul

The journey continues...

2008-06-16T13:40:00.003-05:00

So a bit ago I posted on "A Crisis of faith, and the journey toward redemption" and shared about the experience of England.

Now it seems, I see a little more of why I'm back in the states.

Part of me has come to realize that I miss England, and knowing what I know now I would have stayed. But God knew then (as He knows now) that I did the best with what I had to work with. And maybe in that, God intended for me to be back now. Here's what's happened:

At my church here in Oak Park, our senior pastor has resigned. Before you get all wild and crazy with shock, it's nothing "bad" this time around. But it is still sad.

Over the last 12 years Dave and Anita Frederick have led the Oak Park Vineyard. They helped shape the church from two churches that were merging, to the current size of about 400 or so. Over the years they have seen many people come to Christ, get healed, get married and have children. They have poured so much love and encouragement into the lives of the people who currently attend and those who passed through on their journey of faith.

The Fredericks have also had their low times with cancer, other health issues, a death in the family, and moving a few times from here to there and back again as well as tending to the pastoral duties required of them. In short, they have not had much room to breathe.

The other sobering aspect is that often the pastor who helps grow a church finds that he or she has a differnt skill set than what is needed to carry the church past a certain point. I think we all know that nothing lasts forever this side of heaven, but that doesn't make trasition phases any easier. The Fredericks have recognized these issues with an amazing ammount of humility and grace. I can vouch for them, and say with certainty that they have put the needs of the church above their own even to the last day. They are my heroes, to say the least.

I have been very honored to know the Fredericks over the years that I have been around at Vineyard Oak Park. I have seen all three of their children in the youth group, and the kids have taken on a faith of their own that is encouraging, warm and amazing in the face of the "usual" happenings of pastor's kids.

I've known about the resignation for a few weeks now, and it's been a tough reminder of the reality of ministry. Sometimes you know things before other people, and due to various circumstances or other details you have to keep under wraps. Ministry is wonderful at times when people get healed, or experience a major life change by the love of God. But there are other times where ministry has to be handeled much like a corperation or organization. It's the side to church life that no one really enjoys cause it can smell at times of "organized religion" but at the same time it is crucial to running a church.

So last Thursday the news broke to the wider church that the Sr. Pastor's are resigning. The news was met with several questions, and overall the meeting went very well. While my first reaction to the news when I first heard it was to not even want to hear it and be emotionally shut off (cause it brought back a flood of undealt with emotion from England) I have come to see this as a hard thing, but a good thing.

This time I had forwarning. I had the assurance that this time around, I am not alone. I have people I can talk to, and the best part of all is that the story has hope behind it. Sure the Fredericks are stepping down, but there is hope that after a year of re-working through their strengths and weaknesses, they could be leading another church that needs to benefit from what they have to offer.

All this got me thinking: For has hard as it was to watch the Bognor Vineyard go through the hurts of a leader who made a bad call, there are also times when leaders can do everything RIGHT and still have to transition on to something else. It's not easy, but it does have tons of hope behind it.

Is this why God brought me back here? To see that yes, ministry is hard, but not all leaders step out due to sin or some other flaw...

I don't know what all God has in store for the Fredericks, or me. But I am priveleged to see the view from the inside out. For now the next step for us as a church is to take a few months to grieve the loss. So many people have been touched by the lives of the Frederick family, and it's not going to be a smooth transition. However, it is comforting for me to know we are giving plenty of space to the grief process before we make any decisions on what's next. I'll keep you posted.

Till next time,
~Paul

New Mexico Adventures

2008-06-16T13:24:00.002-05:00

So last week I was away for a few days to see some friends down in New Mexico (I know, you might be thinking "why New Mexico? isn't it more like New Mexican't??" and you would be right, but I'll explain....)

So a buddy of mine, Tim got asked to go play for a youth worship conference by another friend, Ray. Ray is a good guy who we've known for a few years. Ray and his wife left Oak Park Vineyard a few years ago and moved to N.M. Ray is now the volunteer youth leader for his church in Taos, N.M. Two years ago Ray brought some of his young people up here to attend our summer youth conference, Engram (see previous posts).

So Tim got asked to go lead worship, but how did I fall into the plan?

Good question. I knew you readers were smart :-)

I was kind of whining a few months back about how I really wanted to get away. Tim had talked about going to Mexico in the past, and I thought that sounded cool. But as usual, money was tight and it looked like Mexico wasn't going to happen. Then Tim mentioned that he and Ray had talked, and they thought it would be cool for me to tag along. Hee hee, I got the better end of that deal I think. For Tim, it was more work with planning and prepping a talk for the conference. I got to go have my vacation :-)

Well, as plans unfolded Tim got asked to speak for 45 minutes the opening night. I was impressed to say the least when Tim came and asked me to help him prep his talk on "What does Worship mean?" and even more humbled when Tim asked me to help wrap up the talk and pray at the end. Here's a bit more detail after we landed on Wed. June 4th:

Wed. eve we went to Taos to check out the youth group and talk a bit about what the next few days would look like. It was great to see familiar faces as well as new ones. It seemed they were all really excited to have Tim and I there as guests.

Wed. eve we went back to Ray and Brandy's place and got settled. Their dogs (Sydney and Jasper) were really wild to have guests. Their house is about a 20 minute drive out from Taos, and really close to the mountains. Wed. it was like in the 80's when we got there, and Thursday morning when we woke up there was 2 inches of snow on the ground! I tried to get pictures with my camera, but the batteries died on me :-( so I was slightly sad that I had all these great ideas for pictures, but no way to take them.

Thursday we had Brandy's car. We drove to Ray's work and posed as two delivery guys with a box for Ray that we needed him to sign for. It was funny when Ray came out to see us. The whole place laughed when Ray said he knew us and started taking us around to meet his co-workers. Ray gave us a map and some really good ideas of places we could go to see (the day was still fairly cloudy and cool, so we weren't really motivated to do much sight seeing). We did drive into Taos and had a bit of a walk around. The place is kinda boring with loads of art galleries that look a lot alike. We saw a few galleries and I was like "didn't we see this same art in that last place??"

Thursday night was the start of the worship conference. Tim and I opened with a bit of worship, followed by teaching by Tim and wrapped up by me with a time of prayer and then more worship led by us (I played hand percussion, which went OK, but I really wanted a drum set!). After the session we went out for ice cream with the youth, and had a great time just chilling. We then watched a movie at Ray and Brandy's before bed.

Friday Tim and I hiked around the Gorge that's just outside of Taos, and then we went to meet up with Ray. The Pastor was talking to Ray at the church when we got there to meet Ray, and James (the sr. pastor) offered us jobs if we wanted to move to taos. Without laughing too hard at the idea, we told james we would "pray" about it, lol. I think he knew we probably wouldn't but he made sure we knew the offer was always open. We left the church and went to Brandy's work to drop off her car. I went in first and pretended I was there for a meeting with her for insurance quotes. The lady who greeted me bought it until Tim and Ray walked in. I had a whole prank worked out, but I didn't get to play it. Probably a good thing.

Friday night was more worship with a message on worship by Ray. It went well and after the session we got to pray for a few people, including the Sr. pastor's wife who had a back injury due to a car accident a few weeks ago. She didn't seem to get healed, but she was open to prayer which was cool.

After the session we went back to Ray and Brandy's with a few of the young people. Ray and I had to go back to the church to get something for one of the youth. While we were there a homeless guy came up and started talking to me and Ray. We got to help him a bit with items to make his night a bit more comfy and we even got to pray for him. We really wanted to see him at church on Sunday, but I guess he lived out in the far reaches of town, so maybe he didn't get a ride back.

We hung out for a bit with a few of the youth and some stand up comedy that one of the guys had on his computer, and finally kicked them out at like 1am.

Saturday some of the youth went over to a local park (in Taos) with instruments and we hung out, sang a few songs and played a few games. One of the guys brought his family dog (it actually was a HUGE animal, and when I first saw it I said "who brought the polar bear!??")

After that we had a pretty free day so we went and took a bit of a nap at the house. We were invited over to the Sr. pastor's house for dinner with their family, which went well. Sunday was church which Tim and I led with one of the youth. After church there was a "family meal" kind of like a church pot-luck, and then we had to head out to our flight. We said our goodbyes, and I could tell that some of the youth and adults we pretty bummed out to see us go. I knew we had a good weekend there and that God really used us to get them thinking ourside the box on what it means to worship God in everything.

Our flight home was a bit crazy due to weather in Chicago (almost 8 hours on a plane that normally takes about 3!!) but we got home and as I look back at the weekend, I'm really thankful that God used us to bless people and help build the church.

End of entry part 1

Weekend fun, new adventures and the night sky

2008-06-01T21:26:00.003-05:00

I love summer weather. I love the sun, the warmth and the reminder that new life is always in the air.

I was away this past weekend on a 4th and 5th grade retreat (as a guest speaker/ leader). We had about 11 or so kids going, and it was AWESOME. We went to the Lake Geneva Youth Center, and had a full weekend of activities.

Friday night, just after we arrived I spoke on Ps. 31.7 and shared that it's ok to have feelings. It's ok to feel sad at times, and that in everything we're feeling we need to be able to trust God. I was a bit bold and said that God won't ALWAYS take away our sad feelings, but He is always there to be with us in whatever we're feeling and to comfort us. I felt really good about it. It was interactive and the kids participated really well.

On Saturday we had a great time. After our morning meeting we went to the zipline (about 20 or 30 feet off the ground) and had an amazing time. Let me just say, in my mind every one of those kids are amazingly bold. When I was that age, I was so scared of roller coasters, or anything off the ground with speed. I actually conquered my fear of coasters at age 14. for these kids that's another 4 or 5 years away. So for them to take the risk of climbing a long ladder, standing on a TINY platform in the wind, and then jump off and trust the line to carry them to the end was so cool.

After that we went over to the gym and played a bit of dodge ball while some of the other kids went down to the water and played around in the canoes. We then went to the Giant Scream Swing. The Giant Scream Swing is a large swing(as you may have guessed) that's about 70 feet off the ground. The swing is raised by wench, and it carries 3 people, and once you get to the top, you have to pull this cord that releases the swing.

I went with two of the guys, and the first two times we had minor issues with the release hook, so it actually DIDN'T release! They finally got a new part in, and took us back up a 3rd time and WHOOOOOOOSH!!! away we went. It was AWESOME, and every kid there was so brave to ride that thing. I was really shocked by the lesson in faith that was there. It took a lot of faith to get on the zipline and swing and trust that everything was going to hold up and that the rope we were given was going to carry us through to the end. What a major lesson in faith! In England I had to trust that as thin as the "rope" felt at times, it was enough to get me through. And I will always be grateful for those friends that I had who stuck with me, even when I didn't know how to talk about how I was feeling. They were there to support me in what ways they could, and that is no small thing. Sometimes, we just need people who are willing to sit with us and not say a word (like Job's three friends when they first came and sat with him).

last night Dan was the other guest speaker and he did SO GOOD! We had a time of soaking (which is just getting comfortable and focusing on what God wants to say to you with some God-focused music on in the background). I think most of the kids were challenged and impacted by that as well. I know I for one loved it!

Overall, I was really pleased with the weekend, and God totally showed up and rocked my world with a new passion and fire for getting back into ministry.

To further challenge me, I am going away this Wednesday to New Mexico (just like Old Mexico, only a lot less fun!) for a youth conference. I'll be going with a buddy of mine from church and we'll be staying with a friend of ours who is a youth leader of a church in a small town called Taos. I can't wait to be out with the stars at night.

I used to love going out to see the night sky when I was in England. There was even one night where I saw a meteor shower. Something about the vast expanse of the sky at night fills me with wonder and awe. I find a lot of comfort in the wonder of the creativeness of God in nature. I love the mountains, the sky at night, and wandering through the forest. I love riding horses, going swimming and generally enjoying the outdoors (away from the big city). But I also love the social times of city life. This is where my friends are and my roots. I wonder if I will ever be able to re-plant somewhere else?

There are moments like this weekend, where I feel that life is such a beautiful thing, and it's a sharp contrast to where I was 6 months ago. I don't want to live in my comfort zones, but I also don't want to be pushed to those limits ever again. Is there some way to live between these "life is beautiful" moments and the "I'm done with life!!" moments? I hope so...

Anyway, My parents are coming to see me in a week and a half, so this next month is sure to be a good one. We'll see when I post again :-)

~till next time
Paul

A crisis of faith and a journey toward redemption

2008-04-21T23:21:00.003-05:00

So for a while I have been thinking how to share this. I guess a "precursor" to the rest of this entry is that some words, thoughts and descriptions won't REALLY convey the whole situation. For a while I think that's why I did not want to share this here, because the thought was that in the retelling, I'll feel that most (if not all) won't REALLY get the depth of the situation. I could go on ranting about the frustrations I have with the disconnection that can come with sharing deeply personal trials, but for now I'll conclude the intro.

So, in reading the previous posts, you have some sense of my personality and some of the issues that I faced while away in England. But the story has more to it than a simple "it was challenging" answer.

Last year (2007) around mid May, our assistant pastor came forward and confessed to an affair. This hit a lot of us hard. This wasn't expected at all when I started my year, and while there were challenges, 2007 was looking like a promising year overall. What hit me was that I felt a strong connection with him and his family. His wife had migrated to the UK from South Africa and I felt that out of anyone at church they understood how hard the re-planting process could be.

In short, when that happened I lost my main roads of social support. I value my social life, and the people around me to a degree that maybe some might not understand, but being in a country where no one knows me, or how I grew up, or my family history or ANYTHING about me, I began to feel very alone.

As the summer unfolded, I was trying to keep up in ministry while feeling it was hard to really recharge or talk about the building emotional pain. By July, I had spiritually run myself into the ground. I was serving because I thought "that's what a pastor does, you just keep going because it's what people expect". I was doing things FOR God, and totally missing the relationship that God was wanting to have with me.

I eventually got a bad cold during the last big event of summer, and felt terrible that I was present but unable to really serve in the capacity that I had committed to. All this going, going, going and not taking time to REALLY sort out my heart really began to weigh on me. Burnout hit probably in August sometime, but I ignored the signs (the growing anger and frustration, the fatigue in my spirit and emotions). Eventually in all my "serving" my faith and resolve to survive was slowly dissolving.

I hit "bottom" sometime in October. I was serving at our weekly Alpha course, and as each week went by, I was growing more and more restless in my soul. I was really angry because people were sharing how good God had been to them, and how much He loves people, and yet my experience was telling me something else. Finally one night I came home after Alpha to an empty house, and I had it out with God...

I thought "God, you know all things, and nothing is hidden from you. So you had to have known when you called me here that this year would play out like this." I was angry. Livid in fact, at the thought that God had filled me with such hope, enthusiasm and expectation at my arrival in 2006, and here it was a little more than a year later and hope and faith were all but gone. What kind of God allows that to happen??? God is love??? Give me a break. He's misleading, he's withholding information and distant when I need him the most. Those were my thoughts, and in that lonely moment there were two sad options before me. Either stay in England, find some other job that I won't be passionate about and hope to somehow stick out the toughness of the situation and keep fighting, or return to Oak Park. The idea of return seemed a bit more appealing, but it also felt like I was abandoning the fight, and even though I felt so ragged and worn and forgotten in the midst of all the pain that people were feeling around me, I wanted to stay and fulfill my commitment.

As I was lying there in bed that night, I was lost, lonely, and depressed. I felt defeated even. I told God "If I don't belong in Bognor or Oak Park, then take me from this damn rock of a planet now!" I awoke the next morning, and found that God didn't strike me down. The next few weeks I contemplated how I might make my own exit from life.

Somehow, I made it through and returned to Oak Park sad and empty. I still had lonely days after my return and even now I am still unsure of the future (but the Zoloft is helping, I think). But the one thing I do know is that my heart is still in ministry. I still want to see the King and Kingdom come and move on earth as it is in heaven. Does God love me? Absolutely. Is God good in all He does? YES (the Bible says so, and if I'm in this, I can't just abandon the promises of God). Does that automatically mean that He will keep me from experiencing the consequences of others actions? ...not really.

God has an interesting way of restoring. In the midst of the wrestling and working out my faith after almost losing it, God has shown me signs that He's still beckoning me on to that relationship.

This past Sunday at church I was up front for prayer. I noticed a woman who looked in pain who was asking our Senior pastor for prayer. I watched them for a bit, and I could tell she must have had some accident with her right ribs (cause she was holding them during prayer). I thought to go over and join in the prayer, but then I thought "naw, the pastor has this one. If he comes and asks me to go pray, then I'll take it as a sign from God and go." Well, it was only a matter of time :-) Sure enough, I was asked to go pray, and probably the most amazing miracle happened.

You have to understand, this woman took a fall in the shower this past week and landed her ribs on the edge of the tub. The look of pain on her face before prayer told me that she had at the very least, bruised the ribs (if not fracturing them). She couldn't even laugh without wincing in pain. After prayer, she said she felt that something had moved in her ribs, and she was laughing, smiling and moving with normal function! Tell me God doesn't care! :-)

So, this all presents an interesting issue for me. I'll tell you now, most (if not all) my current issues with God are probably selfish. I don't want to see another church crisis or be alone like last year ever again. But I also have to reconcile these issues with who God is showing Himself to be in my life and in the lives of those around me. I tell you, this isn't easy, but I also understand that all these experiences have to be for some good if I am to get "back in the saddle" of ministry.

I also have to reconcile my feelings with the reality of ministry. I won't always "feel" up to the challenges. The experience of burnout and the related issues may not be the last time I experience that (and that doesn't sit well with me). But is that not a reality I have to live with? I can't (nor would I like to) go and just bury my head in the sand and just pretend that everything is all peachy for the rest of my life. But sooner or later, I have to reconcile these issues, ya know?

At least though, for the moment, Hope is returning, and faith is being restored. Everything isn't all going to be worked out in a day or overnight, and I'm not done with sorting these things out, but I guess I felt the need to be honest and just lay it all out there. At least for now, I am starting to see that I don't need to walk this alone, and the lessons of England will continue to unfold as life goes on :-)

Till next time,

~Paul

11 days shy...

2008-04-01T22:58:00.004-05:00

So I'm turning 28 in a little over a week. It's interesting, really. Do I FEEL 28? no...not yet. Heh heh, it's a little too close to 30 for me. Not that 30 is really BAD..it's just...older. 30 sounds like a person has wisdom and something solid to life. I don't know, I guess this entry is going to be a bit of a ramble.

I mean, after 25 why keep track? 16 you can learn to drive, 18 you can vote, 21 you can drink alcohol (lol, legally!) and 25 your insurance goes down. But between 25 and retirement, it just seems...anti-climatic.

I guess 28 isn't so bad. Maybe this year I'll actually go skydiving :-) I always take stock of my life around my birthday and I ask myself if I'm at least OK with where I'm at. The last few years it's been a yes. This year is...a bit of uncertainty. I was out earlier to walk my cousins dog (I'm back temporarily in the neighborhood where I grew up) and I was walking along the old route my family used to walk our dogs on. My how things have changed in the years since. Sure, there are the obvious changes, like houses looking slightly different, and the area that's under construction around the hospital. But as I was walking along and looking at all these things, part of me felt a twinge of sadness. The inward changes are pretty staggering too. I wonder if the changes in me are as noticeable as the physical changes to the neighborhood?

