The journey continues...

So a bit ago I posted on "A Crisis of faith, and the journey toward redemption" and shared about the experience of England.

Now it seems, I see a little more of why I'm back in the states.

Part of me has come to realize that I miss England, and knowing what I know now I would have stayed. But God knew then (as He knows now) that I did the best with what I had to work with. And maybe in that, God intended for me to be back now. Here's what's happened:

At my church here in Oak Park, our senior pastor has resigned. Before you get all wild and crazy with shock, it's nothing "bad" this time around. But it is still sad.

Over the last 12 years Dave and Anita Frederick have led the Oak Park Vineyard. They helped shape the church from two churches that were merging, to the current size of about 400 or so. Over the years they have seen many people come to Christ, get healed, get married and have children. They have poured so much love and encouragement into the lives of the people who currently attend and those who passed through on their journey of faith.

The Fredericks have also had their low times with cancer, other health issues, a death in the family, and moving a few times from here to there and back again as well as tending to the pastoral duties required of them. In short, they have not had much room to breathe.

The other sobering aspect is that often the pastor who helps grow a church finds that he or she has a differnt skill set than what is needed to carry the church past a certain point. I think we all know that nothing lasts forever this side of heaven, but that doesn't make trasition phases any easier. The Fredericks have recognized these issues with an amazing ammount of humility and grace. I can vouch for them, and say with certainty that they have put the needs of the church above their own even to the last day. They are my heroes, to say the least.

I have been very honored to know the Fredericks over the years that I have been around at Vineyard Oak Park. I have seen all three of their children in the youth group, and the kids have taken on a faith of their own that is encouraging, warm and amazing in the face of the "usual" happenings of pastor's kids.

I've known about the resignation for a few weeks now, and it's been a tough reminder of the reality of ministry. Sometimes you know things before other people, and due to various circumstances or other details you have to keep under wraps. Ministry is wonderful at times when people get healed, or experience a major life change by the love of God. But there are other times where ministry has to be handeled much like a corperation or organization. It's the side to church life that no one really enjoys cause it can smell at times of "organized religion" but at the same time it is crucial to running a church.

So last Thursday the news broke to the wider church that the Sr. Pastor's are resigning. The news was met with several questions, and overall the meeting went very well. While my first reaction to the news when I first heard it was to not even want to hear it and be emotionally shut off (cause it brought back a flood of undealt with emotion from England) I have come to see this as a hard thing, but a good thing.

This time I had forwarning. I had the assurance that this time around, I am not alone. I have people I can talk to, and the best part of all is that the story has hope behind it. Sure the Fredericks are stepping down, but there is hope that after a year of re-working through their strengths and weaknesses, they could be leading another church that needs to benefit from what they have to offer.

All this got me thinking: For has hard as it was to watch the Bognor Vineyard go through the hurts of a leader who made a bad call, there are also times when leaders can do everything RIGHT and still have to transition on to something else. It's not easy, but it does have tons of hope behind it.

Is this why God brought me back here? To see that yes, ministry is hard, but not all leaders step out due to sin or some other flaw...

I don't know what all God has in store for the Fredericks, or me. But I am priveleged to see the view from the inside out. For now the next step for us as a church is to take a few months to grieve the loss. So many people have been touched by the lives of the Frederick family, and it's not going to be a smooth transition. However, it is comforting for me to know we are giving plenty of space to the grief process before we make any decisions on what's next. I'll keep you posted.

Till next time,
~Paul

New Mexico Adventures

So last week I was away for a few days to see some friends down in New Mexico (I know, you might be thinking "why New Mexico? isn't it more like New Mexican't??" and you would be right, but I'll explain....)

So a buddy of mine, Tim got asked to go play for a youth worship conference by another friend, Ray. Ray is a good guy who we've known for a few years. Ray and his wife left Oak Park Vineyard a few years ago and moved to N.M. Ray is now the volunteer youth leader for his church in Taos, N.M. Two years ago Ray brought some of his young people up here to attend our summer youth conference, Engram (see previous posts).

So Tim got asked to go lead worship, but how did I fall into the plan?

