Two weeks and counting...

WOW. So it's been just a little while since I've posted here, and if I'm honest, I haven't REALLY been that enthusiastic to post another update. I wonder why that is...

But where do I start? Last entry was a high note after Slum Survivor. Since then, I don't really know how to fully explain the experience of phasing myself out of my role here and finding flights home, and actually realizing that, NO REALLY I am leaving my life here for good. Some days it's rather exciting, and I am filled with wonder at what awaits me when I return home. What does God have in store next? And I can't wait to see people I haven't seen in a year, and hear all that I've missed and how people have grown since we last really talked.

But then some days its not so exciting. For all the stress and tough moments of this year, I have invested in this church, these people, and this community, and vice versa. There is a debt of love that I have to these people that I know I will never repay. I had hopes of laying longer term roots here. How can I really put into words what it's like when I'm trying to move on? Underneath the funny accents and the odd customs ("Baked beans on toast? Eww..." You mean I have to have a license to watch TV!? in my country you only need a license to do something dangereous like drive a car, fly a plane or own a gun!") I have made friends with really fantastic people. It's difficult to think about moving on to something else.

Rudyard Kipling has a line in my favorite poem that has played in my head a lot these last few weeks:

"If you can watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools"
"If" -Rudyard Kipling

Sometimes in life, for whatever reason (growth, change, maturity, etc.) we have to stand back and leave something that feels incomplete. It's all part of life's experiences that shape who we are, and more imprtantly, who God intends for us to be.

If I had known what this year would have entailed, I would have opted out. Call me crazy, but I don't like having my faith, my heart and every aspect of my life tested to it's limits. I'd rather do something that I can handle, or have a bit more control in. Human nature I guess. But does that mean I think this year wasn't worth it, or that everything I've been through was for nothing? I wish you could hear the deep resounding NO that echos in my heart. I may not know it now, and I may not know it in this life, but this year produced something in me that probably would not have happened in any other circumstance. I guess God had his way of bringing me into it, and He had all the plans to make sure I survived.

I look forward to coming home to family, friends and church. Thank you all so much for your prayers and encouragements, and I hope that you have been as blessed on this journey of faith as I have.

~Till next time,
Paul