It's interesting to look at the changes of even the last year. A year ago I spent my birthday on the English seafront with friends listening to the seagulls and waves, having good conversation (and I thought that was where I was going to be this year). Funny how things change. Last year I wanted to be with American friends for my birthday...this year I miss England.

I was talking with someone recently about some of the reasons why this transition has hurt so much. He said that it's a blow to my identity, in that some people DO something for work. They clock in and they clock out and they can remove themselves from the work. The hard part about being "pastoral" or in "ministry" is that part of your identity is wrapped up in what you do. And if that work comes under stress or other hard experience, then it hits deeper. I thought "so true".

I guess birthdays are a time for reflection, but they are also a time to look ahead. I never thought I would have had the kind of experiences I've had by this time in my life. I've seen the beauty of the Canadian Rockies, I've been to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, I've grown up in Chicago, I've lived in England, I've seen the nightlights of Tokyo, and the extreme conditions of poverty in Haiti. I literally have friends around the world, and I know what it is to feel like the most forgotten person on the face of this rock of a planet. And for all that experience and the highs and lows of my life, if I died tomorrow I would probably be one of the most grateful souls to enter heaven. I look forward to many more adventures on the road ahead, and I'm thankful for all of you who have shared the journey with me (in spite of my current state of sarcasm and teasing).

Till next time,
~Paul

All this feels strange and untrue

2008-01-29T17:50:00.001-06:00

Sorry, just listening to Snow Patrol. There's a line in one of their songs that this entry title comes from.

It's crazy to think that I've been stateside for over a month now. WIthin the job hunting, socializing, and general re-adjusting, is a mixed bag of feelings. As I refelct on my time in England, I have come to realize how much I was challenged in so many ways (spiritual, mental, emotional, physical) and all within a culturally different context.

It's very weird because in my first months of transition to England, I felt like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole. Now that I'm stateside again, I feel the same thing is true as I try and pick up with life again.

It's funny because I find that I miss the people I met in England very much like I missed my stateside friends over the 15 months I was away. I guess it's not too surprising when I think about it, that's probably the way connections come and go. Only this time I didn't really think I would be back in the states to live so soon.

I had hopes of staying in England for a while (a lot longer than 15 months). When I left in 2006 it seemed like a very good place to leave life here. I was done with the internship, I was done with VBI training, and it seemed the world was waiting for me. I had hopes that working abroad would be rewarding with growth challenges along the way. I thought I was prepared for the challenges, and when I returned in December for my Visa in '06, even then part of me wanted to stay here because Oak Park seemed so comfortable and safe. But more of me was curious to find what was going to happen in England. It seemed like a great chapter was about to unfold, and the only way to read it was to go and expereince it.

I know there will be a day when I look back at the England experience and thank God so much for it. But where I stand right now, I look at it as a very tough year, and if I had to do it over again, I would probably choose not to go. Does that mean I don't apprciate the time I had there with friends and the church? No. The people are what made it so speacial, and I hope to stay connected with them somehow for the rest of my life.

I guess what made it so hard for me is that I am a relational person. I like having friends, and within my group of friends I usually have two or three people that I can really count on, and who I can really open up to about what's really going on. And the reason I can do that is because I feel they understand me and what makes me tick, so to speak (and vice versa).

The major challenge of my year was that it seemed that the people I grew close to in that deeper way didn't stick around for very long. As the year went on, I found it harder and harder to REALLY confide in people, the way I was used to in the states. I began to feel very alone by the time Summer came to an end, and feeling alone and trying to lead people is something I can't do very well. I don't have any complaints against people in England, it's just the way things happened and in the end it seemed to make sense that I should return home. Maybe I didn't want to really confide in anyone because as I said, it seemed people I grew close to didn't stick around.

But now I'm stateside again (it's not really "home" becuase I don't know where home really is at the moment) and rebuilding life is hard going some days. I guess I presume that others don't really understand what my time in England was like, because I'm not sure I fully understand what it all was for. Somehow God has a plan with it, and I really want to see that unfold.

In the meantime, I'm taking time off my "pastoral" role, and I'm looking for work that isn't really in any leadership position. I may have a part time admin post with my church, and on top of that I'm looking for other work too. Long term I hope to get back out into the pastoral scene later this year. But for now, I'm focusing on readjusting and reconnecting with people here.

"ALL things work together for the good of those who love God"

Till next time,
~Paul

Bgonor to Arizona

2007-12-21T16:09:00.000-06:00

Time is a funny thing.

When you're "bored" or doing something you're not interested in, time seems to move so slow. But the flip side is, when you're doing something you really enjoy, time can feel like a cruel beat that marches on and waits for no one.

Such is life, I guess.

As I sit here amidst the lovely surrounding hills and distant painted mountains, I can hardly believe that I spent 15 months in England. My last week there was very surreal. I knew that the clock was ticking, and days soon passed into hours, and the hours to minutes.

That last sunday was especially heavy for me. After the service, I was called up front for a "sending off" prayer. As people started to pray, I felt a weight lift from my shoulders, and I was really struck by the sense of "this is it, it's done. No more straining, or struggle to make it through the year in England". Some of the year has been captured here in the blog, but for the most part, I know that there are no words to convey the joy, pain, struggle and excitement that I experienced in my year abroad.

That last Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday all had seperate leaving parties for me. My last tuesday was spent mostly in Cambridge with really good friends, and the rest of the week seemed to fly as i made the rounds to say farewell to so many people. At the farewell party on Wed. I was really surprised by the turnout of so many people who I now not only know by name, but people who I have spent time talking with, laughing with, crying with, and praying with over the last year.

My last night in Bognor was a really good lasting memory. Some of the University students planned to attend the annual winter Snow Ball, and I was invited to go along. With the live music, and general hang-out atmosphere, I soaked up every last minute of life in England with some of the people who made the year laughable and even more than that- actually liveable when I was at my lowest.

It's very weird now to be out of England and back home in the states. I see more of the cultural differences now than I did last year, and I am thrilled to be looking ahead to the next step. But there is also a part of me that misses Bognor. I count myself very privileged to have the expereince of living in another culture, and expanding my worldview. Of course in that experience, it was the people that made it so special.

Now it's another interesting chapter. Where does the road lead next? Who will I meet? What IS God doing with me, anyway? All very current questions for a lot of people, I think. Only time will tell...

Till next time,
~Paul

Two weeks and counting...

2007-11-30T09:27:00.000-06:00

WOW. So it's been just a little while since I've posted here, and if I'm honest, I haven't REALLY been that enthusiastic to post another update. I wonder why that is...

But where do I start? Last entry was a high note after Slum Survivor. Since then, I don't really know how to fully explain the experience of phasing myself out of my role here and finding flights home, and actually realizing that, NO REALLY I am leaving my life here for good. Some days it's rather exciting, and I am filled with wonder at what awaits me when I return home. What does God have in store next? And I can't wait to see people I haven't seen in a year, and hear all that I've missed and how people have grown since we last really talked.

But then some days its not so exciting. For all the stress and tough moments of this year, I have invested in this church, these people, and this community, and vice versa. There is a debt of love that I have to these people that I know I will never repay. I had hopes of laying longer term roots here. How can I really put into words what it's like when I'm trying to move on? Underneath the funny accents and the odd customs ("Baked beans on toast? Eww..." You mean I have to have a license to watch TV!? in my country you only need a license to do something dangereous like drive a car, fly a plane or own a gun!") I have made friends with really fantastic people. It's difficult to think about moving on to something else.

Rudyard Kipling has a line in my favorite poem that has played in my head a lot these last few weeks:

"If you can watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools"
"If" -Rudyard Kipling

Sometimes in life, for whatever reason (growth, change, maturity, etc.) we have to stand back and leave something that feels incomplete. It's all part of life's experiences that shape who we are, and more imprtantly, who God intends for us to be.

If I had known what this year would have entailed, I would have opted out. Call me crazy, but I don't like having my faith, my heart and every aspect of my life tested to it's limits. I'd rather do something that I can handle, or have a bit more control in. Human nature I guess. But does that mean I think this year wasn't worth it, or that everything I've been through was for nothing? I wish you could hear the deep resounding NO that echos in my heart. I may not know it now, and I may not know it in this life, but this year produced something in me that probably would not have happened in any other circumstance. I guess God had his way of bringing me into it, and He had all the plans to make sure I survived.

I look forward to coming home to family, friends and church. Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouragements, and I hope that you have been as blessed on this journey of faith as I have.

~Till next time,
Paul

My Slum Survivor experience

2007-10-30T06:21:00.001-05:00

Many thanks and loads of gratitude for your prayers over this past month!

This past weekend we held our first Slum Survivor event. We partnered with some of the youth form a local church (Yapton free church) and on Friday afternoon we met up to start work on building our slums. The weather wasn't perfect, but it could have been a lot worse!

Soul Action (a partner project by Tearfund and Soul Survivor) have done a remarkable job in spreading the word about the poor living in slums. According to UN figures, 1 billion people currently live in slums around the world. They also project that if nothing is done to relieve the situation, that number could double by 2030. Throughout the Bible God speaks of His heart for the poor and that we as Christians are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus in reaching out to them. When Paul first set out on his journey form Jerusalem, he says that the disciples were pleased to send him and that all they asked him to do was to remember the poor. His response "The very thing I was eager to do" has been very inspiring to me as I have worked on this project with the young people.

The weekend felt very long, and there was a lot of ground to cover in the various ways we were challenged to remember the poor. The only food we could eat during meal times was rice and chickpeas. Very often people living in slums do not have enough money to maintain a healthy diet. Compared to how much money is spent in western society on McDonald's and other easy food options, it was a very sobering experience for me.

Another thing slum dwellers have to live with is the uncertainty that at any time their home may be demolished. Most slum communities are not legally allowed by local governments, so if they decide to build a mall for example, they will go in with bulldozers unannounced and start crushing the slums. Slum residents have only minutes to gather their few belongings and run. To simulate this, we had the pastor from yapton and the pastor from Vineyard come by and decide which slums at random to demolish. We all had 3 minutes to clear our belongings out before they started. As we waited in a concealed area away from the slums, I was a bit more nervous than I thought I would be. When we came back we found that one of the girls and one of the guys slums had been completely taken down, and the guys slum that was torn down was mine! We rebuilt it a little better and got on with the rest of the weekend.

Our youth really took the weekend to heart, and they even said that next year they wouldn't mind it to be a bit more challenging! Most of them said it really felt like camping, and they felt that more could be done to simulate the real slum experience. Oh, and as far as money raised, as of Sunday it looked like we hit at least the £ 800 mark, or about $1600. Money is still being sorted, so it may be that we end closer to the $2000 mark. For a weekend, that's not bad at all!

Sunday morning I shared at church for a few minutes on how the weekend went. In spite of being tired and not being very clean, I felt very inspired to share how much I admired the young people for taking on the challenge, and what the Bible has to say about the poor. A lot of people gave very good feedback, and overall I am very pleased with the seeds that were planted this weekend.

As we move on from this experience, we could use your prayers. Please pray that God continues to water the seeds that were planted this weekend and that the fruit that we're already starting to see would be protected.

Thank you again for your prayers! Without you prayers I am very convinced that this weekend would not have been the same.

God bless,
Paul

Taking steps...

2007-10-08T10:44:00.000-05:00

I love books. I wish I had more time to read these days, cause sometimes there's nothing like sitting down to read a really good book.

There's a lot that makes a book stand out from the rest. The characters are relatable, and easy to understand, no matter how complex the story becomes. A great book will make you laugh, cry and experience a whole range of human emotion before the last chapter. A great book gives twists and turns that you didn't see coming. Characters you love suddenly die, other characters find redemption, and sometimes the bad guys get away, just like in real life. What makes a great book great is that it causes us to pause and really think about our own short exsistence on this planet. Great books contain love, heartache, defeat and triumph, and when you finally put the book down you know that on some level, you've been changed.

That was my experience the first time I read the Lord Of The Rings trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien when I was 17. I had the unfortunate accident of dislocating my knee, and my doctor signed me off work for two weeks to let the swelling go down. To pass the time my dad and I would spend evenings after dinner to read the trilogy out loud to each other, each taking a chapter in turn. Never before had I been drawn in by such a great story, and few books since have reached that standard in my opinion. The story is dynamic, and I love the way events flowed from one chapter to the next.

And funny enough, life is like a great book. Each year is filled with hopes and dreams and some years we find that our hopes and dreams are met beyond what we thought, and some years we find that it's just like reading a difficult chapter in a great book.

I'm looking at my life now, and in an odd way I'm happy with where I am. I'm in a difficult chapter, but as with a great book, things have a way of getting better. And from a Christian standpoint, I know how the book ends.

After weeks of praying over my situation and my future, I've come to see that if I stay in England, it would be to please others. I would probably find some work (if I got the visa to do so) where I wouldn't be very passionate, and I would probably define my success by how others thought of me. It wouldn't be the first time that's happened since my arrival. It's kind of hard to keep going as well when you feel that hope has proven as good as wishful thinking. I need to get my sense of hope and direction back, and the only safe place I know of is with people back in Oak Park.

I love the people here. It has been a real hard year of growth for everyone, and yet my heart is calling me home. After the ups and downs of this year I feel I need a safe famillair place to recharge and "de-brief" as one of my friends here put it (I wanted to get rid of baggage this year, not pick up more of it! :-)

Change is happening left and right these days. We have two new DNA students, both very different from the one's we had last year, so they should be able to branch out in new areas as well as help lead some more "solid" aspects of church life. The youth are soon to be taking on a new leader, as over these past few weeks one of the other leaders in the church as stepped in to build a core youth leadership team.

I will continue to play out my role until December when I return home. In that time we've got one last major event called Slum Survivor (Soulaction.org to find out more) which is a weekend designed to build faith and raise awareness of the 1 billion people living in slums around the world. We're doing that at the end of this month, and we are very excited at the potential.

Leaving here is not easy, and I know some here won't like it. But it's the end of a chapter for me, and I think signs are pointing to moving on. So many wonderful memories I'll take with me, and I hope I can return again to Bognor and have the experiences here that I wish I could have had this year.

Thanks for reading, and all your support :-)

Till next time,
~Paul

The challenge of taking risks

2007-10-02T04:38:00.000-05:00

John Wimber once said faith is spelled R-I-S-K. The Bible tells us faith a substance that is unseen (Heb. 11) and that for believers it is impossible to walk the jouorney without it. Faith sometimes means taking a step and then knowing that you're on solid ground. The journey of faith looks different for each one of us, but I think some of the lessons learned are the same all around.

When God speaks, it's a good thing to listen and follow as best as you can. The amount of grace that God must have for us is really staggering sometimes to think about. In basic terms in a relationship with Jesus it's you (in your weak human state) and it's Jesus (totally perfect). The lessons I've learned this year have come mostly through finding out how NOT to do things. On the one hand there is God who has called me here and has a plan and a purpose for me, but the other hand there's me and try as hard as I might I have my failures and I feel at times like I'm stumbling through this journey. In the midst of feeling like a failure, I find there's so much grace to carry me through (though I admit I don't always see that grace right away and thus make the choice to deal with my percieved failures in a spiritually unhealthy way).

Let me explain what I mean:
At about the half way point through my internship at Vineyard Oak Park, I took a short survey that helped me map out (or understand) my work personality, or how I approach my job. The thing I remember the most was that I'm a minimal risk taker. I gather as much info as I can before I make a calculated decision how to proceed to A. find the best outcome and B. keep everyone happy. I won't take on a task that I think I won't be able to finish. Some people flourish with ideas for projects and that's where they thrive. Others thrive on the execution of plans or ideas and they love to take on a challenge. I thrive on a job well done. When I finish a task I like to stand back and know that it's been finished to everyone's liking.

When I first arrived here in England I had the confidence (over confidence, maybe?) to take on the task of leading the youth. I thought that with my two years intense training and four total years of serving the youth in Oak Park, God was calling me on to the lofty heights of REAL ministry ;-)

In the this year there have been more challenges than I expected. There are probably a number of reasons why things didn't go the way we hoped. But in some ways, that's life. You try some things and some things work, others don't. I think because of my work personality, I am taking this a bit more personal than I should be.

So what's next? I feel I've poured my best into this year and right now I'm pretty worn out. This past sunday I didn't want to be at church. I somehow got through it (even getting through the youth class was rough). I still feel that I have a calling in ministry, and I really want to pursue that. But how do I keep pursuing something when I feel I can't even function well in my current role?

Thats the downswing of the circle I feel I'm running in. Some days I'm rather excited at the idea of moving on to other things and I see that God may be calling me out of here sooner than I expected. But all in all I still don't know where I'll be after January.

So that's my life as of now. What a year it's been. Please do keep praying for me and that I would keep going with whatever God has in store.

Till next time :-)
Paul

Future options

2007-09-07T09:42:00.000-05:00

Well, after the craziness of New Wine, Soul Survivor and YOB camp, life is finally settling down.
Each event had it's own challenges and frustrations. But overall I think they went very well, and we are very excited to see the fruit that develops from each one.

One highlight for me at Soul Survivor was during the last night. We were praying for one of the young people who had pain in her jaw and in her ears. It was affecting her so much she had to move to a quiter venue to listen to the main meetings. I got a few people around her to pray for her and as we were doing so God began to speak.

The back story here is that this young person has had a tough summer. Her parents are currenly seperated due to her father having an affair, and overall it's been hard for her to take. As we were praying I felt God saying that He isn't angry with her, and that she is loved very much by God. As we prayed this over her, it was clear that God was meeting the needs of her heart. It's one of those moments when everything that I've been through this year seems worth it. All the callenges financially, socially, and emotionally can seem so easy to bear when God show's up in the life of a young person like that. This young person doesn't usually show emotion around people, so I knew the tears were real and that God was doing something amazing. I don't think it solved everything for her, but I do believe God started some process of healing, and I am excited to see how that continues. Oh, the pain in her jaw and ears was healed too.

Since being back from the end of summer events, I've spent the last week recovering from a head cold. I really managed to run myself into the ground with all the running around I've done with the programs, so that's been kind of a bummer downside. But God has had something to say about that too. A lot of what He's been showing me is that I've been doing things for Him instead of with Him. On the surface they can seem very much the same. But the difference I think lies in the heart. And the heart issue has really begun to show in me.

These past few months (or most of this year for that matter) I've said yes to a lot of things without really taking the time to think them through, or much less pray about them. The result is doing things that look good, or make other people happy, and end up just burning me out. As I sit here today at the one year mark I feel most of my personal expectations for this year have been let down.

While good things have come from this year (like building better relationships with the young people and making friends here) there have been a lot of taxing cirumstances as well, and it's hard to say that it balances out. After meeting with Jan yesterday, we now have a bit more of a plan for the next three months. Overall the year has been good, but not as great has it could have been, and for where the church is wanting to go, we're not sure if I'm the right one for leading the youth. So as of right now, I will be stepping away from the youth pastor role in December. It doesn't mean I can't stay in England, it doesn mean though that my role will drastically change and if I stay I'll have to find alternative means of doing so.