Good question. I knew you readers were smart :-)

I was kind of whining a few months back about how I really wanted to get away. Tim had talked about going to Mexico in the past, and I thought that sounded cool. But as usual, money was tight and it looked like Mexico wasn't going to happen. Then Tim mentioned that he and Ray had talked, and they thought it would be cool for me to tag along. Hee hee, I got the better end of that deal I think. For Tim, it was more work with planning and prepping a talk for the conference. I got to go have my vacation :-)

Well, as plans unfolded Tim got asked to speak for 45 minutes the opening night. I was impressed to say the least when Tim came and asked me to help him prep his talk on "What does Worship mean?" and even more humbled when Tim asked me to help wrap up the talk and pray at the end. Here's a bit more detail after we landed on Wed. June 4th:

Wed. eve we went to Taos to check out the youth group and talk a bit about what the next few days would look like. It was great to see familiar faces as well as new ones. It seemed they were all really excited to have Tim and I there as guests.

Wed. eve we went back to Ray and Brandy's place and got settled. Their dogs (Sydney and Jasper) were really wild to have guests. Their house is about a 20 minute drive out from Taos, and really close to the mountains. Wed. it was like in the 80's when we got there, and Thursday morning when we woke up there was 2 inches of snow on the ground! I tried to get pictures with my camera, but the batteries died on me :-( so I was slightly sad that I had all these great ideas for pictures, but no way to take them.

Thursday we had Brandy's car. We drove to Ray's work and posed as two delivery guys with a box for Ray that we needed him to sign for. It was funny when Ray came out to see us. The whole place laughed when Ray said he knew us and started taking us around to meet his co-workers. Ray gave us a map and some really good ideas of places we could go to see (the day was still fairly cloudy and cool, so we weren't really motivated to do much sight seeing). We did drive into Taos and had a bit of a walk around. The place is kinda boring with loads of art galleries that look a lot alike. We saw a few galleries and I was like "didn't we see this same art in that last place??"

Thursday night was the start of the worship conference. Tim and I opened with a bit of worship, followed by teaching by Tim and wrapped up by me with a time of prayer and then more worship led by us (I played hand percussion, which went OK, but I really wanted a drum set!). After the session we went out for ice cream with the youth, and had a great time just chilling. We then watched a movie at Ray and Brandy's before bed.

Friday Tim and I hiked around the Gorge that's just outside of Taos, and then we went to meet up with Ray. The Pastor was talking to Ray at the church when we got there to meet Ray, and James (the sr. pastor) offered us jobs if we wanted to move to taos. Without laughing too hard at the idea, we told james we would "pray" about it, lol. I think he knew we probably wouldn't but he made sure we knew the offer was always open. We left the church and went to Brandy's work to drop off her car. I went in first and pretended I was there for a meeting with her for insurance quotes. The lady who greeted me bought it until Tim and Ray walked in. I had a whole prank worked out, but I didn't get to play it. Probably a good thing.

Friday night was more worship with a message on worship by Ray. It went well and after the session we got to pray for a few people, including the Sr. pastor's wife who had a back injury due to a car accident a few weeks ago. She didn't seem to get healed, but she was open to prayer which was cool.

After the session we went back to Ray and Brandy's with a few of the young people. Ray and I had to go back to the church to get something for one of the youth. While we were there a homeless guy came up and started talking to me and Ray. We got to help him a bit with items to make his night a bit more comfy and we even got to pray for him. We really wanted to see him at church on Sunday, but I guess he lived out in the far reaches of town, so maybe he didn't get a ride back.

We hung out for a bit with a few of the youth and some stand up comedy that one of the guys had on his computer, and finally kicked them out at like 1am.

Saturday some of the youth went over to a local park (in Taos) with instruments and we hung out, sang a few songs and played a few games. One of the guys brought his family dog (it actually was a HUGE animal, and when I first saw it I said "who brought the polar bear!??")

After that we had a pretty free day so we went and took a bit of a nap at the house. We were invited over to the Sr. pastor's house for dinner with their family, which went well. Sunday was church which Tim and I led with one of the youth. After church there was a "family meal" kind of like a church pot-luck, and then we had to head out to our flight. We said our goodbyes, and I could tell that some of the youth and adults we pretty bummed out to see us go. I knew we had a good weekend there and that God really used us to get them thinking ourside the box on what it means to worship God in everything.