Pleas pray for me. At the moment I'm very tired emotionally and feel very split over my two options (either I find some other way of staying, or I go back home to Oak Park and weigh my options for work back in the states). I'm feeling a bit stessed at the moment and I really want God to show me what He wants me to do. Part of me wants to stay and see what God does here, and part of me longs for Oak Park and just being with the people who knew me best.

Sorry if this all seems a bit depressing. It's been a hard experience and I'm a bit frustraited over the current situation. But God is in control and whatever He wants to do I'm sure will be for a good purpose.

Till next time,
Paul

I think I'm spending more time in a tent than in my house this month...is that nromal?

2007-08-16T08:30:00.000-05:00

Wow...what a month!!

After new wine, I'm now gearing up for Soul Survivor. With all there is to do over the next two weeks, I wonder if I'll even make it alive to september!
Anyway, here it goes:

This Saturday the 18th four churches from Bognor will leave for Soul Survivor, a yearly christian festival with a number of events going on with the aim of encouraging young people aged 12 to 19. I believe this is such a needed event in the lives of so many young people. Recently in the news results were given from a study of young people in this age range, and when compared to similar studies done in the rest of Europe, a few key things stood out to me:

Young people in England have been found to be the most violent. In all of Europe, British teens have the the record for committing violent crimes, and one look at the BBC news really brings the reality home. A huge factor of this is due to such widespread underage drinking. One of the papers here today reported that kids as young as ten are getting drunk, and the knock on effect is that as they grow up without the discipline needed, they form a lifestyle of "anything goes".

British teens have the highest teen pregnancy rate. Underage relations is happening in just about every culture, but in comparison to other countries here in Europe, the scene is worst overall here in Britain.

These are just a few of the problems facing young people here, and I believe the only real hope they have is in the gospel. Please pray that our time at Soul Survivor would bear good long term fruit in the lives of everyone going (the leaders as well as the young people).

After Soul Survivor I will have a few days to reorganize myself for the next event: YOB camp. This is an event that we at Vineyard are doing for kids aged 7-11. Again, there is a real opportunity to teach and to share who God is and we need your prayers. Please pray for me specifically that God would use my short talk on the sower (Matt. 13).

After YOB camp and sometime in September I will be reviewing my contract with the church here. I don't know how this is going to go, but as of right now I think it may fall to me to decide whether to stay or move on. Please pray that God would show me/us what He wants to do.

Please pray for the weather to be kind and not rain over these two weeks! I don't mind camping, but camping in the rain just isn't my cup of tea. Please pray for my attitude as well. I know that when I get stresssed I can be a sour apple to be around! It'll take an act of God for me to be pleasant with all that's happening right now :-)

God bless! I miss you all and am looking forward to Christmas and coming home to visit again!

Till next time,
Paul

Post New Wine and pre Soul Survivor

2007-08-10T08:56:00.000-05:00

It's amazing what a week away can do...

On July 27th I arrived at New Wine (a large Christian conference. John Wimber had a pretty big hand in some of the direction of new wine years ago). This year I thought it might be a good idea to apply for serving on a team (team members go for free and have most of their meals taken care of during the week). Back in march, it sounded like a good deal to me.

I had no idea that I would be in a dry place in life. At the start of the week I was pretty drained and didn't feel like serving. A situation all too familiar if you have spent anytime in just about any capacity of service. Just another time of forgetting why I serve and what my motives should be.

As the week progressed though, the leaders were very encouraging in the time we spent on our own to be refreshed and recharged. Most of what was said in the main sessions for the young people and in the team meetings in the mornings really resounded with me. By Thursday night I felt like I had come back to some familliar place in my personal walk with God, and felt more equipped to serve and pray for the young people.

One of the consistant themes they hit on was the fact that being at New Wine (or any big God centered conference) is time spent in a bit of a bubble. While being away gave me some new tools and perspectives on my life, I find that coming back to reality is quite difficult. I'm still waiting on God for direction and giving the best I can in the way I serve. I really hate em, but low points are great teachers too. They show me that I need God more than I ever thought I did, and I find to at times I'm really surprised by how much God does through me when I'm feeling low and have nothing to give. I'm also aware that for as bad as things seem with me, I don't have the worst of circumstances to contend with.

It's been hard at times to find people to really confide in. While I do have friends here and people who I can share a laugh with, it's hard to find someone I really connect with. If you know me you know how much I value that connection. It's in my personality...I may be a bit introverted, but the ones who I do open up to are very dear to me and I value that bond very highly. Heh heh, I love being an INFP...

I had a fairly relaxing week though since coming back from New Wine. As hard as it was being on team, I've taken most of this week off to recover. I can't believe it's friday already, but I guess time stops for no one. The plus side is that the rain is holding off and we may have a bit of a dry spell here in the wake of all that flooding. I'm glad I live near the coast. Did I mention that Bognor has recorded the most hours of sunlight in the last 100 years or so? Yeah, pretty sweet...

I hope this finds you all well. It's the best way I know how to communicate, so my apologies if it seems impersonal and distant.

Till next time,
Paul

Friends from Brazil and 24 hours of prayer...

2007-07-17T09:43:00.000-05:00

I heard a joke recently. It goes like this:

Donald Rumsfeld enters the Oval office to brief the President. He says "Mr. President, I have some bad news. Today in Iraq, three Brazilan soldiers were killed." President Bush turns white as a sheet. He begins to sob, and sob. In the midst of his tears, the President is trying to find the words to describe how terrible he feels. After a few moments, he finally composes himself. After a brief moment, a puzzled look crosses his face, and he leans over to Rumsfeld and says "Exactly how many is a Brazillion?"

This past week was a tough one for me. I have been here 10 months, and somwhow I imagined that by this time I would be at ease with the pressures of leadership and the weight of responsibility. I thought that my heart for home would have lessoned, and that bonds of trust with new friends would be grounded. But some things in life don't really go as you plan, do they?

So last Wed. I was feeling fairly down. I went to go visit one of my newer friends named Guga (pronounced Googa), over at the Baptist church. Guga is from Brazil and has been in the UK for 6 years now. As we talked about the challenges of being in ministry, I gained some new perspectives.

Guga shared that for his first year here he didn't know the language, and had very few friends. He said that for the first year here, all he could do was watch and listen and learn. He had to learn the culture, the language and the way things are done. I could hear in his voice that life was a struggle in that first year.

After spending days praying and pondering my situation, I came to a point of realizing that God may have other things in mind for me, and my plans may need to take a back seat. What that all means, I don't know. I do know that with an uncertain short term future (the next 3 to 6 months) I'm once again waiting on God to give direction.

The nice thing though, is that I have some down time between now and the Big Three of summer. Our youth night on Wed. is on break for a bit, we just had our last Youth Alpha this past Sunday, so that really opens up a few nights for me. It's a welcome change of pace to say the least.

This past weekend we had a 24 hour prayer weekend. Kate (one of the DNA students) really had a heart for 24 hour prayer when she came back from a trip to Germany about 7 weeks ago. It was amazing to see her take the lead and pull together a rota to cover each hour in prayer from Friday night to Sunday morning. I can't wait to see what God does in response to the prayers this past weekend.

Please do continue to pray for me and the church here. It's been a hard few months for us as a body, and the strain is hard on everyone at the moment. I believe that God is faithful, and his Love and grace will always endure even in the toughest of circumstances. I believe that together with your continued prayers will we make it through this season of challenge and change.

I hope this entry finds you all well and enjoying life wherever you are.

Paul

Life is grand

2007-07-11T08:07:00.000-05:00

It really is. After this past weekend of mud, paint ball and go-karts, I was feeling pretty shattered (english word for worn out, or super freakin tired like you never knew tired before). paintball and go-karts were my fav. Y'know, living in England is an amazing experience. New people, new location, new challenges. it's great when I'm actually enjoying this. Being out with the young people for lunch, playing games of pool or crazy golf (mini golf for you fellow yanks) and even going to the odd movie with friends is great.

Recently I've been challenged to step even further out of my comfot zones, and start helping out with Fuel, our tuesday afternoon kids club for ages 6-9 (roughly). In the last month I've been involved with age groups from as young as 6 to 21 year old uni students. that's just one of the small steps I never really thought I'd be taking. But what if it wasn't all peachy? What if under the surface, something wasn't right. What if I told you that if I had known a year ago what it all would entail to be here, I would have said "no"?

What about those days when it's stressful, I didn't get enough sleep, I miss my friends and my family back home, I'm barely making ends meet, I have not really left Bognor Regis (for extended holiday/vacation) in over six months, and underneath it all this really frustrating feeling that it's not good etiquette to tell people back home how draining it is to be in ministry! Sometimes it's hard here because I can't find people to really relate to my situation. I can't find the words to describe my challenges, fears, and the weight of responsibillity. Some days I feel I'm starting to crack...

This past weekend at the motorsports day, one of the guys there was talking about how God gives life to the full. That we don't need to worry, we can give our cares and stress to God, because He cares and wants to deal with them. That's easier said than done. What about those times when life is more challenging than you feel prepared for, and you know that as passionately as you've been praying, things won't turn around over night? What then? There has to be something more. Nobody said being a Christian was easy, and I'm sure that as of right now, some of you reading this might want to jump in and say something positive, encouraging, or uplifiting. My intention isn't to aks for sympathy. Our lives can seem so much easier to someone else, and if they would just see it from our perspective, they wouldn't feel so bad....yet the challenges we face are unique to each of us.So then, what is my intention? I just want to get this off my chest. I can't do this alone.

See if you can relate with any of the following I've been feeling recently:
I'm too young for this,
I'm not experienced enough,
No matter how hard I try to stay on top of what needs to be done, there is always something more,
I'm too stupid,
I'm too weak,
it's really hard trusting in God,
No one understands me,
I wanna quit and go home,
If God gives life to the full, why do I feel like my life is anything but fulfilling?
I miss home, and yet I know that when I see everyone again life won't be the same...The list could go on and on.

Maybe this isn't new. Maybe I've always been a bit like this. I know I have a history of wearing my heart on my sleeve, so some of you might not be surprised to be reading this.

So then, why stay? why endure it?Because of hope. Over the past two years or so, I've had words or impressions either in personal prayer times or where others have been praying for me that I would go through a challenging experience. More of a challenge than I expected, but that in the end God would make it more rewarding than I expected. So it's the hope that in spite of the hardship, there has to be something that God is doing in the midst of it all. Maybe even a bit ironic that while I have some areas of life that I have a hard time trusting God with, I'm still not giving up hope that He hasn't forgotten me.

I knew a very good friend who once said "You have to be tenacious in pursuing God. You can't let anything of yourself get in the way of meeting with Him, and you need to do whatever it takes to keep pursuing Him". Thanks Ian :-)

So there it is. My crapful rant. Such a mix of enjoyable moments (which I'm sure I'll remember for a lifetime) and stress almost enough to make me pull my hair out (speaking of, I found my first gray eyebrow the other day...I have never plucked an eyebrow before, but I thought it might be a good time to start....it really hurt!)
I hope this finds you well!
Paul

Paintballs, mud, and Jet skies!

2007-07-06T09:59:00.000-05:00

Yeah, those are fun.
Tomorrow some of the men from my church are going on a day away to a place called Life Discovery. It's a Chrisitan based event where guys get to have fun doing a load of stuff (4X4's go carts, jetsskies and paintball to name a few of the day's activities). The main goal of the day is actually for non-believers, to show that we are Church go-ers, but we aren't afraid to take risks and have fun.

I'm excited. In spite of my knee probably making me a darn good target in paintball (ok, more of a target than usual :-) I think the day will be a load of fun and good bonding time as well.
Other than that the big news is all the planning for the big three events of summer: New Wine, Soul Survivor and YOB camp.

New Wine: This is a family oriented week away.A number of people/ familes from church are going to this event. It's loaded with guest speakers and christian artist and fun stuff for the whole family. I signed up to serve on the Youth team, but as of this entry I haven't offically heard if I'm on or not :-) We'll see how that unfolds...

Soul Survivor: I might have mentioned this before, but Soul Survivor is the big youth event of the summer. 5 churches here are going, and a good chunk of my time these last few weeks has been preparing for this one. We had a great meeting last thursday of the youth leaders in Bognor, and we came away very excited about meeting more regularly to encourage and support each other in our shared call as youth leaders in this community. We have about 8 -10 young people going from Vineyard, and they are all very excited over what God has done in years past. I'm very excited to see the relationships and faith rise from this experience.

YOB camp: This is Youth Of Bognor Camp. Young people ages 8-12 will be away for this week to learn about God in a fun and active environment. We had a leaders meeting a few weeks ago and it was a great time to talk and share about the expectations and plans for this event. I hope that by this one I won't be too worn out, as we are leaving for YOB camp two days after I get back from Soul Survivor!

The weather here has been rain, rain, rain and more rain. Today is the sunniest it's been in over a week and a half. Our church camping last weekend was canceled due to rain :-( and there has been a lot of flooding up in the north regions of the country (suddenly people realize it's not a smart idea to build houses in flood plains). I've been wearing jeans and long sleeves these past few days, and it's JULY! It's supposed to be warm! Oh well....that's england for you! I'm sure you all back in Chicago are enjoying the summer heat...

The universtiy students have all gone home for the summer, so socially things are kind of slowing down. It does give me a great chance though to spend more time with the youth, and this has been really wonderful. Yesterday was the second week of meeting for lunch and a chat, and we look forward to more times to talk, pray and socialize.

Not everything has been peachy though. We've had our times of trials (leaders stepping out of leadership) and dealing with the fallout has been very difficult for a lot of us. Stress and rough nights of sleep have been common for a few of us as we are growing in new areas of following God. This church may be a world away from most of you reading this, but as part of Christ's body we need all the prayer we can get. The road has not been easy by any means and behind the smiling pictures and happy faces has been intense trials and at times a severe longing for home. But God has been so good, and the stories of His faithfulness are sure to be what I remember for years to come.

Till next time,

~Paul

Summer Bar-b-ques and other events...

2007-06-22T08:28:00.000-05:00

So summer is offically here! It's nice when it's not raining (which seems to be less as of recently) but the weather can move in pretty quickly.

While I'm not running just yet, the knee is making good progress, and I am walking now with no limp. Yes, it's the little things I appreciate these days :-) Over the next few weeks we're coming to the end of the Alpha course and moving on to bigger things for summer. We had the Holy Spirit day last Sunday, and I must say it went rather well! Kate (one of two DNA students and a youth volunteer) did wonderful work at creating discussions on "who is the Holy Spirit?" and "what does the Holy Spirit do?" The comments from the young people in both groups were fantastic, and in some small way we are starting to see some payoff from this course. We have two weeks to go before we finish this round, and I am already thinking of how to run the next one sometime later this year.

Next week on Thursday we have a youth leaders night. There are a few churches here who are sending youth to Soul Survivor this year (the big summer Christian youth conference) and it has been on my heart to gather as leaders to talk and pray about youth ministry in Bognor Regis and to plan out a day when our young people can meet up before the whirlwind of Soul Survivor hits.

This past Tuesday we had a night out to see The Cross And The Switchblade, the story of David Wilkinson and Nicky Cruz. While the events took place over 40 years ago, the message is still really powerful and relevant.

I am really blown away by how far north we really are. I was standing outside last night at about 10:15 and could still see the last light of day fading in the sky. There is still pretty good light at 9pm! It's funny cause I get weird looks from the locals who are used to longer daylight hours.

Overall, I'm doing ok personally. I knew this first year would be a challenge, but there are times where it is more than I expected, and I wish I could convey more to all of you back home what it's really like (both the very good, and the moments where I want to tear my hair out at the stress and frustration). I do miss all of you, and when I do think of you it is with a smile (sometimes in public while walking down the street by my self and suddenly catch that I've got a big silly smile across my face at some random memory in my mind :-)

I hope this entry finds you well!
Paul

A short update...

2007-06-11T09:16:00.000-05:00

So last Wednesday I went to see the specilaist for my knee injury. I wasn't expecting much (I was walking fine without the crutches, and aside from not being able to run, stairs are a minor problem, but generally I'm good).

After a bit of poking and prodding, the Specialist said it looks like I tore the ligament in my knee. So I am now scheduled for an operation to have a tiny camera stuck into my knee so they can see the extent of the damage. While it is nice to be on the NHS (National Health Service) receiving free treatment, the waiting leaves something to be desired. My operation isn't untill November 27th.

By then the knee will most likely be healed, but I'm sure they want to see what the scar tissue is like. The ligaments inside the knee (or any joint for the matter) keep a certain tension. If the tension becomes too loose, then the knee can't function right and there could even be problems later on with scar tissue or arthritis. So I'm sure if I do wait till November, there will still be something to look at in my knee. At this point I am praying for total healing, or at the least an opening to go in for the operation sooner than November. After the operation, they will decide if knee surgury or anything else is needed.

Please be praying for my knee. I'm trying to not let it affect me, but it is a bit hard to take that my summer events here are limited by the physical condition. The whole turn of events is quite a surprise, comsidering I thought I was doing very well.

Other than that, I spent the day at Alton Towers on Saturday (it's a theme park kind of like Six Flags Great America, and while it's not on part with Great America, it was fun to be there). My friend Rex is getting married this Saturday, so a few of us took him out to have some fun at Alton Towers.

Sunday we had a speaker and band come from Hillsongs church. Hillsongs church is a fast growing movement out of Austrailia, and over the last few years they have produced some quality christian music. It was different from our usual sunday morning experience, which was refreshing I think for most people :-)

This week we look forward to the Holy Spirit day for our youth alpha course. Sunday (yesterday) we had a break from the course to listen in the main service with the young people, and I heard one of them comment that she really liked the speaker and actually wanted to listen to him. This rallied her boyfriend to sit in the service as well :-) I'm very excited by those kinds of comments, and I hope this next week more walls can be broken in how the young people view church. Please keep the youth alpha course in your prayers.

Thank you for your prayers! I hope you are enjoying summer and sunshine wherever you are.
Paul

Summertime Fun!!

2007-06-05T09:32:00.000-05:00

So after (what feels like) many days of rain, the sun seems to be up for more sunshine! (although it is amazing how fast the weather can change here! I rarely go out without a light jacket or my umbrella!) This past week was the half term break, so the young people were off of school (some of them went away on holiday with their families) and the uni students have all but reached the end of the year. So I had a lot of time on my hands to say the least. Which was kind of nice, really.

Just over two weeks ago I was out with some friends who are attending the university of Chichester, and it was their last real night before heading off for the summer. So we decied to make a day and a night of it, which was packed with silly fun (mini golf, a few games of pool, dinner and a bit of cranium, one of the craziest board games). It was a late night and about midnight we got the crazy idea to go over to the skate park near the seafront. I had the wonderful idea to run around on the half pipe. What seemed like a silly idea didn't end up so well as I twisted my knee and damaged the ligament that runs along side my left knee cap. Ouch.
My friends were real troopers. They prayed for me right there at my request (I thought I had dislocated the knee again, and I was not thrilled at the thought of going through that again). After resting a bit my friends got me up and helped carry me to a taxi and back to my flat. At this point my friends could have just left me at the comfort of sleeping on my couch, but they insisted on staying with me the night. I was sad that such a fun time was topped off with an injury (a very silly one at that!) but I am still very thankful for friends who carried me and took care of me under the frustrating and painful circumstances.

The next day I went to the ER (A&E as it's called here, for Accident and Emergency) and as I thought, they took x-rays, said I had done some streching or maybe tearing of the ligament and that I would need crutches.

Two weeks later I am walking without the crutches and I am due to see the specialist again tomorrow to find out if there is any serious damage (I don't think there is at this point, but we'll see what the doc has to offically say).

So that kind of slowed me down a bit. I am still playing drums and I've been asked to play drums for cousins of one of my friends here (It's nice because it's a bit of a different atmosphere to play in).

Last Thursday I went bowling with some friends from church and while the leg was a bit of a handicap the first game (I think I managed a 55 the first game!) the second game I scored a 144. One of my best games in a looooong time. I was out done by my friend Pat by two pins. My glory was stolen! :-)

The youth alpha course has continued to go well (thanks for your prayers!!). We are six weeks in and have about 4 more to go. The young people are bringing very good questions and this next Sunday we have a real opportunity to pray for them there and give them an experience that could change their lives. Please pray for the Holy Spirit day to be a success and that God would be speaking directly into their lives.

Overall church life is exciting as we head into summer. I am finding more and more personal challenges, but at the same time I am thankful for the friendships and the trust that is being built. It's a surreal experience at times of being so far from home and the "usual" life that I was used to. Living in England can be close to life back home at times, but it can also feel very different. All in all though, I am enjoying it and am looking forward to more adventures.

Till next time!
Paul

Sunshine and rain

2007-05-17T08:15:00.000-05:00

Well, it's hard to believe it's been 7 months. Over the past few weeks I've been really excited, and there is the potential for so much to happen this year here.

Saturday the 6th of May, about 7 of us from my tuesday night home group held a 1940's themed birthday party. We rented out a hall over in Eastergate and decoreated the room in 1940's style. Food, music and dancing (there may be a very embarrasing video of me dancing posted online at some point in the near future...don't worry, I'll let you know when and where!)

Last week from Monday through Friday I was pretty much out of comission with a head cold. When I was finally better I didn't feel at all prepared for the weekend. Saturday was a very full day with a large portion going to the Holy Spirit day (part of the Alpha course we're running here). Over the last 10 weeks we have run a very successful Alpha course. For those of you who maybe don't know what an Alpha course is, it is a place where people can come and find out about the Christian faith in a friendly and warm atmosphere over a hot meal. I have been a part of the course in a supporting role over the last 5 weeks or so, and it has been interesting to watch the changes that are happening in the non-christians who have been coming along.

Saturday was a big day of prayer and finding out more of who God is. After the day away, I went to a barbeque for one of my friends to celebrate her birthday. I had to leave the party a early to go attend another church event over in Chitchester (ReturnUK). I was quite tired after that, and decieded not to go meet up with another friend's birthday party....so it was a full weekend.
Sunday was church and over the last 4 weeks now we have been running a youth Alpha course. This has been a very good experience so far, and I am convinced this is due to the team really coming together in the support of the vision. we hope to see young people develop their faith and experience the love that God has for them. I can say that so far that goal has been met more than I expected, and it has been wonderful to see the youth growing in their faith. Please pray for this course as we continue on over the next few weeks. There is so much potential for good relationships and mentoring here, and it is our goal to do our part in making sure that growith continues to happen. Ultimately, without God in it, we won't see anything longterm, and I cannot stress how key the longterm impact needs to be.

Recently I have had a deep desire to see more of God. I want to see more people coming to faith, and more people finding freedom from the various issues that are keeping them tied down in one respect or another. I firmly believe God wants to do so much more here in Bognor. Over the last two days however, I have come to discover that the price to pay can be a bit painful. Personally I have been challenged to put aside my pride and my expectations or assumptions of how God wants to work. I don't know if you can relate to the feeling of pushing down pride and the desire to have everything worked out, and going through spiritual discipline...if you can relate then you know what I mean when I say that the more I see of God's plan, the more frustraited I can be at the fact that I need to rely on God for EVERYTHING.

While the challenges can feel immensly difficult at times, I do find that I am consistantly humbled at the many ways in which God shows his faithfulness and confirms that this is indeed, where I am supposed to be. And I wouldn't trade that for anything.

This next week a lot is unfolding. I have been asked to take on more leadership in the trip to Soul Survivor (the big summer youth conference here in England). I'm aiming to get away sometime and hopefully go see France or Scotland. I know the summer will get busy very fast, and before that happens I hope to have a chance to get away and recharge my batteries. Please pray that God opens a door for me to have some good time away and soon.

I hope this entry finds you well. I do miss home and think of you often.
Paul

These past few days...

2007-04-23T10:29:00.000-05:00

Below is a bit of an email report I sent to my parents about what's been happening here. Thought you might like to hear as well. I miss you guys and am praying for you when ever I think of you. Enjoy!

Paul

Saturday night I was at an event called ReturnUK, a christian worship night put on by a really gifted worship leader here who used to attend Vineyard. He now works with Uni students in Chitchester 1 night a week and is a successful web designer. Rex (that's his name)called me last week and told me that if there was one event to bring young people to, this was it. So I invited Sarah, James, and Poppy (three of our core young people...james couldn't make it in the end, sadly) and I invited Kelly, Laura, Kate and Helen from the uni student group. Rex had a guest speaker (Gearald Coates) come along. Gerald kind of reminds me of John Wimber, and like wimber he has started a church movement here called Pioneer church. Seems pretty close to Vineyard to me. Anyway, Saturday was amazing. It started with worship (as it usually does) and then we kind of wait and see what God wants to do. It's all a very relaxed environment kind of thing. And after Gearald shared some things, he asked if there was a Sarah in the room. Now, you have to understand that there were about 40-50 of us in this room. There was bound to be at least two sarah's in the room, or so I thought. In the end, Sarah Morris was the only one, and she went up with Poppy and got a powerful prophectic word. Knowing what I know of Sarah and her heart for Africa and children, I think most of the word was spot on. The word was basicially about Sarah being called to the missions field, and that she has a heart to work with children and that God is going to use that gift to touch thousands of lives. And that Sarah and Poppy are friends for a very specific reason, and that they have a call together to serve God.

After this, Kelly (who's been a Christian for about 8 months or so) came over to me. I was sitting on the floor, and she came up next to me and said that she felt God had a word for me. She said that while Gerald was sharing some things about how to hear from God she asked God "if this is real, can you give me a word for Paul?" and she said the response she heard was so clear, and like nothing she had heard before. The resoponse was "Tell him I believe in him". It got me at first when she said it, and I knew it was God in my heart. I thanked kelly with a smile and was so proud of her for taking the risk to share that. After she went away and started talking to someone else, I broke down crying, cause it was so good to hear. I've been stressing about the youth alpha (we started that this weekend) and I've had a lot on my plate as a young leader and have been asking God "when is it all going to be worth it? when do I see fruit from my sacrifice?" and while that didn't answer all my questions about direction, or about what I'm meant to be doing, it certainly cut to my heart on a lot of things.

Sunday we had a full service. We had two children dedicated and we had 8 people get baptized sunday night. 5 of them under 21, and individuals I work with. We all were so encouraged to see young people taking such a stand in faith. Helen and Kelly were two of the five. Really great young believers, and I am so excited over how far they have come in their faith these past few months. Last monday Helen asked me to baptize her. I was blown away, and was so honored to be asked. I've been here barely 7 months and already I'm honored to be baptizing people! wow.

Sunday night I got a call from Helen. She lives with 4 other students (all female) and one of her housemates (who I'm kind of friends with as well) talked to Helen before bed and said that she thinks she believes in God! Helen called me wanting to know what verses to go to and some steps to maybe walk through. I gave her a few and said that if they wanted to chat more I would be available today before group or after. i was so thrilled to hear of another entry into God's kingdom, and I'm so proud of Helen's testimony and the way she lives her life in front of 4 non-christian housemates.

We also had the start of our youth alpha course. I was a bit nervous of how to take the opener, but I felt good about it in the end. The team is very excited, the young people are ready for it, and I feel confident that God has plans to use it to encoourage, train and equip the young people in their everyday life. Wow. A lot is happenening at the moment!

This next weekend is our annual men's weekend away, and I'm very excited about that as well. Jan has asked me to take a session over the weekend, and I said I was more than happy to do so. I have yet to hear what the theme will be or if there is a specific topic I should go for, but overall I am very honored to have a chance to share something of God in my life with the men.

Wed. we are starting a youth night for younger guys. We have a pretty good crowd (5 or 6) and I hope to see those numbers grow. Jan and I will be leading it, I am a bit uneasy over the first week, but once we fall into a routine, I'm sure I'll be more comfortable with the role.

So that's what's been happening. I'm learning new things and seeing a lot of good come from it, and yet I am constantly reminded of the fact that i am a young leader and in leadership I can't please everyone or get everything right 100% of the time. It's a tough lesson and one I may always have to be reminded of. But for now I'm thankful for this weekend and all that God did!

Birthday Fun!!

2007-04-14T11:24:00.000-05:00

So last Wednesday was my 27th birthday. Kind of funny to think, I'm already 3 years shy of 30!

The day was really good though. One of my downstairs neighbors prepeared breakfast for me. We had Crepe's (french pancakes). It was a good start to the day. The weather was FANTASTIC and I spent a good part of the day out in the sun. Throughout the day I had texts on my phone from friends here wishing me well and I even had a few cards. I now have a nice collection sitting on the mantle at home, and I even got a b-day box from my folks, which was a lovely touch. I went out that night with a few friends and had a nice time chatting and relaxing near the beach. Other friends are talking about taking me out at some other time to make up for missing the day (most of the university students were away on break).

As nice as the day was, I must admit I did have twinges of homesickness as I remembered past birthday's, and I wished that ALL of my friends could have been here with me to celebrate.
This week I'm heading back in to the swing of things as youth and uni students return back to Bognor from different places around the country and the globe (we had a few youth go to South Africa for a missions trip).

As life continues to move forward here, I am still thinking of home. Been dealing with homesickness, and trying to keep focused on the bigger picture. While I would love to be home in Oak Park comfy and secure, I also know that God has something here, and I don't want to miss it.

Yesterday, James, one of our young people met me for breakfast. James has recently returned from America to visit his parents there. After breakfast, James and I went to pick up a couch that he had purchased earlier that morning. It was quite funny, cause neither of us have a car, so we had to carry the couch half way through town to get it back to James' place! We got a number of odd looks to say the least!

Thank you for your prayers. Please keep praying for me to stay focused on God and to find my peace, strength, hope and comfort in Him.

till next time!
~Paul

April Showers...

2007-03-30T11:34:00.000-05:00

well, almost april.

This past weekend I went with two friends (Martin and Debie) up to London to see the sights! It was a very good trip to say the least. We left Friday morning and arrived in London just around lunchtime. I was a bit queasy from the car ride, but I soon got over that (thankfully keeping down the pie and mash we had for lunch).

After lunch we took a walk in to more of London, starting at Tower Bridge. Shortly before we got to the bridge, I was inspired to sing and dance to the song "my little buttercup" from the film "The Three Amigos". This set a trend for the weekend that came to be called a "pob" (public out-burst). We made our way down along the thames river and arrived at the Tate museum of modern art. Me and my friend Martin were quite amazed at the large main hall, and while it probably would have been nice to browse the galleries, we were heavily distracted by the overwhelming need to go down the immense slide (debie took one look at the slide and decided it wasn't her cup of tea). There was a curly slide that went from the 5th floor all the way down to the ground floor- totally free to ride. We had to go and get tickets for it (tickets told us what time we would need to line up for the ride) and we had a little over an hour to kill before we had to be back for the adventure. We took a walk aross the Millenium Bridge and went around a local market for a bit and then made our way back to the museum. After standing in line for the slide, it was Martin's turn. As we were in line the man who wa taking tickets said it was a good idea to wear elbow pads. When asked why he replied "because you can get up to 30 miles per hour in there, and you don't want that kind of skin burn!" I was laughing at that. The ride took a little over 10 seconds, and it was quick. Quite fun too. We also found out it's the longest slide in all of England!

Friday night we went to go see the Lion King on stage. A very good show, and even though we were at the last row of the balcony, it was still a great show and took me back to being 9 years old and going to see stage shows with my family. I even found a 10 pound note on the floor at the theater! It helped later when we took a taxi back to the flat where Debie's mom lives.

Saturday We went and saw the Natural history museum and the Science museum, both really close to Hyde Park (made me think of Chicago!). We got lunch and ate near the water in Hyde Park even though it was a cold and windy day. I don't know if I'll opt to do that again...

We left London at about 3:30 and drove over to Greenwich and saw the Cutty Sark (a famous ship) but it was under construction, so we walked up the hill to the meridian line (where time zones "start"). Took some pictures and then had to be off again!

We were back to Bognor by about 7:30 or 8, went to rent a film (The Prestige) and got some dinner. We watched the film at my place and had a nice time hanging out before our short weekend trip was over.

The rest of my week has been good so far, with various activities with friends (uni students, homegroup friends, and friends from church). Some of the young people from church have left for a missions trip to South Africa for two and a half weeks, so the Thursday night group is off for a bit. In place of that, I have started to attend the Alpha course here, and am looking forward to gaining experience and ideas before we set off to do the Youth Alpha course at the end of April. Along with this, there is a two week break for University students, so some of my friends have gone home for the break. I am looking forward to having some time to do different things and plan new things for the next few months. To top it all off, I turn 27 in less than two weeks!! Wow, my first birthday overseas! Sure to be one to remember...

That's life in a nutshell here. I hope this finds you all well and happy where ever you may be!
Please do drop me a line sometime and let me know how you're doing!

Till next time!
~Paul

Warmer weather and steps of faith...

2007-03-13T09:15:00.000-05:00

So since my last entry, lifes been interesting.

It's been great watching friendships build. I feel like I can forget how easy it can be to connect with people, and I can sometimes even take for granted how my personality works and connects with people. Over the last two weeks it's been great cause all these little moments of connection have added up and I'm feeling a lot more confident and comfortable around people.

My time with my cousin Sus was grand (although the weather could've co-operated a bit more!) and I'll post photos at some point soon (maybe today?) Am at the Vineyard fairtrade shope today, so this may seem a bit disjointed as I am back and forth with customers and typing this...

This weekend was clear weather and my first leaders dinner was Sunday night! Was great to be in a relaxed atmosphere out of church and just talk with people. Moments like that are really special, and I am in awe more and more at the work God has done already, and that I am so priveleged to be around such humble serving people.

What's changing? some of it has been my faith. Recently God has been highlighting some of the ways I have not trusted Him. Sometimes faith and trust for God feels like taking a step up on an invisible staircase. But last week I started each day with a prayer that I would trust God and find more confidence in Him. Since then I've rarely shrunk away from decisions or issues that I've needed to face. God has been showing that He's bigger than my fears or situations. Sometimes an elementary lesson, but one I think we keep coming back to and growing in.

I wish you could experience what this means to me. I've been to the top of the world in the Canadian rockies, and I've been to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, but didn't really think I could be the kind of person to go half way round the world in this way. And the joys have been super amazing, and the challenges have been daunting, but God has been dealing with those and opening my eyes in the process, and I am excited to be an encouragement to people as I find my Joy in God.

This past weekend I felt God reminded me what I'm living for. and I shared this Sunday morning to encourage the church. God reminded me:

When I was 15 I went to my first school dance. I was good friends with a girl who asked me to be her date to homecoming. We had talked that week before of what we would wear and so I had some idea of what she would look like. So imagine if you will, me as a 15 year old, so nervous as I'm waiting in her front room with my parents and trying to make small talk with her parents. After what felt like an eternity, I heard her voice from upstairs saying she was ready. The moment she walked into the room for one brief moment the world melted away and it was just the two of us, smiling at each other. I'm convinced my heart skipped a few beats in that moment...her hair done by her aunt, that beautiful burgundy dress and those blue eyes and wonderful smile staring back at me. I thought "that's my date. That's who I get to dance with and I wouldn't want anyone else in the world". As I remembered that moment on Saturday, I felt that God was saying one day when I meet Jesus, it will be like that moment, only a million times better cause Jesus will be so real. Right now it can sometimes feel like he's just another story in the Bible or a list to follow rather than a person. But I'd rather live for a person than a checklist or story. In this place of finding my faith I'm also finding how real Jesus us. And that's what I wish the rest of you could see.

It's been a bit heartbreaking as well because I know that each person has to make that choice for themself, and sometimes watching those around me seemingly miss who Jesus is breaks my heart. The best I can do for anyone (the young people, the university students, the youth staff and whoever else I interact with) is model the Jesus I know.

Last night in the Uni-student group we did a scavenger hunt around town! It was fun, and I may do it with the youth at some point as well. At the end of March, some of my friends and I are planning another trip up to London, so I'm VERY excited to see that city again! I haven't really been around there since last September when I first came.

On a scary note, I think I am slowly adapting to english life. I now call the bathroom the loo, and I find myself phrasing things differently and even adapting to some of the english insults! I enjoy watching rugby, and while I don't think the accent is there, it may not be far behind! Oh I'm also texting people more than I talk on the phone...the things I used to laugh at, I'm now doing! Oh well, when in rome...

I hope this entry finds you well, and please do drop me a line!
~Paul

March already???

2007-03-02T09:45:00.000-06:00

What an adventure!

The previeous week was the half term break and that Wed. we took almost 20 young people over to Playzone in Portsmouth (Playzone is a big indoor playground where you can run, crawl, slide and jump off objects). I played tag with some of the young people until I couldn't run anymore. I guess my age was showing...it was a huge confidence booster, and I think we all had a blast.

Each day this past week has been good. Last Friday I met up with Ian Morris and Jan for tea and a chat about how things are going. I was honest with them and told them I've been a bit uneasy and have been dealing with things on a personal level that has spilled over into "work". Some of it I just chalk up to first year in ministry, and other stuff I know goes deeper and God is continuing to work on things He started to chip away at last year about this time. We had a good chat and I felt relieved to share things that were kind of heavy to carry.

Sunday night was a "soaking session" here at the back of the church office/ store. For those who don't know what soaking is, it's an extended time of prayer and meditation with God. I was quite refreshed and it helped me enter the week with more confidence.

Since then I've felt much more open. Tuesday at housegroup I shared some other things and while it felt a bit of a risk to open up, it was well received and I was very encouraged. I've begun to see some steps forward with both youth groups. At this present time we've lost some members in both groups, but overall it seems morale is picking up, and I'm excited to see some of them opening up in new ways. This week was particularly hard on one of the girls in the Troop (Thursday night) group as her older brother is recovering from an attack last Friday that left him needing surgery to put a plate in his left cheek bone (cause his face was beaten so badly) and he now faces a 50% chance of losing most of his facial nerves to the left side of his face. We took time to pray for the family after Troop which went very well.

Personally I have been challenged but I've also been very joyful this week. Sus (my cousin from the states) came over this past Thursday and she came down to see me along with her older sister Abi (my other cousin who lives up in Bedford) on Tuesday.

Life goes on here and I can't believe it's almost spring! The days are slowly getting longer and warmer and I'm feeling more and more settled in to the new environment here. Do feel free to drop me a line when you get a chance!
~Paul

A fun week...