Our flight home was a bit crazy due to weather in Chicago (almost 8 hours on a plane that normally takes about 3!!) but we got home and as I look back at the weekend, I'm really thankful that God used us to bless people and help build the church.

End of entry part 1

Weekend fun, new adventures and the night sky

I love summer weather. I love the sun, the warmth and the reminder that new life is always in the air.

I was away this past weekend on a 4th and 5th grade retreat (as a guest speaker/ leader). We had about 11 or so kids going, and it was AWESOME. We went to the Lake Geneva Youth Center, and had a full weekend of activities.

Friday night, just after we arrived I spoke on Ps. 31.7 and shared that it's ok to have feelings. It's ok to feel sad at times, and that in everything we're feeling we need to be able to trust God. I was a bit bold and said that God won't ALWAYS take away our sad feelings, but He is always there to be with us in whatever we're feeling and to comfort us. I felt really good about it. It was interactive and the kids participated really well.

On Saturday we had a great time. After our morning meeting we went to the zipline (about 20 or 30 feet off the ground) and had an amazing time. Let me just say, in my mind every one of those kids are amazingly bold. When I was that age, I was so scared of roller coasters, or anything off the ground with speed. I actually conquered my fear of coasters at age 14. for these kids that's another 4 or 5 years away. So for them to take the risk of climbing a long ladder, standing on a TINY platform in the wind, and then jump off and trust the line to carry them to the end was so cool.

After that we went over to the gym and played a bit of dodge ball while some of the other kids went down to the water and played around in the canoes. We then went to the Giant Scream Swing. The Giant Scream Swing is a large swing(as you may have guessed) that's about 70 feet off the ground. The swing is raised by wench, and it carries 3 people, and once you get to the top, you have to pull this cord that releases the swing.

I went with two of the guys, and the first two times we had minor issues with the release hook, so it actually DIDN'T release! They finally got a new part in, and took us back up a 3rd time and WHOOOOOOOSH!!! away we went. It was AWESOME, and every kid there was so brave to ride that thing. I was really shocked by the lesson in faith that was there. It took a lot of faith to get on the zipline and swing and trust that everything was going to hold up and that the rope we were given was going to carry us through to the end. What a major lesson in faith! In England I had to trust that as thin as the "rope" felt at times, it was enough to get me through. And I will always be grateful for those friends that I had who stuck with me, even when I didn't know how to talk about how I was feeling. They were there to support me in what ways they could, and that is no small thing. Sometimes, we just need people who are willing to sit with us and not say a word (like Job's three friends when they first came and sat with him).

last night Dan was the other guest speaker and he did SO GOOD! We had a time of soaking (which is just getting comfortable and focusing on what God wants to say to you with some God-focused music on in the background). I think most of the kids were challenged and impacted by that as well. I know I for one loved it!

Overall, I was really pleased with the weekend, and God totally showed up and rocked my world with a new passion and fire for getting back into ministry.

To further challenge me, I am going away this Wednesday to New Mexico (just like Old Mexico, only a lot less fun!) for a youth conference. I'll be going with a buddy of mine from church and we'll be staying with a friend of ours who is a youth leader of a church in a small town called Taos. I can't wait to be out with the stars at night.

I used to love going out to see the night sky when I was in England. There was even one night where I saw a meteor shower. Something about the vast expanse of the sky at night fills me with wonder and awe. I find a lot of comfort in the wonder of the creativeness of God in nature. I love the mountains, the sky at night, and wandering through the forest. I love riding horses, going swimming and generally enjoying the outdoors (away from the big city). But I also love the social times of city life. This is where my friends are and my roots. I wonder if I will ever be able to re-plant somewhere else?

There are moments like this weekend, where I feel that life is such a beautiful thing, and it's a sharp contrast to where I was 6 months ago. I don't want to live in my comfort zones, but I also don't want to be pushed to those limits ever again. Is there some way to live between these "life is beautiful" moments and the "I'm done with life!!" moments? I hope so...

Anyway, My parents are coming to see me in a week and a half, so this next month is sure to be a good one. We'll see when I post again :-)

~till next time
Paul