2007-02-08T18:13:00.000-06:00

So once again, a ton has happened since I last posted.

last Thursday was the National Leaders Conference. Quite the day on a number of levels! I won't bore you with the details, but I felt God spoke to me about a few things that were on my mind (one big thing was using my time wisely, something I have struggled with now and then). The evening prayer/ ministry time was amazing (prayer for those under 30) and I felt God touching on other things there as well.

Overall it was a day of learning and equipping for the road ahead, and as I've thought more about the year ahead I wonder if I am ready for the challenges...more on that later.

Saturday night was another good evening over in Chitchester. Rex Allchurch (one of the local worship leaders) has partnered with one of his friends (Chris Kent) and they are starting up meetings once a month called ReturnUK which meet on or about the first Saturday of the month. It's just a prayer/ worship meeting. It was another good night and one in which I felt God speaking more about destiny and equipping for the road ahead.

Sunday I woke with a lovely sore throat and cough. Made for a challenging day, but the upshot was I prayed for one of the members of our Uni home group (for re-occuring headaches) and since then she's not had a single headache all week! After church I had a call with the parents (always nice to touch base with "home") and then a youth team meeting.

The meeting...went well for the most part, but really opened my eyes to some things that were hard to take at first. But let me share briefly what I am learning out of that experience:

1. I am leading a team. Something I haven't really done before on a level like this. I have no doubts as to managing the team, but it is more work than I thought. It's people, people who want to know they are appreciated, and that the time and resources they put in to serving the youth are not unnoticed and worth something to someone (it's exactly how I felt when I came in to youth ministry).

2. I am a new leader. I had hopes that every move I make this year would be as smooth as skating on freshly made ice. That however is not the case. In dealing with people I have to learn how to communicate with each one individually but also lead them as a whole. It's a welcome challenge, but a challenge nontheless.

3. I love working with people. There are fun times, memories to be made, and hopefully in a few years we'll all sit around and laugh about these current experiences in ministry and friendships with one another. I dislike working with people. Miscommunication happens, people carry baggage (I have my own issues to contend with!) and we're all fallen creatures. Funny how it's both and I don't get to choose. We can learn and grow together and work to make the experience less crazy, but there are still things to smooth out and it's all based on the foundation of people and how we get along.

4. Prayer. One of the people at the meeting mentioned that if we are to do this certain curriculum, we need to make sure it is covered in prayer cause it's going to take a lot more than just a 10 week commitment to make it work. I thought "how much prayer cover am I getting? being in leadership is great but it puts me out there and I want to be as protected as possible in these spiritual battles we're facing".

That was sunday. I realized that if I had to do the meeting over again I would have pushed the curriculum agenda aside and just checked in with how people were doing. Instead I did a brief check in and tried to make progress with discussing things that maybe could have waited. Lessons to be learned...

Monday I woke and was still sick (oh yes, being ill at the meeting didn't really help much...). Half way through the day I began to have pain in my lower right side (just below the ribs) and was only comfortable lying down on my left side in the fetal position (not good I thought!) called Trish Morris (she works at the local hospital) and she told me to go get checked out in the Accident and Emergency department (it's their version of an ER). Went to A&E and the doctor took some blood, did some other tests and I waited for a few hours. Tests came back negative...so nothing to do with my apendix like I was worried about. The rest of the week has been a bit less eventful (still have a head cold with a stupid tickle in my throat that makes me cough!) and I've stayed home for the most part. I have had a lot of time to think about what I'm going to do with my time and to pray about what God wants me to do.

I want to ask you, my dear family and friends, if you would consider stepping up the prayer support. There is a lot going on here personally and corporately and it is always nice to know that the prayer support is happening. Please let me know if you would like to make more of a commitment AND please let me know how I can pray for you. If there is a day of the month that you could take or if there is a way to arrange something, let me know. I can't stress how important this issue is.

It has been nice to have down time though. It seems as if God is giving me time to pray and gather my thoughts and seek direction. I have had a load of caring thoughts and texts from friends here, which has been fantastic. In spite of being sick, God has been using it to show me people are supporting me here and I'm very encouraged by it all.

That's about it for now. Hope this entry finds you all well! Till next time!

Paul

coming together...

2007-01-29T06:34:00.000-06:00

so it's been awhile...

I'm settling in, and making great frinds (i can't tell you how nice it is to feel like I can laugh and be myself around more and more people). The university group has been a good deal of fun. I don't know if we'll meet tonight, but that aside I am making good friends there.

Paul (another drummer here) has been a good friend. We like the same movies, music and his personality is almost exactly like mine! I'm blown away by how God can send someone around the world and know what type of people they would fit with.

I have been very challenged on faith and trusting God for things. I guess it's part of finding my feet here.

Anyway, I have to sign off for now, but wanted to drop a line and say I'm alright and to please keep praying. The ups are good but the challenges are going to get interesting as life goes on I expect...exciting though being a first time leader and finding out all sorts of new things!!

Miss home and hope you all are well!
Paul

Back in the UK

2007-01-14T17:18:00.000-06:00

So...a lot has happened since I last posted, and I mean a LOT.

in a bit of a socially active room at the moment, but I'm going to attempt to fill in the blanks of the last week since I left Chicago (sigh...again) and arrived back here.

It was a great time with my folks, and Christmas day I was a bit...emotional to say the least. I couldn't figure it out, but it was really nice to be with my family (even though Aaron didn't come in the end). After home I went back to Chicago for another 9 days and had a good time seeing people. I really miss everyone. Dan and I had a GREAT chance to get caught up on life and I realized how much I took for granted all my time at Oak Park.

I will warn you now:-) that I'm going to do a bit of soul bearing, so if emotionally charged blogs isn't your thing than maybe this is one to skip...

It's amazing how easy it is to take for granted friends and co-workers. I knew when I started the internship that it would be short term and there were times where I couldn't wait for it to be over. There were days when I was so mad at the ammount of work I had to do, and I didn't realize how much growing was happening. And having amazing people around (Dan, Ian, Jen and Fifer to name a few who I saw almost every day for those two years) and people who stood with me in prayer and so much more from church...it was amazing and I miss it.

So my last night in town I was up packing at 11:30 and I thought to call my dad (we hadn't REALLY talked when I was there and I think we both wanted at least one really good quality conversation before I left). I called Dad and it hit me almost as soon as I heard his voice on the other end: I want to go home.

in 2003 I lost home. My parents moved to Arizona, I was out on my own and I knew deep inside that I would never be able to really go home. I made a secondary home of sorts at vineyard oak park, but now here I was home temporaraly and set to go back to the UK in the next 24 hours...and life felt like it would never be the same. It really hit me there talking to my dad about how much I want to belong someplace. any place where I can be myself and have people who know me and who don't tell me what I want to hear. Where I can cry and not feel I'm surrounded by strangers...I sat there talking to my dad and said "I feel like the last dregs of home are draining away and part of me wants to hold on with everything I have" and yet even with the tears streaming down my face I knew there was nothing I could do to stop the flow of time.

Dad knew how I felt and he said "I remember taking you with me to work when you were three years old. As I watch you now moving out into the world, I realize that I can't protect you anymore" as I heard the words through his teary voice I knew it was a caring father who always wanted the best for his boys and now they are all grown up. What he said next really impacted me for the journey ahead: "I want you to know that I support you in the face of the challenges and I'm cheering you on every step of the way". I knew then why I felt so emotionally charged at home. Because I wanted to be there and hang on to every last bit and memory of home.
The next day was church and I had the priveledge of playing drums. I enjoyed it much and after the 2nd service people gave their applause in thanks for being there. I talked to Ian about the subject of home and he told me everything would be ok, and that I just need to give it 5 years and then I'll be in the groove:-) that's encouraging. It was hard saying goodbye again and not knowing when I'll be back around. My visa is for one year (with an optional 1 year extension) so for at least the next year this is home. I've spent the week trying to get over jet lag (waking at 4 in the morning is hard...it's a very lonely time and it's really the only time when I look at my watch and wonder what all my friends are doing back in Chicago).

Aside from the jet lag, it's been ok so far. The jet lag has had a domino effect with feeling ready to tackle the position here. I've been trying not to worry about little things and keep my focus on God and so far I've been pleasntly surprised by how famillair things seem here (part of me that was totally worried about getting along with people before has gone and I try to just be me (I'd rather people like me for me anyway!). I've gotten along with people who I wasn't so sure about before, so that's a good thing.

I realized on the plane here that I can't do this on my own. I was praying about it and felt God say "you're right, you can't". I guess the truth is that God may be using me and working through me, but it's not about me. God has a plan here and I want to stay focused on him and that's hard to do when I'm working on so much...friendships, work, and making this place my home. The times I get worried are when I lose that focus and start to worry about me or how I'm going to get on with my life here. It is different though this time around cause I know more of what it's going to take and I've got some good foundations here already.

I've had a good weekend and there is so much more I want to say about all that I've been thinking, but I guess this will do for now. I'm thankful that my surroundings don't feel so foreign, and I don't feel like such a tourist. Prayers are still needed, and I do miss home. The upside is that I made it three months here and if I can do three, I can do six, and if I can do six...well so on and so forth.

ok I think I'm done for now. thanks for your prayers and friendships! miss you all!
Paul

Arizona: 2nd full day

2006-12-20T23:03:00.000-06:00

So here I am. Listening to some Chicane and whatever else my MP3 player decides to dish out. It's been a nice time so far. Although the aspect of an injured mom isn't so cool. I went to ride horses today and in years past she's always gone with me. It was nice to go, but I missed her.

I think I'm getting back on my usual food intake level. I think my stomache shrank in England, so it's nice to eat:-) I know I might not enjoy the holidays in years to come when my body starts to REALLY age and dislike my food choices, but for now I'm going to be happy and eat and enjoy this time with my family. The one upshot to mom's injury is that people have been SO nice from my Dad AND my Mom's churches. I think we have enough food here to last us till the next milennium.

My brother Ethan (middle one) is coming tonight. I think we're all hoping Aaron (oldest brother) pulls a surprise and show's up this weekend. I hear he has the time for it, and it's just a question of him getting a plane here from Korea.

I was riding today, and thought what a freakin amazing life I have. I didn't think I would have experienced so much of this world by this age. God is really cool and the way He's mastered this is really amazing to say the least. I've gone through some intense challenges the last two years, but here I am in Arizona and on the verge of living for who knows how long overseas. Something that I don't have the resources to do, but God has made a way and in the process has put some great people in my life as well and I can't wait to see how the next chapter unfolds.

Well, Ethan will be here soon and I should go. But even as I read back the entries of the last few months, I'm glad for all that's happened. Even in difficult moments God is active, and I wish I could see that more when I'm in those moments! Hopefully mom will be doing better by the end of this week. I want to keep praying for her but it's hard to see past myself and let God take it. I can get worried over little things that I know I shouldn't be worried about (what if she doesn't get healed? what if I get hurt or upset at God for not healing her on my timetable?) But I think I need to put all the what if's aside and just go for it. We'll see how it goes from here.

More next time!Paul

Arizona: Arrival

2006-12-18T23:42:00.000-06:00

So...here i am "home" with the parents. It feels a bit odd to call this home, but for lack of a better word, I'm home...at least till I'm back in Bognor.

So last friday I applied for my visa. They didn't give me the visa I was aiming for, but they were very nice at the British consulate office in Chicago (I would have thought that living in Chicago would have made them brits hard nosed about letting us in to their country, but I was wrong!) and they helped me get the visa that would suit me better. So I have a one year visa that is renewable from England and post dated for 8th of January 07 to 8th of January 08.

I got back later that day to my friends place to find my dad had left me a message on my phone. About the same time my visa was processed, my mum was busy getting thrown off a horse and she ended up with a concussion, broken collar bone and two broken ribs. lovely...

Since talking with my dad on Friday about the accident, I've been praying and feeling/ hoping that God wants to heal her. I'll give more about that later...

Friday night I saw some friends at one party and before that one ended, I moved on to see family up on the north side of the city. Man I miss this town...so many memories. Friday was cool too as I found out one of my cousin's friends has a strong tie to England, and I might see some friends there next Spring! Looking forward to that!

Saturday I had worship band practice, which was nice. I don't mind playing at Bognor vineyard. I love the church, but they just need a bass player on a consistant basis:-) So it was nice to play with a full band to say the least. Saturday night there was a leaders party at my church, and it was really wonderful to see friends and to feel like I haven't been away for 3 months. And yet in the back of my mind I wondered how my friends were back in England...and that they'd be meeting for church when I'd be sleeping, and I would be at church when it's mid afternoon there...I can't tell you how it really feels to be drawn between two places, and both of which I want to be connected to 100%. I don't have any illusions that this phase will last. There will be a day when friends here move on like I have, and it may not be so easy to connect. But for now I'm doing my best at enjoying the time I have here. God's been in so much of life on both sides of the pond, and I'm glad to see people now and share some of what I've been through while the feelings of friendship are fresh.

Saturday night i ducked out of the leaders party early to see my brother and my cousion who came in to town on his way back to Penn. state. It was a short two hour visit, but it was nice. Even taking the train was sooo familliar. and nice to be in a place where I don't need a map to get around!

Sunday was very good. I saw more people, and it was a full day of activities. Two services at church then lunch at the senior pastor's house with several of the youth (explaining to them the differences of American and English culture that I've noticed so far) and how I've gotten along with the Bognor youth. There was even a broccoli fight in there as well, which was fun.
Sunday night was the worship team christmas party, which was nice to see so many faces of people who I have been honored to serve with in worship over the last six years. I opted out of the gift exchange due to the idea that I don't need any extra crap on the plane with me, thank you very much! After the party I went and had a chance to hang out with another good friend from church, and I didn't actually get back to pack my things until after midnight, and it was after 2am when I finally got to sleep!

Today I was up at 7:30am to catch a train up to the airport. Thankfully I was able to fly standby and get on an earlier flight out of Chicago. I tried to sleep on the plane, but it's always rough trying to sleep in the "economy" class...crappy seat class if you ask me...

But here I am, sitting in my parents office typing another entry to this blog thing. I prayed for my mum tonight as well...I came in to the house and she was lying on the couch (sofa) and she cried a bit when she saw me (she doesn't take too well to vicadin or codine, so she's in some pain and uses ibuprofin to help). I cried a bit cause I felt sorry for her that she couldn't get up to hug me. Her collar bone is broken through, and it's the kind of injury that there isn't much they can do for it so it's going to heal abnormally.

I told my mum that I wanted to pray for her, so Dad and I did so. Nothing happened, at least not there and then. She's still in the other room on the couch. Those of you reading this, please pray that God does heal her. I really want to see a miracle here, and I'm going to try and pray for her every day that I'm here. My hope is that she'll be back riding horses with me by Friday. How cool would that be?

My middle brother is coming in on Wednesday night, so at least 4/5th's of us will be here for the holidays this year. I'm glad to have my passport stuff sorted, and thank you all for praying about that. That was a big hurdle, and now I feel I can relax a bit.

I'll post more later. Miss you all, and God bless!
Paul

SURPRISE!!!!!

2006-12-13T10:43:00.000-06:00

So in case you don't know by now, this brit wanna be has returned to his home for a month.
I'm home to complete the transition to England, if that makes sense. Hopefully by Saturday I'll have my Visa all sorted, and then I'm away to Arizona for 10 days over Christmas and then back to Chicago for New Years.

I knew about this trip 3 months ago and it took a lot of effort to keep it a surprise from most people here at home. My plan was to fly in Tuesday night and show up and surprise the youth at church. Maybe even have a shot at playing drums. But due to bad weather and other delays I had the joy of spending about 12 hours seated on a cramped airplane. These things happen I know, but I think just about every other traveling experience I've had where there was time for things to go wrong have gone smoothly. So it was a bit frustraiting to say the least...

But I did get to see some people when I got in, and I can't tell you how surreal it is to be home. I've been away for what felt like ages, and then to come back and feel like nothing has changed is pretty strange. I don't like the fact that I've got a list of details staring me in the face, but I do like being in a place with familliar faces and where I don't really need a map with me to get around.

I am looking forward to going back as well. I hope to feel more setttled there and ready to tackle the new year. God has been moving so much in Bognor, and I can't wait to see how the new year unfolds for the youth, the church and the cross-church relationships I'm building.

I hope to blog more here as these next few days unfold and I get around to see friends and suss out my Visa. Please do pray that the issues of my visa, and bringing more of my stuff back to England somehow gets worked out. And that above all I'll be able to chill while I'm home.
Paul

Time ticks by...

2006-11-29T12:10:00.000-06:00

So...

It's been almost 3 months. A lot has happened in that time.

This past weekend was a bit of a highlight. I went with Kate, Jan, Jess and a few others from church up to Winchester for a leaders day at the Vineyard there. It was really good. It was nice to see and hear from John Mumford (The national director for Vineyard UK) about all that has been happening. I can see why John Wimber liked him! Winchester was the first Vineyard that contacted me this past summer...I could have worked up there!! But Bognor is SOOO much cooler!!

During the first ministry time the pastor from the Salsbury Vineyard came and prayed for me. He had an encouraging word for me. He said he felt that God was going to make my time here more than worth it. Everything I expected isn't everything that God wants to do. BUT that in that there is struggle involved.

Monday and Tuesday were kind of tough days emotionally. I still feel at times like it's tough fitting in. I don't like the idea of starting over getting to know people...but who knows. I have to keep trusting God to lead and keep putting myself out there socially in spite of how hard it can be sometimes. Tuesday night I opened up a bit to the folks in my homegroup and it felt pretty good to feel that much more accepted.

Christmas plans are coming together here. I'll be up in Bedford with my cousins, so at least I'll see family. I did get to speak with my parents and my brother on Sunday, and that was nice. Phones are a sweet invention but Skype is so much cooler!!

I still have some dreams of Vineyard oak park. I miss friends who know me...but it'll be ok. In a years time, I'll look back and be thankful that the first year is down.

Sorry it's a tad random. I find it hard to keep things in order these days. I guess my age is showing! :-) Oh, I went with some people to see Casino royale on Sunday night. It was quite good, and I'm looking forward to the next one in two years!!

Troop and Foam are going ok. The holidays are kind of a challenge and I think we'll be a bit more settled after the new year. Please keep praying for me and the youth here. I know it will be some time before we find our groove, and we need all the prayer we can get.
Please drop me a line when you can!
Paul

Afer a while....

2006-11-18T10:37:00.000-06:00

Ok...so it's been a little while.

Today I attended a child protection training session. I'm feeling a bit more "official" in my role now:-)

Thursday night Troop is in a bit of a fragile place, coming off a kind of tough night. My thoughts and plans for the group weren't so well accepted and we had to have a chat about some things relating to the transition phase.

When the church here started looking for a youth pastor they seemingly didn't include the youth in much of the process. These young people started this group out of an alpha course that was done 2 years ago and they have felt strongly about it being "their group" ever since. While they have had adults sit in and give direction it is a very different program approach to what I was trained in. A bit of a hard point for me to not take some of what they said that first of 2 disscussion nights personally. But the more I thought and prayed about it, I realized they don't really have grounds to know me or my life in Chicago, and God had to say "HEY! chill, it's not about you, it's about them and you need to listen to them and gather as much info as you can on the back story here". So the next week I asked DJ to come and help facillitate a discussion on how they feel. It went very well and this past week we had a social night led by Sara. This next week some of the members will take the welcome, the worship and the word time of the night.
Simalliar moves are being made with FOAM on Wed. nights. They want to have one night a month where they have a more active role in the group. So looks like my high and mighty training (or pride) needs to take a back seat and I need to learn to give some things away while at the same time providing direction or helping them stay on track with the focus of the night. If all that makes sense...

A bit of a challenge, but at the same time I feel a bit less pressure to come with something every week. Jess and Kate have been amazing here as well in helping me see the subtle differences between US youth culture and UK youth culture.

I do feel a bif of pride needs to be swallowed as well in the sense that the novelty of my arrival has worn off. So that's been a bit of a challenge.

This last week I met with a student at McDonalds here for a chat (he's from Croatia and is struggling with being a teen at the moment) and I met with another guy at Subway yesterday (he's almost 17 and his parents moved to the states without him and he's probably not going to see them for a year or so so he's going through a lot with learning to live on his own). So I'm seeing that my role is taking on a lot of discipleship aspects as well. I do like hanging out with these guys and just chatting with them about life.

This past week we started a university age small group. We meet again this week and I'm pretty stoked about it all! Please do keep praying for Troop, FOAM and the new house group. It's still challenging but I'm looking at it with some new ideas, and we could use all the prayer we can get.

I'm missing home and wish I could be there....I've dreamed of church and in my dreams no one has changed a bit! I still see the carpet in the sanctuary and the stage and all the chairs...even the lighting is the same...a bit dim at times but a warm place nonetheless...
That's life in a nut shell. Please do drop a line and let me know all that I'm missing!
Paul

quick note

2006-11-06T08:16:00.000-06:00

So last Thursday was a bit of a night for the record books.

The las month and a half I've been leading troop and have felt a bit challenged in finding the best way to go about that. Thursday's plan for discussion wasn't well recieved and some of the students were honest about where they were at with some of the changes and I'm realizing some tough things:

The youth here really like to feel that the group is their own. They don't seem to click with the american style of leadership (youth pastor teaches every week). They want to contribute and I haven't really picked up on that.

There are other subtle cultural differences that I'm having to pick up on and adapt to. But it seems a big challenge for them is that for the last two years they've seen a lot with the group and now I'm brought in by the leadership and no one asked them if this is what they want. For them it probably feels like "here's paul, get used to him leading you".

So this week I asked DJ to come and help me clairify some things with them. It really is a learning process and I don't like it some days. But I'm really glad that last thursday some hard things got pushed onto the table and hopefully we can continue to talk about those things as they develop.

I need to run now and get some other things done. But things are really fun, I've been ice skating, off to see fire works, and out to lunch with people over the last four days!! Relationships are moving forward, and that's nice. Sorry this is so short...I wish you all could be here to see these things unfolding. It really is something!

Laters,Paul

24 hours in Bedford (posted Friday Oct. 27th)

2006-10-30T07:19:00.000-06:00

So I'm in the bedford library. my cousin Abi has gone back to her flat with her son Owen. I came up last night on the train (a four hour trip from Bognor up through London and then north to Bedford). When I arrived Abi's husband Jon met me and after a brief hello to Abi, Jon and I set out for Damien's house (a friend of Jon's). Jon and some friends are playing a pub show in December so they got together to practice last night. They're really good and in spite of it being their first night of playing, by the end they were a fairly tight group.

Today Jon has been at work so Owen, Abi and I went to the park to let Owen have a run around while Abi and I talked about old memories of being in youth group at Vineyard Evanston and life afterwards. It's interesting comparing my experience to that of the youth here. Some of the same things that they see are on par with some of the same things I dealt with. I find myself thinking of Chris Herning (my old youth pastor) and wonder if he saw things in this way when I was a student under him.

Today was a good day. I woke feeling at peace with the fact that I'm here and that I've made some really good connections with people already. And while it has been hard to stay focused on God at times and trust Him that He is faithful to lead me through this transition phase, it is happening even when I don't see it or feel it. And having a somewhat familiar face around like Abi's is really nice. We weren't super close back in youth group (she was two years ahead of me) but we were a part of the chicago group and we all tended to stick together (late movie nights on Saturday and then go to church the next day only to sleep through the sermons!! great times!!).

Y'know, as crazy as I can feel at times about growing up and moving on, it's good overall. You'll have to forgive me, but I can tend to be a bit dramatic in my thoughts about growing up and moving on...I'm very much a people person and if I could ever put into words how I feel about my close friends I would. I know, not typical of a guy to put feelings out there, but I do have it in me (rarely as it may show!).

If you couldn't tell by now, I am also very much feelings oriented. I don't like it most days cause I can wear my heart on my sleeve (which I think drove Ian Carroll nuts some days!!!). It's funny too though because I come here and I don't have close friends who I can open up to so there is a bit of a clash of wanting to talk about how I feel (cause I can go by my feelings) and yet I have a slight reservation in opening up too quickly to people. So it's been a challenge walking that line and just letting things happen "naturally". I'm laughing at myself as I write this cause I see a bit of a paradox there if that makes sense.

Oh, something else that I've noticed here. There is a LOT of diversity in ethnic groups here depending on where you go. I know we have it in the states, but it's somehow different here. Indian, Asian, Italian, various African faces....it can really stand out to me sometimes. Even here in the library, I'm surrounded by a lot of different people.

Church is like that too. English, Scottish, Irish, Dutch...so many accents when you listen for it. It's pretty cool, and I really like getting to know people from different backgrounds. Even to see how life has progressed here since the war is interesting. I think in the states we can get land locked and we're not really the kind of people to think too far beyond our borders. But here where it's a much more central location to the rest of the world it's a lot more open. If that makes sense.

Anyway, do come and visit when y'all can. OH!! I met Sarah (an AMERICAN!) last night who was in Chicago just days ago! She was talking about Pilsen and how much she liked the city....made me miss home! We also had a bit of fun taking the mc out of the brits in the room. It was nice to hear some VERY american phrases....we had a good laugh in a way the english wouldn't understand! Heh heh heh...

But seriously. Come visit, I'd love to show off my flat and show off my surroundings. It's great here and I am moving forward. Keep in touch!
Paul

Half term

2006-10-22T13:19:00.000-05:00

Wow. a good week overall.

Tues. night I went to housegroup and had a nice time. We had a "fun" night and did some karaoke...I did a splendid imitation of Vanilla Ice with Ice ice Baby. Made everyone laugh and I had a good time.

Wed. I went with a few others from church to a Discipleship course at a local college/ hotel here in Bognor. It was a good time all three days (Wed. thurs. Fri.). I was challenged with some new things as well as reminded of things I need to keep in mind when in leadership and teaching others as well as being taught myself....

Wed. night was FOAM. Jess was away so Kate was my help for the evening, and we both commented the next day how surprising it was that none of the students could really form their own words in response to the question "what does it mean to be a Christian?" I think that sheds some light on where to go in the future with them.

Thursday night was Troop, and that went really well. I wasn't feeling up for it (I had very little sleep the night before) and I wasn't sure if what I had prepared would fly. But after some prayer and focusing in on God, I shared what I had and the response was really good.

I opened the night by explaining that if their expectation of me is that I'm here with some great revelation from God and that I'm the one who's going to help them get their lives in order and speak direction into their lives then they're wrong. I explained that the only real amount of authority I have over them is how much they give me. I may hold the title of youth pastor, but when it comes down to it they have to make the choice to either take my suggestions to heart or go their own way. I can't make any of them do something if they don't want to do it. After that I shared about loving yourself and seeing yourself as God sees you. It was really good because I think in their lives they hear so much about love and all these great ideas surrounding that, but if a person can't love themself, how can they expect to receive love from others? or more importantly from God who created them?

Anyway, I thought it was good and one of the students even came and talked about it with me afterwards.

Friday was the Raise Ya Hands benefit concert that Sara and other students put on, and it was a really good night! Four of us opened the night with drum/ percussion solos, and Nick (a percussionist) and I were asked to close the night! It got the crowd going and a lot of good comments and overall I feel it was one of those nights that deepens friendships. All in all about 16 different acts performed, and as tired as the team seemed at the end of the night, I think it went off really well. Sara seemed relieved that it was over and done with.

Saturday was a low key day and now we head in to the half term break, so a lot of people are away this week on vacation or some other event to break away from the usual. Troop and FOAM are cancelled this week, so I may try to get out and see some sights. I'll post more when I can....miss you all!
Paul

Walking on...

2006-10-16T10:00:00.000-05:00

Whew. what a week.
Jess and Kate (the new DNA students) helped with FOAM on WED. and Jess is in Troop on Thurs. so it's good to have some help there (FOAM needs more guys to come along...the last two weeks it's been all girls and me...I'd love to see more guys there! please pray for that to happen).
Last Tues. was bit better than monday, so things are being worked through. I still feel lonely and disconnected at points, but as I said, it takes time for all this to work out...I don't like it but it's the process God has me in I guess.

Saturday night Jess, Kate and I went to go to Chitchester to see a movie. It was a good time (although I think we all wished more people could have made it out with us). It was nice to have time to NOT think about work and the transition phase I'm in.

Sunday was church and I am now in the lead role for Grapes (the 12-18 age group). It's been going ok this past month, and in Nov. I'm going to split the ages 11-13 and then 14-18. I'll take the older crowd and see what to do with them...please pray about that. I really want to see them take steps towards a place of maturity where they can (and want to) sit in with the main service.
This week I'm busy all nights except tonight (Monday). Housegroup on Tues. FOAM on Wed. Troop on TH. and then Raise Ya Hands on Fri. RYH is the benefit show for AIDS victims in S. Africa. Pat (one of the uni students here) and I are going to open the night with a drum off! I'm pretty stoked, and I can't wait to have a bit of crazy fun:-) DVD's will be available thanks to support by Apple (yes, Sara pulled out some really amazing stops for this thing in the way of sponsorship) and I'm really thrilled to see what they put their hearts to next.

Troop has been going well. We've had some real moments of voulnerability, and I'm so thankful to God for leading the group in relationships and how He's using me to challenge them to a deeper level of relationship with Jesus. Plese pray that I would stay real and keep MY eyes on Jesus. I want to point the young people to Him and I want to speak from being in that place of a real relationship with Him.

That's most of the main news here. I'd love to hear how you all are doing. Take care! Paul

Rough day

2006-10-10T12:39:00.000-05:00

So the last two days have been interesting. by that i mean very challenging.

I had a rough night of sleep Sunday which probably didn't help my day get off to a great start.
I got lost on my way in to work, and it wasn't fun. I felt like such a flippin' tourist and wayy out of my comfort zone.

After working at the shop all day (tearing out shelves and the leftover pieces of the wall) Jan took me shopping at a place called Tesco's (it's really close to Jewel or Dominicks). For some reason walking around tesco's really caught me off guard and I really felt insecure being there. Everything was so close to being at home yet it all stood out as completely foreign.

After that I was supposed to go to a youth and childrens worker meeting, but due to a fluke in texting here I missed a ride to the meeting and didn't go.

All that was really frustrating. I'm a world away from anything familliar and while i'm ok with it there are times where it is REALLY unsettling. I really miss home. I know I'm called to be here, but I don't like this stage. No close friends, and I feel like I'm stumbling to find my feet and fall into a rutine.

The honeymoon phase is over and coming into the fact that this is really happening is hard. Verity came back last night and she saw I wasn't having a good day and we had a long talk about it which was helpful. But I miss my friends! I miss the silly moments, the serious moments, the dull moments. In coming here I see how much I've changed over the last 6 years and a lot of that is from God, yes, but also through godly friends and I really miss you all.

Oak Park Vineyard is still MY HOME church. I may be gone, but it doesn't mean i don't want to know about life back there. I want to hear the funny, the silly, even the boring news from home. cause right now I don't exactly feel connected here...or there. I do want to know that I have friends who think of me...

I may not be the worlds greatest communicator, but I will try and keep in touch as best as I can. I miss you all so much and I can stress how much i want to still feel conneceted to home. I really want to call you and hear how you're doing in a more personal way than through a cold keyboard, but I left my cell (with all the numbers!) in the states! Email me and let's setup a time to chat over the phone...

Time for supper. There is so much more I want to say, but for now I miss home and I dearly want to know what's happening there. Ian, how did you do it? wow...
Paul

Over the wekend...

2006-10-08T15:02:00.000-05:00

So...let's see...

Friday we met the new students coming on board for a year of discipleship training. They're cool and they seem really excited to be here (one of them even got a vision of looking out to sea a week before she heard she would be here...on the seafront!)

Saturday I moved in and last night I slept in my new flat (that's an appartment in case you didn't know. Appartments here are what we would call condominiums). I STILL have not met my new roommates yet!! They got in at like 3am and I was like "no way am I getting up now to meet them". Oh well...maybe later tonight.

saturday evening I went over to Alex Hamiltons for dinner and to watch the England Vs. macedonia football game. Alex and his wife are a really nice couple from the church and two of their kids are in the youth group at church. After that DJ came and picked me up and I went and saw "Crash" with Dj, Matt, Jess, kate, and Verity. Good movie...

Today at church I played drums and it was a good time. God really showed up and there was even an encore for "How Great Is Our God". I don't know how much I'll really use that gift here cause there is so much other stuff going on and as much as I love the drums, part of me wants to focus on other things.

After worship I led the Grapes class (12-17 age group). It went OK and I look forward to the next few weeks when we tackle Hebrews chapter 11!

After church there was an open house sort of thing at the home of one of the church members, and it was a nice time. i sat and talked mostly with the new comers which was pretty cool.
So this next week will be finding out what I need over at the new place. I'm a bit frustraited over not being able to find a power converter to plug my american electronics into (and then from there into the wall sockets here). I may get back over to Portsmouth this week to see if the stores there have what I'm looking for.

OH! i did go swimming yesterday with Jan and two of his three boys which was cool. I'm also looking at getting a membership there so I can get back into swimming three days a week.

So there's my weekend. Hope all of you across the pond are good!

Oops...

2006-10-06T10:40:00.000-05:00

Sorry! This blog was meant to go BEFORE the post marked "A month out". Read this before that and some things will make sense...

10.5.06
Ok so i wasn't going to post today, but this dream I had last night was really stirring. I thought I'd post about it and ask y'all to pray.

I was camping with a group of people (I couldn't make out anyone I was with, but my gut tells me we were somewhere in England). Storm clouds moved in and the weather turned on us. Someone came running up and said there was a tornado down the hill coming up against us. I went out and looked and sure enough I saw a tornado forming and coming for the camp. The group got scared and fled. I stood my ground and did the only thing I could think of. I put my hand out in front of me (palm out against the tornado) and screamed at the top of my voice: "IN THE NAME IF JESUS, I COMMAND YOU TO LEAVE!!!" At that the tornado disappeared. Three more formed up and came for me and I did the same thing. The next thing i knew the group had returned and they helped fight back the tornados in the name of Jesus.

Pretty powerful, huh?

All day i've been thinking and praying about it. I don't know if it means the church here is in for some attack or what, I just know that it's a call to stand in the confidence of Jesus name whatever happens.

So I'm off to Troop (the sr. youth group) tonight. It should be interesting as I think we'll be talking about wholeness and what it looks like when God comes and deals with stuff on every level of our lives.

Foam was good last night and even thoough we didn't totally get through the lesson (there were a lot of questions ranging from the Big Bang to dinosaurs, and to the question of how do we know Jesus IS the answer? what about islam or other options? that's all for next week I assured them). Oh well. At least they seem an inquisitive bunch!

Sara Morris went home early from school today after another bad headache and a really bad dizzy spell. Please pray that she comes through this and finds total healing. It's a challenge for me to not let my burden bearing self kick in and try to do more to help her. She's got a lot going at school and everyone here feels pretty sad for her.

Tomorrow is sort of a day off and I think I move into my flat at Highfield Road (along with some shopping and other errands to make my room a bit more comfy)! We also have two students coming on board to do a sort of "discipleship/intern" year with us. There is talk I may have some significant role in helping them develop their gifts and help them find ways to plug in and serve. I'm excited!

Well, that's it for now. I miss you all and it's hard not having the comfort factor that I did when I was home. But good things are happening here, and I'm very priviledged to be a youth leader who's worked on two continents! Truly more from God than I could ever ask for or hope for. Till next time!
Paul

A month out...

2006-10-06T10:36:00.000-05:00

So here it is, a month since I left home. a lot has happened, and I'm really excited over this weekend!

But first off:

last night (Thursday) was Troop. i was a bit dissapointed cause it was only 5 that showed up (two of them were 19 and 20 year old university students, so it wasn't a big crowd). I wasn't going to share what i had prepared, but matt told me to flip a a coin and if it was heads I would do the lesson and if it was tails I would do the back up lesson (which would have been to recycle Wed. nights object lesson).

The coin landed on heads. So with 5 I started.

We looked at three different stories of Jesus healing people out of Luke. We discussed what the back stories may have been for these individuals and what life was like before and after the healing. On of the students then asked "that's great, but what does this have to do with us?"
Good question i replyed. I then spoke about God coming into our lives and how he loves us too much to let us stay the same. And then i got a bit voulnerable and shared some of my healing experiences over the last two years and what it has been like for me to come out of lies that I've had since childhood. Once i shared that and put my heart out there, the group was dead silent for minutes on end. I don't think they were expecting that and it seemed to stir things in their own hearts. One girl mentioned that she has been struggling with intimidation and feels intimidated by people around her (I think others were probably thinking about their own issues as well and didn't feel like sharing). i think it was a good night and I'm really excited to see where stuff goes over these next few weeks with teaching voulnerability and that God wants us to be healed and to find wholeness.

Today I was up at 6am for the 6:30 prayer meeting at the office. It was a really good time and at the end i shared my dream from two nights ago and some felt that i should be prayed for. It was really encouraging, and God really spoke to me about standing in confidence and that as I do that others will learn it as well and start to fight whatever is opposing them in life.

I have NOT moved into my flat yet. today was raining for most of the day so Jan (pronounced Yawn) said tomorrow might be better. Oh well...

We had a lunch here at Jan and Lisa's for the new discipleship students. Jess and Kate are 19 and 20 (I think) and they are really nice. After lunch kate had a list of really good questions on the youth and what has been happening so far. It was good to have that talk cause it forced me to really think about what stage we're at and where to go from here.

Tonight I'm totally free. Jan and Lisa are going out and the kids are going to be away so I think I'll try and go out or maybe have some people over and watch the ORIGINAL Italian Job. We'll see...

Till next time!
paul

Another post

2006-10-04T09:55:00.000-05:00

So sorry that I haven't posted in over a week. I meant to over the weekend but i never got around to it. Oh well. A quick one for now I guess...

Last thursday we had troop. It was kind of hard going cause I didn't plan a real lesson I just wanted to know what the group expected of me and what they would like to see happen in the future. So we made a list of ideas/ expectations. I DID have to mention that I have authority to nix anything from the list so things like having me around one time a week to do the kids laundry was a no go for example. It was a good night overall (I had to use a bit of a stern voice at one point when some of the youth got a bit out of hand with conversations that were not on the subject...they're easily distracted over here!)

Friday night was very fun. It was Jan's last day at his job (he's now a full time pastor and it's a bit of a leap of faith for him...which has been nice to know that i'm not the only one here who's taking a huge risk in life and work). Jan got some of the guys together and we met up at a local pub for a drink and a chat. It was good fun.

Saturday i went and got my hair cut. Now all the blond is gone and it's pretty short. People say I look more like a brit now. I guess I can't get away from that forever, can I?

Saturday night Verity and her cousin invited me to dinner by camp stove on the beach which was quite nice of them. Most of the night was spent taking the mick out of me for this or that, but it wasn't all totally undeserved:-)

Sunday was church and afterwards Jan's family and I went over to his parents place for tea and a bit of snacks. It was a nice time. jan's parents are dutch survivors of the war, so I'm looking forward to chatting with them about it next time I see them.

Monday I got to see my flat for the first time. Jan and I took out the old carpet from my room and today jan and nathan (one of the kids Jan worked with in his last job as a social worker) painted my room while I was here at the Morris' helping them get the place ready in time for the students arrival on Friday. The flat is really nice and I'll be moving in sometime after the new carpet gets put in this week. I'm excited!!

That's most of the major news here. I know I've missed some details cause it's been over a week. Oh, I'm playing drums this week in church! The housegroup i attend on Tuesday's leads worship one time a month, so they've asked me to play this weekend....it's nice, but we need a bass player! I've seen a need for drummers, but never a bass player. I guess I always thought the bass was a bit more of a glorified position than the drums...guess I was wrong.

Tonight is FOAM tomorrow is Troop...and I don't know what exactly will fill in the rest of the week. Oh Jan and I are also doing a bit of demolition work in the Vineyard shop here in town getting the back rooms ready to use as a meeting place. That's been fun and I'll post pics of that along with the 5 million others I'll have to post by the time I actually get around to it...

Tomorrow is our first "staff" meet where the core leaders get together and stratigize and plan how we'll take over Bognor!! just kidding....

I am also looking at starting up a younger (university) age house group for 18 to mid 20s. We'll see how that goes (I'm excited about it!!)

Right, I need to go clean up from painting and then get some thoughts out on paper for tonight. I'm getting more and more settled here, but the moments of feeling like a foreigner haven't really died off and I'm still trying to find my feet and not worry too much about this that and the other. Today has been kinda hard though cause I haven't been sleeping as well as I'd like and it's been hard to concentrate on even simple tasks like painting a door (it usually doesn't take me much to get a coat of paint on but today was different...) anyway. Please keep praying that I get settled and that God continues to lead me through this process. And let me know how I can pray for you!

Oh yes, and if you could please pray for Sara. She went and had tests done yesterday to see why she get's these nasty headaches. We're waiting on the results. We've prayed for her and it's kinda hard to see the problem still present. Guess that's the hard part of watching students through the good and bad of life.

Till next time,Paul

2006-09-26T08:40:00.000-05:00

Since I've been here there are some random things I've had to get used to. I thought it would be nice to list the things I've noticed so far so you can get an idea of what it's like here.

Houses:
This one is hard to explain without a picture to go along with it. But houses here are almost like houses back home yet different. There is a LOT od brick houses around for one, and the designs are well, different. The back yard is called the "garden" (the front is called the front garden, from what I gather) and the back yards of the Morris' and the Van driel's are fairly large.

Roundabouts:
We have some in the states, but here traffic lights are rare and roundabouts are almost everywhere. When I do go out, I'm still a bit thrown by driving on the left hand side of the road and especialy how one navigates these roundabouts without having a major accident (I'm still just a passenger, I'm not daring enough to drive just yet!).

Taking the mick out:
Teasing. When you're taking the mick out of someone your giving them a hard time. Ex: Almost everyone I've met has taken the mick out of me for my accent. I try explaining that I've got the real accent (It's TOE-MAY-TOE not toMAto!!) but no one seems to agree...I guess there's a reason why Americans rebelled against that Queens english...

Football:
Soccer. I must admit we do have a silly way of mis-labeling things in the states. I prefer football because it's played with your feet and you kick a ball. I do like american football, but you don't really use your feet much.

Posh:
It means your very proper. Celebrities are considered posh here. It can also mean you're rich (i think).

Texting:
People here LOVE to text other people with their cell phones. I know some use texting in the states but let me tell you it's everywhere here. At the mall, on the train, in a crowded street...it's crazy.

The carriage way:
The expressway. You know, where you drive really fast. I still haven't figured out all the rules of the road, so I can't tell you where the slow and fast lanes are. Oh yeah, al the cars i've taken a ride in are manual transmission. As much as I like driving stick shift, I'm a bit afraid of learning to shift with my LEFT hand!

The Tube:
The subway where the train goes in London.

CRB:
Criminal Records Buraeu. The agency that performs background checks on childcare workers.

Hole in the wall:
The ATM. I've seen it myself, and it is in fact called the hole in the wall. Why, I don't know.
Con-doms: (yes, two seperate words from what I can tell). i was shocked to hear this word from Ian Morris the other day and I thought we didn't have the word in america-until he called it a rubber. I'm sure the look on my face was a bit embarrased:-)

Cheeky:Acting silly.

The tele: television.

X-factor: Britains version of American Idol. It's different actually. They have a 24 and under crowd, they have the 25 and older and then they have groups. Simon Cowell is part of the show and he's no different here. I don't really know who the other two judges are. They have had some elderly people come on the show and sing their hearts out, so that's been interetesting to see. Apparently two weeks ago some teenage girls came on and did the song "Breath". they didn't get through, and took a bit of abuse from the judges for it, but it was a nice show of faith I thought.

So that's pretty much it for this round. I'll post more as I find strange words or other interesting things that are funny or different. Later!

Over the weekend...

2006-09-25T07:32:00.000-05:00

So to update:

Here i am in Bognor Regis (bog is another word for toilet, so in spite of how beautiful it is here, some look down on the town due to it's name). I've been asked to stay on to further explore a role with the church (which is good considering my flight home was Friday, 2 days ago!)
Friday was a low key day here at the Morris' house. It was raining and i didn't get out at all. Saturday was different: Sunny and a darn good day to head off to see the D-Day museum over in Portsmouth. It was a bit of a longer train ride than I expected, but oh well. I got there and went over to the museum straight away and had a really nice time.

I really like WWII history. I think it's a fascinating era, and what the world had to live through was really hard. To see it from Englands perspective was even more dramatic (nightly bombing raids by the germans and facing the threat of invasion for years on end while the Battle of Britan raged in the skies above). Thankfully the Germans never achieved their goal of owning the skies over England, so when the Americans arrived there was quite the anticipation of the tide turning.

The museum told a lot of what life was like for the English living with war on their doorstep. I was amazed at all the artifacts and things preserved from the war. I think there is undue American pride over the war but really it was such a international event that i don't think any country can claim they had the "best" had in winning the war. The simple truth is that if the world had not united in the face of such a threat, many of us would be living much different lives to say the least. But enough of my rambling over history...

Today was a bit of a hard day for me. I woke with emotions going nuts with the thought that I am out of my comfort zone. Now I know that this is where God is calling me, and that He has a plan and I need to trust Him. But in the face of that is some worry over how long it will take before I REALLY feel at home here. I don't have a Dave Fife or an Ian Carroll or other friends who know me and who can offer advice over a meal. I mean I have connected with some people but it can feel a bit daunting when I think of the time that it took at Oak Park and how long it may take to REALLY get to know people here.

I do feel loved and accepted for the most part. But there are hard moments where I just want to be in a place that's familiar and around people who know me (and where I don't feel like such a %&^! tourist!!!). On the other hand if I returned to Oak Park, what would I have to do? This is where God has me, and as hard as it is sometimes, I don't want anywhere else (unless God says "go").

Anyway, those feelings wore me out by the time we got home from church. I went and napped for an hour or so before lunch was ready. I met Ian Morris' mother and sister and brother-in-law and that was a nice time. Then Sara, James and I met up with Ronin over at the Baptist church for their "youth led" evening service. It was a nice time and I've been hearing a lot about the team from Brazil that's over there. But they were away for the weekend, so I didn't get to meet any of them! I met the pastor and another leader though, so my goal of making some connections paid off.

In the car on the way home Sara shared some things about one of the young people from Vineyard. Ian asked me my thoughts and I really realized for the first time what may be happening (or about to happen) among some of the students coming back from Soul Survivor.
The good thing about S.S. (soul survivor, a huge youth gathering every year here in England) is that it brings people together and participants see a spike in friendships and in what God is doing. It's a really good thing cause it opens people up in a way they might not in church on Sunday morning.

BUT the downside is that when they come home those tight friendships can:
A: exclude others who didn't attend
B: produce emotional attachments that can be unhealthy and
C: Put the emphasis on friends rather than God when it comes to dealing with hard issues.

I've seen some of all three but my intuition tells me that C may be something that will need to be dealt with soon. There is a line where friends can be a good thing, but there is also a need for "tough love" where the group needs to help point the way to Jesus because He's the one that wants to deal with the deep hurts and the group can not keep covering up those hurts by talking to friends. And friends come and go, but God is around for ever.

So now to try and encourage the group to seek deeper intamacy with God. I realize that when tough love is shown I can only give advice on what might be a good option. Other than that it's up to each student to work it out with God.

So it's a lot starting to form. I need to go to bed now cause there is an EARLY prayer meeting I'd like to attend at 6:30 am (12:30am in Oak Park!! hard to believe...)

Please pray for me and this group as these things develop. It helps me feel a bit more "involved" when I think like a pastor, so I'd like to see more opportunities come up to help point the young people to Jesus. Miss all of you!!

Troop night

2006-09-21T17:04:00.000-05:00

So tonight was Troop, the "older" crowd. i think the age range was 15-19 tonight and there were 13 of us crammed into the morris' living room. Sara thought it may have been the biggest group (at least since the start of Troop if not the biggest ever).

I talked to the youth about being bold in faith and where they want to go with their faith. I copied a bit of Ian's talk where he used the terror alert colors as a scale for the young people to measure their faith (where would the enemy be if you came around?) I thought it was a good night in general although some points were a struggle to read how the young people were processesing everything. I imagine it will take some time to feel out where to go with the group and see what sort of rutine we go for. I really see a need for some rutine of learning from the Bible and also taking time for the young people to share with other's what's going on. How that all get's worked (or sussed) out remains to be seen.

I am feeling a bit exhausted with all that's happening now. With all the details to be worked out i somehow missed the step where i check with someone (immagration or the U.S. Embassy) to see if i CAN arrange my visa from this end. This leaves me feeling like a bit of a dork in the wake of cacelling my flight out tomorrow...

But the leaders here are OK with it and see that maybe it's better to get some things settled here and then if i need to go back in three months then so be it. Or maybe i just need to be out of England to apply for it (day trip to France, baby!!) I'm a bit stressed though at working things out.

I may very well be into my new place by next wednesday! I'll leave the morris' Sunday night or so (cause they're water will be off for most of next week while they have work done on the new rooms of the house) so it's back to Jan and Lisa's for a few days before i check out the flat (and meet my new room mates).

I helped Ian (Mr. Morris) paint the new rooms today. It was nice to feel put to use and to not think about all the other stuff...i think i'll try and get out a little tomorrow to walk if it's a nice day. I'm also getting into tea here, so that's kinda funny. I didn't like tea much in the states but with a bit of milk and sugar it's pretty good here.

That's the major news right now. I'm off to bed. Good night! :-)

Continued thoughts...

2006-09-20T16:55:00.000-05:00

Ok, so i can't shake the excitement and i wanted to post again.

Housing is getting lined up and tomorrow i cancel my ticket home. I can stay for 6 months as a tourist and during that time i can earn money through "gifts" from friends. So now to get the word back out to former supporters of my new situation...

There is a bit of tension in the air i think for both sides, considering it's totally new territory for all involved! It's a really good thing we all think, but working out the logistical details is kind of a challenge when you're not totally sure how it's all going to come together.

My title may not exactly be "youth pastor" and i'm ok with that. there are a number of young people aged 11 to younger 20's who they are hoping i could draw along side and help disciple. so the plan is to take the next 6 months and then review where the plan is at. a bit of tension there as well at least for me cause it's stepping out in a new place. I think God has equipped me for this task, and i feel he's opened this door so it's just walking out stuff i know in a new setting. yet somehow that seems really challenging.

the young people are really active here. There is an event they are doing called Raise Ya Hands which is a night of music (10 local bands) and other events to raise money for a charity in South Africa! It's happening in October and it seems really cool and I'm amazed at the passion that's driving it forward.

Oh yes, tonight was FOAM (Friends On A Mission) which is the 11-14 year olds. It was a good group, and they really like Pink Spot (a youth group game I learned in the states). I have yet to introduce other games like fruit basket or the i like/ don't like game. Ahhhh....the looks on their faces when it's a new silly game they've never played before. It was also a good night to challenge their faith with stepping out more and take risks to pray for people they might not normally pray for. They really had good questions on how to approach someone if you feel God is leading you. I thought it was good. I'm excited to see where things go.

Tomorrow night is Troop (the older crowd 15-18 although i think the oldest we have is 16 or 17). I think i'll be talking on standing in God's strengh in the midst of trials and temptations.
Oh, James, the young guy who was worried about moving away from the group got news that his folks have decided that if he's old enough to stay in London then he's old enoough to stay in Bognor! So Sara was happy about that tonight. Also i heard James was really happy to hear i'm staying on as well. it's just amazing how God has prepared hearts for this time, and it leaves me speechless to see it all just unfolding!

Anyway, off to bed now. I may get back over to Portsmouth tomorrow to see the D-Day museum...or not. I don't really know. thank you for reading this. it's such a great way to get out thoughts and stories, and even though i'm so far away from home i at least feel some connection with this. come visit if you get a chance!!

I've been asked to stay!!!

2006-09-20T16:27:00.000-05:00

(Written 9.19.2006)

So how do i feel??

Well, my jaw hasn't left the floor since i heard. it's so amazing and i am trying not to worry over what the next steps are. You know when life seems to be going SO FREAKIN well that you feel like "wait, something has to go wrong sooner or later cause this is too good!" that's a bit how i feel at the moment.

But i'm trying to fight that because God's been so faithful and i haven't done a thing to earn this much favor. It's almost like "God are you SURE you got the right guy?" but it's true and i want to believe it with every cell in my body. please keep praying that God would move the process along and that his timing would come through. I'm only human and i have to rely on God for everything. I don't want to forget that fragile balance of keeping my head in the game and staying focused on God and drawing my strength from Him.

I talked to my parents tonight and they were the first to hear. It was nice to hear their familliar voices. I haven't heard a familliar voice in weeks (execpt in my dreams....i've been dreaming of home like three nights out of the last week...vineyeard oak park looks the same in my dreams!)
I wanted to get this out before youth group started over there, but oh well. You all have to spread the word that God's opened up a VERY LARGE AND FREAKIN HEAVY DOOR for me, and i need all the prayer i can get to go through it and see what's awaiting me on the other side. And let me know how i can pray for you!

I went back to portsmouth today with DJ and had a great time walking around the harbor. I saw the HMS Victory, wich went against Napoleon's fleet and survived. I saw the HMS Warrior, a huge ironclad steam ship built in 1860 and I saw the Mary Rose, and OLD ship that sank in the 1500s and is now on display here. I still want to go back and see the D-Day museum some time....but that may be a bit delayed while we work out how to get me settled....

Me, in England as a youth pastor. Wow. I need to go to bed now, but thank you all. I'm missing home and i am so thankful for such kingdom people to stand with me in such an amazing time. Plese let me know how you're doing. I really want to hear news from home!!!

Decision time

2006-09-18T17:05:00.000-05:00

Ok, so it may NOT be as big a thing as electing a president, but this is a huge decsion: Does paul stay in England, or does he return to the states?

The decision is on the bill for the leaders to discuss tomorrow at the leaders meeting. There are other things on the list i'm told, but i imagine this is pretty big.

Please pray for this process especially that God would be heard crystal clear on their end. If it were up to me i would stay and they know how i feel. But it comes down to discerment and all that "fancy" stuff, lol. I don't really know and for them it's gotta be pretty interesting as well cause it's a new sort of circumstance for all of us really.

If i do get the job, then it's a lot of work to do in a short ammount of time so it's by no means near the "end". I don't even know what the end is at this point, i just know there is more to sort if i stay. Thank you for standing with me in prayer. I really feel that so much of the good progress that's happened here is due to so many hearts in prayer. For that i don't know what to say other than thank you and even that feels like it doesn't convey how i feel when i think about it.

If i stay i'll feel slightly sad cause that means i don't know when i'll be home next. But that day will come eventually and i can't wait to see you all again. Vineyard oak park is my home and a big chunk of my heart!!!!!!!

Off to bed now. I met with James tonight and it was short but seemed to be sweet for him. I hope so. I didn't get to talk to him much after prayer cause he had to get home. I'll see him Thursday and we'll see how he's doing after a few days. tomorrow is back to Portsmouth with DJ and i'll get to see a bit of historical warships and fun stuff like that!
Till next time,Paul

England x3

2006-09-16T16:49:00.000-05:00

So it's been a few days since my last post, hasn't it?

Anyway. Tuesday was a really good time at the "younger" housegroup (20-30's) and at the end of it i stayed and talked with four of the members until midnight. Paul is a drummer here as well and he has been a christian for only about a year and we got to talking about God and the ways he's impacted lives. The study was on Hebrews chapters 10-12, and i really liked the group to say the least. i had a chance to share some things and when we got to discussion questions i was asked by kevin (who led the group that night) my thoughts on hope and faith. it opened the door to me giving the example of my mix of hope and faith in coming to Bognor, and they seemed to like what i had to say. it felt like i fit in on the first night and they've invited me back if i stay. so that's tuesday in a nutshell.

Wed. i went to Chitchester (a local town slightly more posh than Bognor) and walked around for a bit, drank an iced coffee in Starbucks and then went over to the cathedral for a look. it was great to stand in a big church that's been around since the 1500's. i really like that sort of thing. then Jan took me to lunch and then back to the house. that night we went down to Portsmouth and walked around the gun wharf and saw some really old ships in the harbor (there's the HMS Victory from the era of Napoleon which i hope to go back and see up close next week) then we went over and saw the D-day museum. it was closed when we got there, but I REALLY REALLY like WWII history and i plan to see that next week as well.

wish i could post pics, but right now i don't really have the means to, so you'll have to wait:-(
Thursday Verity (DJ's room mate) came by and we were going to go ride bikes but then typical english weather set in (clouds and a bit of rain) so we went to chitchester, had lunch, talked a while and went out for a drive and a walk through the countryside. Verity is 26 years old, a redhead, and a very charming personality. Before you get to giddy that i've gone and met a nice english girl who i'll end up marrying, think again. she's got a boyfriend and a HUGE passion for Sierra Leon (West Africa!). so those two fronts are just the top of the cake why she's NOT a candidate for marriage. I know some of you (ahem-MOM!:-) will probably post anyway and tell me some cheesy line like "you never know till the rings on the finger" or "God likes surprises". sheeeesh....

So that said, we had a nice time and some really good chats. i even had her convinced that we don't have eye doctors in the states. After a few minutes of pulling off the joke, i told her the truth. she was slightly red and we both had a laugh. little did i know what i was in for...laster as we walked through the countryside (i only wish the sun was out cause the view looked spectacular!) she got me to believe some farmers breed kangaroo's here for their meat. I was so taken by it that when we got back to Verity's flat (appartment) she told me she had some kangaroo meat in the freezer and if I would like to have some for dinner. i bought the whole thing. It wasn't until DJ confessed to me on the way to Troop later that evening that it was really beef i ate. Hmmmm....now to think of a way to get Verity back....Maybe i tell her I spent an hour crying my eyes out that it wasn't really kangaroo?? no, that might be too nasty:-)
Anyway, Troop (the sort of Sr. high) meets Thursday nights here at the morris' house. It was a smaller group than usual (7 of about 11 kids came) but it was nice. I didn't get to talk much, but i did boldly ask for time next thursday. they all agreed and are seem excited to have me. DJ suggested they pray for me and i was a but shy, but as they prayed i really felt like they want me to stay on. i could be wrong, but that seems like a darn good thing.

Friday some of the youth (and me) went up to london!!!! we saw a wax museum (i got lots of pics with famous people!!) and it was a blast. there was one section that you walk through and it's kinda scary cause live actors jump out of dark places and scare the snot out of you. I was laughing at the group until James said "put the yank in front!!" I wasn't so happy then. but it was a fun time and a good story.

We saw Buckingham palace, big ben, Dowining street (where the prime minister lives), went for a look around Harrods (a huge department store kinda like Fields or other large stores in chicago) and guess who showed up to sign books??? DAVID FREAKIN' HASSELHOFF!!! i was like, this guy would NOT get this kind of attention in the states...it was funy! we saw the london eye (a HUGE ferris wheel) and then made our way back to the train. i spent the night in Bedford with my cousins and had a wonderful time walking around bedford today. I got a picture with the John Bunyan statue in bedford. ever read Pilgrims Progress? he wrote it from his prison cell in Bedford! yeah, it was pretty cool.

On a more serious note, i'm back at the morris' house, and need to go finish my lesson for the youth in church tomorrow. i got some ideas but they need to be put on paper.
as far as if i stay or come home i try not to think about it. I was fine last week, but as decision time draws near i find myself feeling a bit worried either way. i want to stay, but there are moments where i feel so alone and foriegn...they're only moments and not hours or days, which i'm glad for, but they are there. i really like the people here, but if i stay what happens after this sort of "honey moon" phase ends? i can't think about that cause i don't know. but what happens if i come home? there is an option there, but i don't really find myself too excited about that commitment and i don't REALLY know if i'm coming home either. so life is up in the air for me...

i'm doing the best i can at keeping a level head and my emotions in check, but it's hard. i'll let you know how it all pans out. i really need to go and get the lesson done. Thanks for your prayers. I really miss you all and I enjoy hearing from you.

england x2

2006-09-12T07:15:00.000-05:00

so here it is part two of my diary from england. a bit shortere this time around cause i'm about to go eat lunch and then i'm off to littlehampton. it's 1pm here! home in the states i really wouldn't be up...considering it's 7am there.

my week is filling up. every night this week i'm off doing something. tonight is meeting with the 20something home group, tomorrow jan and i are going off to brighton or somewhere to see other sights, thursday is the youth night (troop is the group name) friday some of the youth are going to london and they were kind to invite me along!!! i'm not as big a dork here as in the states, lol.

friday to saturday is when i'll be in bedford to see my cousins, sunday is church (i've been asked to share something with the youth at church). Oh and from this thursday to the 22nd i'll be with another family from church (Ian and Trish morris). So it's quite the time as you can see. I also found that i'm not too far from dover (you know, famous for it's white cliffs!)

anyway, soup is up so i gotta go eat. i think i am making the adjustment to the 6 hour time difference now. i slept most of the night the last two nights (a lot better than the first two nights here!!) thank you all so much for your prayers. i'm feeling a bit homesick, but also eager to see what God has in store. Apparently i'm the talk of the town as one person put it. Oh yes, i had a chance to chat with DJ, who has led the youth over this last year. she's been a great resource in finding out about where the youth are at (they just got back from soul survivor a few weeks ago and that has tightend their friendships a lot!) we'll see how i manage with them on thursday!

Short stories from England

2006-09-10T13:56:00.000-05:00

Well it has been a remarkable few days here already!!

Friday Jan and I had a good hour and a half to 2 hours to kill while driving to Bognor from Heathrow airport. We talked about a LOT of things and i found that jan is a movie buff kind of like myself. we share the same interests in movies and even some television. His family is quite nice (they have four children, Jamie, Megan, Johan, and Jacob) Jamie is a foster child, and a verry polite kid. Megan is 12 and in the youth group. She's quiet but seems pretty inteligent when she speaks. Johan is an avid soccer (football) player and scored the only goal in his teams 8-1 loss today. jacob is 5 years old and seems to be bent on getting the most attention (kind of like me when I was 5). I was very pleastantly surprised when Jacob asked if i would read him his bedtime story my 2nd night here.

jan is married to Lisa, a very good cook and very polite. even though i don't feel like i've connected as well with her i do get the impression that she's a bit more introverted than jan is, and it's nothing i take personally.

the church is very much like oak park (at least, op 6 years ago) they are trying to find ways of reaching out into the community and so far they have a store front called the Vineyard freetrade shop. over here the cause of free trade seems to be a valued one, so my impression is they've tapped into a growing issue among locals. On top of this, they are doing a small outreach this year to university students returning to school. I hope I can bring some outreach ideas to the table if i stay on.

jan and lisa live a very close distance to the beach. it's not the best beach i've seen, but it is nice and hard for an american like me to imagine that just across that water is france! today i went out after church with a few of the youth and Trisha, a leader and a mother of two young girls in the youth group (also along were some other kids in the youth group as well as younger siblings of said youth members). we watched people hurl themselves off the pier in a contest called the Bognor Birdman contest. if you know what the Red Bull Flutag is, then you know what this is. The only difference is that they have two days of events here and yesterday (the day we missed) was the day with the silly contraptions going off the end of the pier. Today was a bit more serious with people wanting to go for distance and longest air time.

Church is about 120 folks (including kids) on Sunday. i spoke for about 15-20 minutes on the jews crossing the sea out of slavery and into God's promises. Something that i feel God's been drawing out of me over these last two years at least. I felt that God wanted to speak to people on the challenges of leaving slavery, but the feedback i got was more than i expected. people felt deeply touched by what i had to say and said they felt a genuiness about me. i was very happy that something of my honesty and god's heart came across. i also forgot to mention that a very nice mother (jo) and a really nice older gentleman (Robin) asked if they could pray for me as worship was happening. they didn't know who i was, and didn't know that i was just wanting to know that God was with me. they had very significant words for me, and that paved the way for me to hear God say that i don't need to worry at all about anything because He's been waiting for me to get here, and that He has gone before me to prepare hearts. Dare I say it felt like God was calling this home for me?? we'll see what happens.

i then left and went and spent a bit of time with the Grapes group (the middle and high school group) and just kind of observed the different personality types in the group. it was good to see them coming into a relationship with jeusus, and i think God has more for me to say to them. I'll meet with a 20something homegroup Tuesday just to meet others my age, and then Thursday i'll see the youth again. Friday i'm going to London with some of the youth, which I am very excited about. From there i hope to hop over north to bedford and see my cousin Abi. We'll see how it all goes, but so far it's exciting. I'm a bit tired with Jetlag and a long day on my feet so I'll sign off for now. But thank you all for your prayers and I look forward to letting you know how things develop.

Oh yes, I'm trying hard not to pick up an english accent cause i feel odd speaking with one, but it is slowly happening i think. you'll just have to tell me the next time you see me. it is interesting though how american english draws words out (door, god, car, book are some that i have picked up on interms of how the english say it here) and i laugh at myself for sounding like the odd one. it's nice though to feel so comfortable thousands of miles from anything that's really famillair...oh and pardon the spelling errors. I'm tired, a bit lazy ad still jetlagged, so spelling isn't the number 1 care on my list. Till next time...

Engram to England

2006-08-11T12:40:00.000-05:00

WOW!!
So I heard today from the Vineyard in Bognor (south coast of England) and the flight has gone through. I am now set to leave (for at least two weeks, if not longer) to see if God has a place for me as a youth pastor.

I have spent a lot of the past month in prayer about this. At times it seemed right in front of me and so close all I had to do was reach out and take it. And yet there was always one more step to take. I began to get nervous with the idea that it might not go through and I would have to again turn my sights stateside. I prayed a lot because I knew that God was in control, and it is up to Him. All I want is to go where He has a place for me and anything less than that isn't what I want.

These last two weeks have been quite a ride. I gave my eight year old cat away to the Anti-cruelty soceity two weeks ago today, and then had to prepare myself for the challenges of Engram. And I must say,God is truly awesome. We had over one hundred people this year, and God showed up in amazing ways! From the start of the week, we highly encouraged everyone to fix their eyes on Jesus and to seek him in all circumstances. The result was that a number of us leaders were commenting that the first night of worship and ministry felt a lot like a level that would normally be seen at the second or third night. God was with us, and not only spoke to individuals but he also used us as a whole to bless approx. 15,000 people over those four days.

The last night was a bit hard for me, because it may very well be the last time (or at least a while) before I see some of these leaders and students again. I am in awe over how God has used me to touch lives in amazing ways over these last four years of being involved with the youth at Vineyard Oak Park, and how much confidence I've found in the gifts of leadership God has planted in me. I look forward to seeing more of God and more gifting from God unfold as I move on to England or wherever God has for me. Thank you all so much for praying for me and walking with me. Please pray that God would continue to be in this process weather or not England is a go!

ENGRAM!!!!

2006-08-01T15:08:00.000-05:00

It's late summer again, and that can only mean one thing around here: ENGRAM!

Engram is the "scientific" word meaning "to remember" or "the physical trace of a memory". This event was started three years ago (or was it four?) by our youth pastor, and what was once a small gathering of about 15 people has now grown to over 100 this year. Several area churches are sending their youth to us (mostly other Vineyards) and we are very excited over what we expect to be a very fruitful time together.

Previous years have focused on outreach and serving people. Last year we gave away over 3,000 bottles of water and hundreds of other small tokens to let people know that God loves them. This year we have about 7,000 bottles of water and I am currently looking at $1500 in quarters that we are to give away! While we have spent a lot on giveaways, there is more that we hope to see happen this year.

The theme for this year comes from the Exodus event where God called Pharaoh to let his people go "so they may worship me." I think that it is more than possible for us as Christians to let other "things" take the place of God and distract us (and even put us in bondage) away from what's really important: our relationship with the One who made us. This year we are striving to break free of whatever has distracted us and pursue God. I believe that when people gather with open hearts ready to be changed by God, things happen...even supernatural things!

I personally am very excited to be here. As of two months ago I thought I wasn't going to be around for this huge event. But as of right now nothing is developing on the job front (I'm still waiting to hear on a confirmed flight to England) so I guess God has me here! I'm looking forward to this week (Okay, MOST aspects I'm looking forward to like outreaches, going to the beach, worship and teaching...but the lack of SLEEP we usually get is not really a happy time for me!) I think though that when all is said and done I'll feel like it was worth it.

I got a digital camera for a "graduation" gift! So now I can click and post pictures in a short amount of time. I'm hoping to snap a lot of pics this week, so watch for pics from Engram next week or so! Happy August everyone!

Thoughts on moving on

2006-07-19T15:52:00.000-05:00

Well, I’m done with VBI. I have turned in and passed all my assignments. So now it’s just waiting for my diploma. It’s almost august, and I thought by now I would be on to my next step. But even though that’s not the case, I’m ok with it most days. It means I’ve been around for things that I didn’t really want to miss. I’ll be around for Engram (our summer youth program) in August. Even though I’m not as involved as I was last year (only this last week have I really begun to mentally prepare myself for being here for engram) maybe that’s a good thing. I think it will be a good week, and I need to remember that I’m not there for myself. That’s what made Toronto ’06 so memorable: I was there for the students and the more I got excited over what God was doing with them the more I could focus on Him. Funny how that works…the less caught up I am about myself the more I hear God speaking.

The theme for Engram this year is based off the Israelite exodus out to worship. And I’ve been thinking about that whole story (all of Moses’ life really). There are a lot of things I am noticing about God’s character in that story. Moses faced death even before he could talk. His parents knew there was something special about him and the only thing they could think to do was risk sending him down the river in the hope he would be saved. I heard somewhere that the future of Israel rested on whether or not a baby survived. That’s a pretty big risk when I think about it. But even then God was not worried that everything would fall apart.

Years later Moses is called by God. What his parents saw was God’s hand in his life, and it finally came about. God tells him what he wants to do, and it’s a big deal. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t want to see such an amazing thing (a whole nation’s freedom). But Moses didn’t want it at first. God even got angry at him for rejecting his destiny. But Moses finally agreed (after Aaron was brought in to help).

God proceeds to show His power in very calculated ways against Egypt. Each plague is a direct sign to Egypt that the gods they serve are dead (the Nile to blood for example was a sign that the Nile god had been killed and the river carried his blood). Pharaoh was raised with a hard heart so that God’s power would be displayed. It took the death of his first born male to break him (and even then he chose to go after the Israelites in pursuit).

Crossing the Red sea must have been a scary turning point for Moses and the rest of Israel. Freedom is a great thing, but it’s scary when all you’ve known is a life of slavery. All Israel knew for the last 400 years was slavery. No one alive among them knew what it was really like to be free. And now they were going to the unknown desert to serve God and to enter a land they knew almost nothing about. I would imagine that while slavery wasn’t easy it was what they knew.

For me this is where I feel I relate. I’m crossing out of Oak Park and all my familiar surroundings and entering new territory. It’s exciting and I’m looking forward to it. But I’m also being challenged to move to a deeper level of belief in God. There have been times where God has spoken about my future and that He has a plan for me. And like Moses’ parents I have to trust that He knows what He’s doing. And like Israel standing at the shore of the Red sea, I have to believe that I will cross over in safety and on dry ground. It’s easy to hear something but hard to do what it takes to get there. It’s been a long two years here, and now it’s actually coming to an end. Kind of surreal in some ways.

Even once Israel reached freedom, they still had to fight. The freedom was challenged again and again. It’s like that with destiny. It’s not a one shot deal. It’s a constant event. And it happens when we surrender our lives to God every day.

plunder the goods blog

2006-06-01T15:01:00.001-05:00

This is a REALLY good blog by my good friend Sam. Check it out for other theological thoughts!

plunder the goods blog

Reflections on the hope of glory

2006-06-01T15:01:00.000-05:00

This is a blog by my friend Bethany. It's a really good one, and she's got some really good thoughts and comments on the current culture in America. Check it out!

Reflections on the hope of glory

Theology files

2006-05-17T16:12:00.000-05:00

By clicking on the link called "Kingdom Theology Teachings" you can access my other web page and hear the latest teachings on Kingdom Theology by Dan and me. I will try and post the teachings within 24 hours of the class. Hope you find them helpful!!

What's new

2006-05-17T13:52:00.000-05:00

So it's been a little while since I've posted. A lot has happened since the last post. Youth Sunday was a blast, and searching for jobs has been quite a road to travel. I haven't heard anything from any of the possible options on the table, and in light of that fact I have decided to try the international scene. I sent my resume to about 40-50 Vineyard churches in and around the UK last week, and one of them got back to me the next day. So far it's only a maybe (just like the rest) however I do find myself excited over the idea of going overseas for a while.

I also have started teaching a class on Wednesday nights on Kingdom Theology (Dan Pietrini and I are teaching this class as a requirement for our Vineyard Bible Institute class). Tonight is the second class of six, and I'm pretty excited about it. I hope to figure out how to upload sound files and then add the recordings of our class on here in the future.

Along the note of VBI, I'm so close to the end and I can't wait to be done. It's been a long road, and I can see the end from here. But then today a slight curve ball came my way. I got an F on one of my essay's, and that means a re-write. At this point it's something I can't really afford to have. So all day today has been kind of a bummer because I feel so cramped for time, and now here's something else to take up a chunk of time. Long days at work are not my idea of fun. I'm sure there is a lesson in here somewhere, but I'm too shocked at the F to think about it :-)

Job searching is hard. With all the options that are on the table one could easily think that SOMETHING has to develop. And yet that has not really been the case. It's kind of a strage waiting game. Going to Kentucky would be interesting and it could play along the lines of my strengths, and yet I'd like to stay within the Vineyard cause that's where I feel most at home, and then I like the idea of going overseas and see new things and expereince a new culture...so it all is very appealing on some level, yet it seems God is using it to test me and ask "Do you still trust me even if it means waiting till you might explode with the feling that you can't wait anymore??" Trust. I'm sure there's a lesson there to, but it's kind of hard to think about and see when I'd just like to close my eyes and be two months down the road and see how everything works out. In any case I have started to plan certain events for the summer, and just trust that where ever I end up they will be OK with the fact that I have things to do back home.

In case you haven't figured out by now, my mind has been all over the mental map the last few weeks since I last posted. If it's confusing to you, trust me it's been interesting navigating life for me. The feeling of progress in one area and regress in another has been quite frustraiting. And underneath it all it comes down to trust. Trusting that I'll get through VBI and trusting that I'll end up in just the right place at the just the right time. When I entered this process a few months ago, I knew it would be a challenge, but this is a bit more than I barganed for...

In any case I know God's not done with me yet, and I'll get through it.

Busy week

2006-04-26T16:18:00.000-05:00

It's the middle of my week, and it feels like a lot on my plate. Youth Sunday is this weekend, and I'm the first of three speakers (Dan Pietrini, the other intern and Hannah Kircher, one of our students will be speaking as well). Last night was our "dry run" at youth group, and presenting our talk felt un-coordinated (on top of a very chaotic night). The youth band is playing Saturday night (at our one time a month Saturday eve Deep service) and then again on Sunday morning. So that's a lot of involvement for me this weekend. Plans for Dan and me to teach Kingdom Theology have been all but finalized, and if nothing comes up we'll be teaching in two weeks (the course will run for six weeks). I've also downloaded and printed my next to last section in my Theology studies course. It's hard to believe that within a month I could be done with something that felt (at times) like it wouldn't end. After that's done, I'm pretty much released to go from Vineyard Oak Park. I've been kind of emotional at times over this past week as I look ahead. This church has been my home and my family for the last five years, and now I am preparing to move on. It's exciting to think of all the possiblilities that lay ahead, but who wants to leave their roots? I've really come to love and respect a lot of people here, and I feel they have come to love and respect me as well. And while I feel deep in my heart that this is what I was made for (moving on and becoming a youth pastor somewhere else) it doesn't make leaving any easier. Chaotic weeks like this are probably a good thing, because I get to see first hand how it is to balance a heavy load of work as a pastor :-) I'm sure I'll fit in and find wonderful and amazing people at whatever location I land.

Point A

2006-04-24T21:42:00.000-05:00

Ok, so here it is. My new blog, and a way for folks to K.I.T. (Keep In Touch). It is almost 10pm here, so I'll keep this short and brief. I plan to use this space to post news of my life, thoughts, and progress on being a youth pastor (in Kentucky or wherever God takes me). I look forward to how this site develops because it may be a good way to connect with friends who I don't really see. Feel free to interact with the blog as much as you wish (although I can't promise I'll reply to posts in a timely fashion). Thank you, and have a nice day :-)
And there you have it! The new picutre (I wanted to go blond for the summer).